If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.”
The difference in impact between the two is huge.
What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?
Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.
If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.
Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.
So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.
Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”
Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.
I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.
With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.
→ What feedback has shaped your leadership the most?
How to Handle Performance Reviews Without Losing Trust as a New Manager
Clammy hands. Lead in your shoes. A conversation you don’t want to have.
You feel your team member has been underperforming this year. You’ve been struggling with what to tell him. The rating you’re giving him means no salary increase. You know he disagrees and that the conversation might escalate.
You prepare for an unpleasant experience. Hoping for the best.
<<pause here>>
Performance reviews. Still used in many companies, and about as fun as getting a root canal.
But they don’t have to be.
What can help you make these conversations easier?
𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀.
Without these, it’s hard to fairly assess their performance, and explain your decision.
𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿.
There should be no surprises during a performance review conversation. It should be a high-level summary of all performance related conversations that year. Most of us postpone feedback because we fear confrontation. The reason? The incorrect assumption that giving feedback is a negative thing. It’s not. Giving constructive feedback is an essential part of your work, and necessary for your team to grow.
𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱.
As a manager, some decisions, like who gets which raise or promotion, will piss of certain people. That’s why it’s so important to act with clarity and integrity, setting clear goals, and being able to explain your decisions.
People might get emotional, even angry. That’s okay. When that happens, give them some space to either vent or let it out. During heated moments, pause talking about the topic itself, address the emotions calmy, and continue with the topic when things have settled down.
Even if you do all these things, you still might have to deliver bad news (like no raises due to budget cuts). The better you can explain your team why, the easier the conversation. And the better you understand your management’s reasoning, the better you can pass on the message. Don’t be afraid to ask your manager all the questions you need in order to do this.
When done well, performance reviews mean your team knows what success looks like, how to get there, and how they’ll be rewarded.
Managing People You Don’t Like
You’re about to start your 1:1 with a team member.
The one you don’t like.
And doesn’t like you.
I often write about empathy, compassion, and connection. But today I want to tackle a slightly taboo truth: 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩.
There will always be people you enjoy more, and less. And the feeling sometimes is mutual.
A few things I’ve learned:
𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
It’s human to want approval—but overcompensating can feel inauthentic and burn you out.
𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
Pulling away or treating them worse than others, an understandable response, isn’t fair and will make matters worse. It also lowers trust in you as a leader.
𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹.
What feels personal often isn’t. Maybe you got the role they wanted. Maybe your performance view clashes with theirs. Maybe you remind them of someone from their past. Maybe your communication styles just grate. The less you internalise it, the better you’ll lead.
Ask yourself: 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮’𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺?
If yes: name the elephant in the room, calmly, without blame, and stress you want the best outcome for you both.
If no: still, you can ask, “Is there anything I can do to improve the way we work together?”
Leadership is a constant balancing act between the needs of your team, your client, your manager, and your company. You can’t make everyone happy.
If you find a balance that feels fair, serves the bigger picture, and doesn’t drain you dry, you’re doing great.