More Digital Connection, Less Human Connection.

Have you also noticed that weโ€™re constantly connected through social media, but still many people feel more disconnected than ever?  

Next week, the ๐˜ž๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ˆ๐˜จ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜“๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด kicks off in the Netherlands, and itโ€™s got me thinking about how many people, even in a bustling city like Amsterdam, feel disconnected. Did you know that 4 out of 10 adults in Amsterdam regularly experience loneliness? Itโ€™s a huge number, and yet itโ€™s something many of us donโ€™t talk about enough.

Iโ€™ve been lucky enough to be involved with two organizations that are trying to make a difference in their own waysโ€”Humanitas and JCI.

Humanitas, a national nonprofit, is focused on supporting people through community service, and one of their main pillars is addressing loneliness. Their Van Mij Naar Wij (From Me, To We) project pairs volunteers with individuals seeking more connection, offering them much-needed companionship and support.

On the other hand, JCI (Junior Chamber International) is a global network of young professionals, with a broader mission to contribute to society through leadership and social impact. While loneliness isnโ€™t a specific theme for JCI, itโ€™s a space where members can create projects that help their communities.

Humanitas recently launched a new campaign to shine a light on loneliness and the impact of Van Mij Naar Wij. Part of the campaign is to record personal and heartwarming stories around the theme of human connection.

I had the opportunity to join forces with an amazing person equally committed to raising awareness for this cause and project. Together, we filmed a story that reflects the power and importance of connection, which Iโ€™m happy to share below (in Dutch).

To build on this, a group of us from both Humanitas and our local JCI chamber, Amsterdam Zuid, collaborated to create something special: an art exhibition focused on connection. Weโ€™re opening the exhibition next Thursday in De Hoftuin, right at the start of the Week Against Loneliness, and it will run for a week.

Weโ€™re showing artwork that participants and volunteers of the project made, around the theme of โ€˜connectionโ€™. The goal is to spark more conversations about loneliness and how we can all do our part to combat it.

Raising awareness is key. Loneliness is something many people struggle with, but itโ€™s also something we can all help address, even in small ways. Whether thatโ€™s through volunteering, checking in on someone, or just being a little more mindful of those around us, we can all make a difference.

๐—œ๐—ณ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚’๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—”๐—บ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—บ, ๐˜„๐—ฒโ€™๐—ฑ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜ ๐—ง๐—ต๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜†, ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ 26๐˜๐—ต, 2024 ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿณ:๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐——๐—ฒ ๐—›๐—ผ๐—ณ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—”๐—บ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—บ, ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฝ ๐—ฏ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜†๐˜๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ธ.

Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy

Do you feel like you need to be available at all hours to lead effectively?

Many emerging leaders believe this, but itโ€™s a misconception.

Always being โ€œonโ€ drains your energy, leaving you with little capacity for the strategic thinking needed to truly lead.

Effective leaders understand the importance of setting boundaries. Itโ€™s not about always being present; itโ€™s about being present at the right moments.

Your energy and focus are your greatest assetsโ€”donโ€™t waste them on every minor distraction.

And always having the answer ready creates dependencies, lowers your teamโ€™s sense of ownership and problem-solving skills.

Step back.

Focus on the bigger picture.

Thatโ€™s how you lead with impact.

What you resist, persists.

This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my life.

For years, when feelings of anger, sadness, and fear came up, I tried to push them away, hoping they’d vanish. I’d look for distractions. Instead, they lingered on, sometimes for decades.

What actually works, is very counter-intuitive: embrace those emotions.

Feel them fully. Observe the physical expressions of the emotion in your body. Pay attention to the tightness in your chest, the constriction in your throat, the sting in your heart, the knot in your belly. Donโ€™t try to change them. Just feel them, or better: welcome them.

๐—ช๐—ต๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ธ?

Emotions are signals from our subconscious. Once we truly feel them, theyโ€™ve served their purpose and can disappear. But resisting them activates different areas of our brain (our fight-flight-freeze system), keeping those emotions alive and kicking.

Embracing them doesnโ€™t make deeply ingrained emotions disappear overnight, but itโ€™s an essential part of letting them go.

It’s exactly the opposite of what 95% of us are doing, but itโ€™s incredibly freeing, and it works.

For instance, if you’re about to present something to a big group and feel a rush of anxiety, our usual thought is: “Ugh, I wish I didn’t feel so anxious!”.

