Progress, not Perfectionism

Dear fellow-perfectionists: it’s not a strength, it’s a way of seeking approval.

In job interviews, people often humblebrag about their biggest weakness being perfectionism. It sounds like a hidden strength, doesn’t it?

Only, it’s not.

We tell ourselves, “I care a lot about my work. When I do something, I want it done right!”.

But deep down, there is small voice saying, “If I don’t do everything perfectly, people won’t value me. I feel like my worth depends on how flawless my work is. I’m scared of making mistakes—what if they stop respecting or liking me?”.

It’s great to work hard and aim for high quality. Those are good things.

But when perfectionism takes over, it can lead to stress, anxiety and burnout. Research shows that perfectionism can actually make it harder to reach our goals.

As leaders, we might notice team members who push themselves too hard, striving for impossible standards. At first glance, we might think, “Great! This person delivers quality.” But in the long run, it’s not good for them or the team because it’s not sustainable.

We can help by encouraging them to focus on progress, not perfection, and by reminding them that mistakes are part of learning.

So, how to find the line between doing good work and falling into perfectionism?

  • Set high goals without making them impossible or taking over our lives.
  • Focus on making progress instead of being perfect.
  • Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing really making my work better, or am I stuck on tiny details that don’t add much value?”.

As Tony Robbins says, “perfectionism is the lowest possible standard – because it’s impossible to attain”.

Mistakes are part of learning. They’re not signs that you’re not good enough but chances to grow and improve.

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

This might be controversial, but here’s something we need to talk about…

Social media is flooded with leadership quotes. We like them, we share them, and we think, “Gosh, when will my manager finally get this?” 🙄

But how often do we take a hard look at our own leadership?

Here’s the irony – most managers are on LinkedIn daily, yet many teams are still struggling.

It’s easy to scroll through content and believe the advice is for others. But true leadership starts with self-examination.

Are we actively seeking out feedback, especially when it’s tough to hear? Do we confront our own shortcomings?

Next time you come across a leadership quote, challenge yourself: Am I living up to this standard with my team?

If yes – how can you actually verify if this is true?

Keep the Dunning-Kruger effect in mind – people who objectively score among the bottom 0-25% on a particular skill rate themselves in the 50-75% bracket.

Unconscious incompetence is quite common.

❗ If you believe you’re doing great, but your team is consistently difficult or disengaged, it might be a sign to reevaluate your approach.

Here’s the truth – the leaders who practice honest self-reflection grow the fastest. They get promoted faster, score better on performance reviews, and lead happier teams.

Let’s not just scroll through inspirational quotes. Let’s live them.

Imagine the impact you could have by truly applying these principles.

Reflect deeply, lead with authenticity, and watch your team – and yourself – flourish. 💪

Great Leaders Are Great Communicators

Think of someone you know that communicates really well.

And someone that doesn’t.

What makes the difference?

Communication in leadership is like fine-tuning a musical instrument—it makes every performance better.

Especially for starting managers, getting this right from the beginning gives you a head start.

Here’s a challenge for you: 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵.

Need inspiration? Below you’ll find some ideas:

𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴
📌 Tip: Use reflective listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what the speaker has said to confirm understanding.

𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗔𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Before communicating, take a moment to organize your thoughts to ensure clarity and precision in your message.

𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘂𝗮𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Remember WIIFM – “What’s In It For Me”? – A thought that’s often on our minds (we are human, after all). If you can pro-actively address this in your communication, you’re more convincing.

𝗔𝗱𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Adjust your communication style to match the preferences of your audience—some may prefer directness, while others may need more context.

𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸
📌 Tip: Regularly ask for feedback on your communication style and effectiveness, showing you value continuous improvement.

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗵𝘆
📌 Tip: When giving instructions, starting meetings or sharing updates, always explain the context. You might see the bigger picture, but your audience might not.

𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀
📌 Tip: Ask open-ended questions that start with “what” or “how” to encourage detailed responses and deeper discussions.

Improving how you communicate can dramatically enhance your interactions and the impact you can make.

