Dealing With Unrealistic Expectations as a Manager

David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with managers and leaders at all levels on dealing with unrealistic expectations at work. This article helps leaders distinguish between demands that are structurally unreasonable and situations where they themselves are the bottleneck. Practical conversation scripts and prioritization strategies make the difference concrete.

Your calendar is full. The expectations are high. And no matter how hard you work, it never feels like enough.

This does not go away with more experience. Many of the leaders I work with are in the same bind after ten years as they were in their first management role. The pressure shifts. The expectations grow. But the feeling stays the same.

Dealing with unrealistic expectations as a manager is one of the most underestimated challenges in any leadership role.

The pressure exists at every level

As a leader, you get pulled from both sides.

Your team needs you. They need decisions, direction, and someone who shows up when things get complicated.

Your own manager, your director, or your board wants results. Progress. Proof that your approach is working. Organizations regularly skip essential management training, assuming their leaders can simply handle the pressure.

And you stand in between. Trying to do right by everyone at once.

Is it unrealistic, or are you the bottleneck?

This is the question most leaders avoid. Because the answer is sometimes uncomfortable.

The expectations may be unrealistic if:

You do not have the resources that other teams or leaders at your level have.
Timelines ignore dependencies that are outside your control.
Your team is understaffed or structurally under-resourced.
You are being asked to fix problems that existed long before you took the role.

You may be the bottleneck if:

You are constantly busy but rarely finish anything strategic.
You are doing work your team could handle.
You have not delegated anything meaningful in the past month.
You keep postponing difficult conversations because they feel uncomfortable.

Both can be true at the same time. The expectations can be too high and you can still work more effectively. Getting clear on that distinction before you have the conversation makes a real difference.

How do you talk to your manager about this?

This is the conversation most people avoid. You do not want to come across as weak. You do not want to make excuses. You want to figure it out yourself.

But staying quiet does not solve anything. Start from what you want to achieve, not from what is going wrong.

A script that works: “I want to talk about priorities. I want to make sure I am focused on what matters most to you this quarter. Can we align on what success looks like for me right now?”

You are not saying “this is too much.” You are saying “I want to do this well. Help me understand what that means.”

Then get specific: “Right now I am juggling three major things. If X is the priority, I want to make sure I have the space to do it properly. That might mean Y moves back, or we organize Z differently. What makes the most sense to you?”

You show that you understand the trade-offs. You are managing expectations, not complaining.

What you negotiate, and what you just do

Pick your battles when dealing with unrealistic expectations as a manager.

Do not negotiate on:

Being present for your team when it counts.
Following through on commitments you have made.
Taking responsibility for the outcomes of your team.

Do negotiate on:

Timelines that ignore reality.
Taking on new projects when your plate is already full.
Work your team can handle but you are still doing yourself.
Meetings where your presence adds little.

When the problem is you

Sometimes the expectations are not unrealistic. You are just not leading as effectively as you could be.

Signs that might be the case:

You are the only one who can make certain decisions, even small ones.
Your team waits for you instead of acting independently.
You keep putting off difficult conversations, hoping things improve on their own.
Your agenda is filled by others, not by you.

If this sounds familiar, leadership coaching is often a logical next step. Not because something is wrong, but because getting an outside perspective is how good leaders keep getting better.

It takes honesty to see this in yourself. But it is fixable.

Control starts with an honest picture

Leaders who handle high expectations well do not have less pressure than you. They have a clearer picture of what they can take on, what they delegate, and where they say no.

That clarity does not come automatically. It takes reflection. Sometimes it takes someone holding up a mirror.

But it starts with being willing to ask the question: is this unrealistic, or am I?

Start here

This week:

Write down what you think your manager or leadership team expects from you. Concrete, not vague.
Schedule a conversation to check whether you are right.
Identify one thing you need, clarity, space, or resources, and ask for it directly.

You do not have to carry the pressure alone. You do need to understand it.

Interested or curious? Let’s chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.