Next time, try this: pause, focus on the physical sensations, and allow yourself to feel the anxiety without trying to push it away. “I feel nervous, my chest feels tight, and that’s okay.”

Notice the tightness in your chest or the butterflies in your stomach. By acknowledging and feeling these sensations, you can reduce their power over you.

Take a moment today. Sit with whatever emotion is present. Feel it without judgment or negativity.

It can be tricky at first, but it’s definitely worth it.

Have you ever tried this method? What did it do for you?

I’d love to hear.


โ— Note: this is notns a solution to complex emotional issues or traumas, nor is it a substitute for therapy, when needed.

A Zen story With a Profound Lesson

Ever heard the Zen koan about the fish seller?

A koan is a short story to invoke insight.  I wasnโ€™t sure to share it, as itโ€™s quite abstract, but because I love it, Iโ€™m doing it anyway.

It goes like this:

“Banzan was walking through the market when he overheard a conversation between a fish seller and his customer.

The customer asked for the best piece of fish.

The seller replied, ‘All my pieces of fish are the best I have.’

Upon hearing this, Banzan was enlightened.”

Ok, that seller is either a genius, of desperately needs a marketing course. But whatโ€™s the point here actually?

Itโ€™s this: what if we saw every experience, every moment, as the best we have?

You might be thinking, โ€œYeah right, how is that aweful performance review the best moment I have?โ€

Itโ€™s not about the situation, itโ€™s about how we ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ the situation.

When you approach a meeting thinking, “I hate this,” you’re already creating stress. For yourself.

You canโ€™t control this initial spark of stress or negativity, thatโ€™s just your mind doing its thing.

But the moment you become aware of if, you have a choice to go along with that story, or not.

Usually, we go along with the mindโ€™s story, and start having an internal conversation with ourselves about how this or that is terrible.

The result? It creates tension and drain your energy.

Instead, consider this approach:

โœ… Before the meeting, take a moment to breathe and set an intention.
Think, “What can I gain from this meeting?”

โœ… Realize: ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐—ฎ๐˜†. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ.
โœ… During the meeting, engage actively. Focus on understanding and connecting with the other, and contributing your best.
โœ… After the meeting, find one positive takeaway, even if itโ€™s small.

This shift in mindset doesnโ€™t make the meeting (or situation) perfect, but it reduces the stress and helps you find value in the experience.

Even in our toughest moments, our bodies perform miracles. Billions of cells are working every second to keep us alive and functioning. This perspective can be incredibly empowering.

For managers, judging and resisting saps your energy.

Accepting each moment as it is can recharge your leadership and give you the clarity to inspire your team.

This doesnโ€™t mean you canโ€™t try to improve situations, or your life. To grow, learn. But when done from a state of accepting every moment as it is, without resistance, is so much more powerful.

So, what caused this major shift in Banzan after hearing that conversation?

He realized that his tendency to think โ€œI donโ€™t want this, I want thatโ€ was making him miserable.

And the lesson from the sellerโ€™s perspective: everything we do is the best in that moment. Big tasks or small, they all matter.

Try seeing each moment as perfect.

I know from experience: it’s not easy, but the better you get at this, the happier you’ll be.

<3

Completing a 10-Day Vipassana Meditation Course – My Experiences and Insights

Last week, I completed a 10-day Vipassana meditation course. Many of you have asked about my experience, so I want to share it here, hoping it might offer some wisdom and inspiration for your own journey.

This is a longer post, but I hope it resonates with you.

The course was spartan. Every day began at 4 AM. We meditated for 10 hours a day, with three hours dedicated to sitting perfectly still. There was no speaking, no eye contact, and no physical touch. Our last meal was at 11 AM.

These strict conditions strip away distractions, forcing you to confront the raw workings of your mind.

The goal of Vipassana is simple: to see things as they really are. It teaches you to observe your sensations without reacting, cultivating a balanced mind.

The technique weakens the mind’s conditioning to chase after what we crave and flee from what we dislike. Instead, it allows you to respond with awareness rather than react instinctively.

๐—œ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐Ÿญ: ๐—˜๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฆ๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฆ๐˜๐—ถ๐—น๐—น๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€
During those 10 days, I experienced profound silence. In that silence, my mind became crystal clear. Memories I thought were lost came back. Without the constant influx of dopamine from my phone, email, and the news, I realized how much it clutters our brains.