The Most Important Realization In Your Life

Is there life before death?

Wow, easy there, buddy. What a morbid question!

For many of us in the West, contemplating death is taboo. We avoid it at all costs.

While in many philosophies and cultures, from the Stoics to current day Tibet, contemplating our mortality is seen as an essential part of life.

In the West, we often overvalue “time = money”, and believe we are here on Earth only to be productive.

We can get too focused on promotions, raises or material success, forgetting that those things in itself do not lead to happiness.

We act like we only live to work.

But is that true?

Let’s do a thought experiment..

What if you knew you only have 1 more month to live?

Would you then lay awake at night, thinking about what your manager said to you? Or about that presentation that didn’t go as planned?

Would you add that extra project to your already full schedule, or would you choose to spend more time with friends or family?

Would you spend your commute mindlessly scrolling the news, or would you enjoy the colours in the sky?

If you would do things differently after hearing that news – why not do it now?

Work is an essential part of our life. But it’s not the reason why we’re here.

Reflect on what it means to you to live a full and happy life.

You don’t even have to switch jobs, as there are many ways to make your current job more enjoyable and meaningful.

In the evening, spend five minutes reflecting on your day. Write about moments or people that made you feel alive, connected, or genuinely happy.

This helps in recognizing the value of your daily experiences beyond work achievements and material success.

Burning yourself out chasing after more senior titles or money will not get you what you hope for. It never does in the end.

Instead, work to make a positive impact – on your team, your company and for your clients.

Work to grow, learn, and have fun.

Work to connect with people.

Work to support your life outside of work.

You only have one life.

Make the most out of it.

Creating Long-Term Behavioral Change – What’s The Secret?

Remember your New Year’s resolutions? How’s that going?

If yours are barely hanging on, you’re not alone — less than 10% of us keep them alive.

Harvard’s Kegan and Lahey’s groundbreaking book “Immunity to Change”, shows us why.

In a nutshell – we have ‘hidden commitments’ (subconscious promises) to ourselves, that conflict with our best intentions to change.

These deeply influence our actions.

Kegan and Lahey’s work shows how we unknowingly shield ourselves from change with our hidden commitments and fears, despite our efforts to evolve.

Without realizing this, long lasting change is almost impossible.

Take delegation, for example.

On the surface, it seems straightforward: you’re swamped with work and need to offload some tasks to your team.

However, despite your best intentions, you find yourself hesitating to delegate.

The Immunity to Change framework might reveal a hidden commitment to always being the one who solves problems.

Perhaps it’s driven by an underlying assumption that if you’re not the one fixing things, your value as a leader diminishes.

Another common workplace scenario is receiving feedback.

You know it’s essential for growth, yet each time feedback is offered, you defensively justify your actions or dismiss the suggestions.

This resistance could come from a conflicting hidden commitment to maintaining your self-image as competent and perfect.

Strengthened by the assumption that any criticism is a threat to your identity.

How to solve this? Visualize these internal dynamics, with an Immunity to Change-map.

It always consists of the same 4 columns:

1. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 (e.g., be a better listener),
2. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱 (dismiss differing opinions),
3. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (only valuing aligned views),
4. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (believing I’m always right).

Our visible commitments (what we aim to do) and our hidden commitments conflict with each other.

By mapping this out, we can actually see why we are sabotaging our intentions to change.

Acknowledging these hidden commitments and the assumptions fueling them is the first step.

Next, challenge these beliefs. Do they really serve you? Or do you merely serve them?

Personally, I tried to become a better listener (1).

And at the same time, when listening I focused mostly on verifying if their story matched my beliefs (2), which blocks actual listening.

My hidden, subconscious, commitment to myself, was to only listen to opinions I agree with (3).

The hidden (and 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘦𝘥) assumption: I know what’s right (4).

Mapping out your Immunity-to-Change map can lead to breakthroughs and transformational growth.

It works both for individuals, teams and organisations.

Ready to see what’s really holding you back? Message me to start mapping your route to real change.