Youโre about to start your 1:1 with a team member.
The one you donโt like.
And doesnโt like you.
I often write about empathy, compassion, and connection. But today I want to tackle a slightly taboo truth: ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ค๐ญ๐ช๐ค๐ฌ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ.
There will always be people you enjoy more, and less. And the feeling sometimes is mutual.
A few things Iโve learned:
๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ โ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒโ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐น๐ฒ๐
.
Itโs human to want approvalโbut overcompensating can feel inauthentic and burn you out.
๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ โ๐ฑ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐๐ป๐ถ๐๐ตโ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐น๐ฒ๐
.
Pulling away or treating them worse than others, an understandable response, isn’t fair and will make matters worse. It also lowers trust in you as a leader.
๐๐’๐ ๐ผ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐น.
What feels personal often isnโt. Maybe you got the role they wanted. Maybe your performance view clashes with theirs. Maybe you remind them of someone from their past. Maybe your communication styles just grate. The less you internalise it, the better youโll lead.
Ask yourself: ๐๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ข๐ฎโ๐ด ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ณ๐จ๐บ?
If yes: name the elephant in the room, calmly, without blame, and stress you want the best outcome for you both.
If no: still, you can ask, โIs there anything I can do to improve the way we work together?โ
Leadership is a constant balancing act between the needs of your team, your client, your manager, and your company. You canโt make everyone happy.
If you find a balance that feels fair, serves the bigger picture, and doesnโt drain you dry, you’re doing great.