Dealing with Criticism at Work: The Silent Growth Killer for New Managers
David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with new managers on personal leadership development. This article explores why managers get defensive when receiving critical feedback, how that defensiveness blocks growth, and what to do instead. It addresses common challenges like imposter syndrome and the transition from expert to leader.
Imagine this moment. You just finished a big client presentation. The energy in the room was great. You feel proud of your team. Then, during the debrief, a team member leans in.
"Hey, you seemed a bit disconnected in the second half. You kept talking over the lead designer."
Your smile drops. Your stomach tightens. Suddenly, you are not thinking about the successful presentation. You are thinking about that team member. You remind yourself they are always late. You tell yourself their own work is far from perfect.
For three days, you stay annoyed. Not because of the comment, but because they had the nerve to point it out. Dealing with criticism at work can be difficult. But if you see criticism as feedback, and feedback as valuable information, you're on the path to growth.
The Defensive Reflex
When someone points out toilet paper on your shoe, you laugh and fix it. It is an easy fix. But when someone points out a flaw in your leadership, it feels personal.
"You talk over people." "Your follow-through is lacking." "The team feels you are micromanaging."
Your brain kicks in to protect you. You tell yourself they don't know the full story. You judge the messenger to avoid the message. I have done this too. Getting defensive is easier than listening. It is a shield we use when we worry we are not good enough for the promotion we just got.
Why Defensiveness Keeps You Stuck
This reaction is what keeps managers from reaching the next level. If you cannot deal with criticism at work, you cannot grow. You stay the expert who happened to get a title, but you never become the leader people want to follow.
Everyone else already sees these flaws. By pushing the feedback away, you are the only one left in the dark. You miss the one insight that could actually help you move forward.
How to 'Take Off the Sunglasses'
In my coaching sessions, we call this "taking off the sunglasses." You need to see the reality of your behaviour without the tint of your own ego.
1. Pause the reaction. When the sting hits, just breathe. Do not explain yourself.
2. Search for the 2%. Even if you disagree with 98% of the feedback, find the 2% that is true. That is where your growth lives.
3. Write it down. Look at the notes tomorrow. Fresh eyes see less threat and more opportunity.
You do not have to agree with everything people say. However, if you never truly hear it, you will keep blunting your own impact.
From Expert to Leader
Leadership starts where your comfort zone ends. It requires the courage to be seen, including the messy parts. If you find yourself constantly fighting off feedback, it might be time to look at the underlying patterns holding you back. This is what Personal Leadership is about. The foundation of true leadership.
If you want to work on this in a structured way, leadership coaching is a good place to start. And for organisations that want to address this across their management layer, management training is the more scalable route.
Interested or curious? Let's chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.
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