Effective Meetings for New Managers

Your inbox is on fire, deadlines pile up, and then… a meeting invite. From someone senior. With no agenda.

If you’re trying to figure out how to run a meeting as a new manager, this scenario is all too familiar: 10 minutes of weather chat, a long intro, then a colleague who mistakes a “short update” for their personal TED Talk. Fifty-five minutes later, you feel like your soul has left your body.

Now, courageous leaders have two options:
Option A: Pretend to lose Wi-Fi—“I’m driving into a tunnel”—and vanish from the call. Bold, yes. Sustainable, no.
Option B: Show real leadership. Before the meeting: “What’s the exact goal of this meeting, so I can prepare and respect everyone’s time?” During the meeting, when talk drifts: “Quick observation—I think we’re off topic. Shall we return to the goal?”

The new managers I coach often start by saying, “I could never speak up like that.” But after practicing, they try it once and realize the room doesn’t bite back. Quite the opposite—people silently thank them for saving time.

Too many meetings drain energy. And have you ever heard of a company that had too few meetings? Me neither.

👉 If you want more tips on how to run a meeting as a new manager, check out my guide on running effective meetings: https://davidbuirs.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/How-To-Run-Effective-Meetings.pdf, or schedule a free introduction call here: https://calendly.com/davidbuirs/30-minute-call.

The Leadership Paradox: Why Bad Managers Don’t See Themselves That Way

If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.”

The difference in impact between the two is huge.

What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?

Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.

If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.

Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.

So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.

Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”

Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.

I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.

With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.

→ What feedback has shaped your leadership the most?

How to Handle Performance Reviews Without Losing Trust as a New Manager

Clammy hands. Lead in your shoes. A conversation you don’t want to have.

You feel your team member has been underperforming this year. You’ve been struggling with what to tell him. The rating you’re giving him means no salary increase. You know he disagrees and that the conversation might escalate.

You prepare for an unpleasant experience. Hoping for the best.

<<pause here>>

Performance reviews. Still used in many companies, and about as fun as getting a root canal.

But they don’t have to be.

What can help you make these conversations easier?

𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀.

Without these, it’s hard to fairly assess their performance, and explain your decision. 

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿.

There should be no surprises during a performance review conversation. It should be a high-level summary of all performance related conversations that year. Most of us postpone feedback because we fear confrontation. The reason? The incorrect assumption that giving feedback is a negative thing. It’s not. Giving constructive feedback is an essential part of your work, and necessary for your team to grow.

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱.

As a manager, some decisions, like who gets which raise or promotion, will piss of certain people. That’s why it’s so important to act with clarity and integrity, setting clear goals, and being able to explain your decisions.

People might get emotional, even angry. That’s okay. When that happens, give them some space to either vent or let it out. During heated moments, pause talking about the topic itself, address the emotions calmy, and continue with the topic when things have settled down.

Even if you do all these things, you still might have to deliver bad news (like no raises due to budget cuts). The better you can explain your team why, the easier the conversation. And the better you understand your management’s reasoning, the better you can pass on the message. Don’t be afraid to ask your manager all the questions you need in order to do this.

When done well, performance reviews mean your team knows what success looks like, how to get there, and how they’ll be rewarded.

Managing People You Don’t Like

You’re about to start your 1:1 with a team member.
The one you don’t like.
And doesn’t like you.

I often write about empathy, compassion, and connection. But today I want to tackle a slightly taboo truth: 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩.

There will always be people you enjoy more, and less. And the feeling sometimes is mutual.

A few things I’ve learned:

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
It’s human to want approval—but overcompensating can feel inauthentic and burn you out.

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
Pulling away or treating them worse than others, an understandable response, isn’t fair and will make matters worse. It also lowers trust in you as a leader.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹.
What feels personal often isn’t. Maybe you got the role they wanted. Maybe your performance view clashes with theirs. Maybe you remind them of someone from their past. Maybe your communication styles just grate. The less you internalise it, the better you’ll lead.

Ask yourself: 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮’𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺?

If yes: name the elephant in the room, calmly, without blame, and stress you want the best outcome for you both.
If no: still, you can ask, “Is there anything I can do to improve the way we work together?”

Leadership is a constant balancing act between the needs of your team, your client, your manager, and your company. You can’t make everyone happy.

If you find a balance that feels fair, serves the bigger picture, and doesn’t drain you dry, you’re doing great.

When Do You Become Too Self-critical?

“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?

There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:

Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.

We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”

But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.

🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.

It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.

Here’s what helps me reframe:

“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”

That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.

Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.

How to Up-Manage Well

Not all rising leaders are the loudest or most experienced ones.

Some are just quietly doing something most people overlook:

They think like owners—and that includes how they manage up.

It’s not just about leading your team.
It’s about supporting your manager too:
→ Keeping them informed
→ Flagging issues early
→ Helping them avoid surprises

Because when you practice up-management well,
you earn freedom.
You stop getting micromanaged.
You get pulled into real decisions.
You start getting seen differently—like someone who gets the bigger picture.

A few ways to start:
✅ Keep a shared doc with live updates—they’ll never have to chase
✅ Ask: “What could I do this week to make your job easier?”
✅ Offer a possible fix with every issue—even a rough one is better than none

How to Make Meetings More Effective?

It’s 13:58.
You’ve just spent 58 minutes nodding, bouncing ideas, feeling like “𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.”

Then someone says:
“𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭’𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 — 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭”

𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸.
𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.
You stare at your screen, slightly dazed, mildly irritated, already bracing for the next one.
And it hits you:
𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴?
Who’s doing what? By when?

We’ve all been there many times.

It wasn’t really a meeting.
It was a conversation with a calendar invite.
And conversations — without clarity — don’t drive results.

Here’s the fix:

📌 In the last 3 minutes, ask:

  1. 𝙒𝙝𝙤 is doing something?
  2. 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 exactly are they doing?
  3. 𝘽𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 will it be done?

Then start your next meeting by checking in on those three.

When meetings end with 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽,
you’ll need fewer of them — and get more done.

And the holy grail?
You might even get to say the sexiest line in corporate life:
“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺.”

You don’t even have to be the host.
Just say:
“𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯?”

Try it once. Your future self will thank you.

Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior as a Manager

It was the sigh for me.

That long, dramatic exhale in the middle of our meeting—the kind that doesn’t need words to say:

“Let’s not pretend we like each other, and finish this meeting asap.”
The kind that makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward.

And what did I do?
I smiled.
Nodded.
Acted like all was well.

This was early in my leadership career, and back then, my go-to strategy for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior was… well, 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲.

I didn’t want to make it worse.
Didn’t want to seem harsh or overly “bossy.”
I wanted to keep the relationship strong.

But here’s what I’ve learned since:
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.

Because the more I ignored it, the more it showed up.
And the more I stayed silent, the harder it became to speak up.

Today, I handle it differently.

I say something like:
“Hey—I sensed a bit of tension in our last conversation. Can we talk about it?”

Curious.
Calm.
Clear.

It’s not about calling someone 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
It’s about calling them 𝘪𝘯.

Because leadership isn’t about being liked at all costs.
It’s about creating relationships rooted in respect—and the kind of honesty that actually builds trust.

The Power of Your Expectations

How much do you really believe in your team’s potential?

The expectations you set for them could be the difference between success and stagnation.

The Pygmalion Effect shows us that when you expect your team to succeed, they’re more likely to do so.

But the Golem Effect tells us the opposite:
If you expect little, your team may underperform—whether you intend that or not.

I wish I knew about these effects a few years ago, as they’re very real.

Your beliefs can either limit or amplify your team’s growth.

High expectations encourage initiative, creativity, and responsibility.
Low expectations breed hesitation and a lack of engagement.

To maximize your team’s potential, focus on the power of your belief in them.

Challenge yourself:
Are you empowering your team through trust and high expectations?
Or are you holding them back with doubt?

🔺Are you looking for an incompany management training? I’d love to discuss this further!

How To Stop Negativity From Spreading In Your Team

Negativity spreads fast.

One complaint turns into a group venting session.
One frustration becomes the team’s mood.

I’ve seen it happen. And as a manager, it can make you feel powerless.

Especially when the frustration is about things outside your control—like salaries, company policies, or strategic decisions made higher up.

You don’t want to silence people. They have the right to voice concerns.
At the same time, research shows that some ways of dealing with negativity—like avoidance, suppression, or manipulation—only make things worse. Instead of resolving tension, these approaches allow negativity to fester or resurface in unproductive ways.

So, how do you manage it?

1. Acknowledge, but don’t amplify

Let people vent, but don’t fuel the fire.
“I hear you. This is frustrating. What do you think we can do within our control?”
Redirect the conversation toward action.

2. Reframe the narrative

Negativity thrives in a vacuum. If people lack context, they assume the worst.
As a manager, you can help reframe the situation:
“I get why this feels unfair, but here’s the bigger picture…”

This is called reappraisal—shifting how we interpret a situation. Studies show that once a new perspective spreads among 25-40% of a group, the rest will likely adopt it too.

3. Set the emotional tone

Your team will take cues from you. Stay calm, steady, and constructive.

Negativity isn’t the enemy. But letting it take over is.

Strong leaders don’t ignore emotions. They help teams process them—without getting stuck.