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ: In your work, carve out moments of silence and stillness. Disconnect from your devices. Use this time to think deeply, plan strategically, and reconnect with your inner self. It will enhance your clarity and decision-making.

๐—œ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐Ÿฎ: ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—Ÿ๐—ฎ๐˜„ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—œ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ
One core lesson was the law of impermanence. Everything changes. Pain and pleasure, joy and sorrowโ€”they all come and go. This understanding brings peace and balance.

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ: In leadership, remember that challenges and successes are both temporary. This perspective helps you stay grounded during crises and humble during triumphs.

๐—œ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐Ÿฏ: ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐— ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ ๐—ช๐—ฒ ๐—ช๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ
We all create images of ourselves and spend tremendous energy protecting them. Vipassana strips away these masks, revealing our true selves.

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ: As a leader, embrace authenticity. Encourage your team to be genuine. Authenticity fosters trust and deeper connections, which are the foundations of strong leadership.

๐—œ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐Ÿฐ: ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฃ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐— ๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ฎ
At the end of the course, we practiced Metta Bhavana, the meditation of loving-kindness. Itโ€™s a powerful exercise to cultivate compassion and love. Simply focus on sending well-wishes to yourself and others.

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ: Start a Metta meditation practice. Increasing your empathy and compassion will help you become a better leader.

Vipassana was a challenging, yet profoundly rewarding experience. It taught me the value of silence, the nature of impermanence, the importance of authenticity, and the power of compassion.

These courses are run by volunteers and funded only by donations from former students. I am deeply grateful for their dedication and support.

One Year After Leaving My Corporate Career

This week marks exactly one year after my last working day of a decade-long career, leading teams.

And the beginning of a new adventure.

So much has happened since!

I completed my Co-Active coach training, started my own business, and found my ikigai in leadership development coaching.

(If your Japanese is a bit rusty – ikigai is about doing that which you love, are good at, and that the world needs.)

The most rewarding part of leadership development is that it works like an amplifier.

A leaderโ€™s growth naturally extends to their team. Their success and well-being inspire those around them, creating a ripple effect of positive change.

I feel more alive, fulfilled, and happy than ever.

The positive feedback and support from many of you has meant the world to me.

Special shoutout to Frederike Driesse and Jasper Brand at The Talent Institute in Amsterdam for their trust, as they were my first B2B client. The Talent Institute creates inspiring development programs for talents in design, innovation, and marketing. Worth checking out.

And as someone whoโ€™s slightly introverted, Iโ€™ve discovered a surprising love for networking and connecting with new people.

Itโ€™s not all roses and sunshine though. (What?! ๐Ÿ˜œ)

Challenges like financial uncertainty, no-shows, and missing regular colleague interactions are real.

But for me, itโ€™s definitely worth it.

A key goal the past half year was to post valuable content for you weekly.

Iโ€™m now heading off for a 10-day silent retreat, so next week will be my first break from posting.

I look forward to returning with fresh clarity and inspiration for the coming year.

And thereโ€™s a very exciting project on the horizon โ€“ more details soon.

Huge thanks to all of you for your continued support!

โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™

Admitting We Don’t Have All The Answers – Increasing Vulnerability In The Workplace

โ€œI don’t know.โ€

โ€œI really don’t know.โ€

How refreshing to admit this!

Itโ€™s something I wish I’d said more often in my career.

Do we need to be able to answer every question? Must we have an opinion on everything? Not necessarily.

Especially in leadership, there’s an expectation to respond to every query and attend every meeting.

Sometimes it’s because we feel responsible; other times, it’s because we fear appearing incapable.

But itโ€™s okay not to know everything.

Acknowledging this doesnโ€™t diminish your value.

If the question is important, you can admit you donโ€™t have the answer yet, but youโ€™ll try to find out.

Or, recognize that you might have other priorities demanding your energy.

Perhaps, the person asking could even discover the answer themselves.

Letโ€™s show up with more vulnerability at work, and less need for perfection.

By doing so, we can redirect our time and energy towards what truly matters.

The Most Important Realization In Your Life

Is there life before death?

Wow, easy there, buddy. What a morbid question!

For many of us in the West, contemplating death is taboo. We avoid it at all costs.

While in many philosophies and cultures, from the Stoics to current day Tibet, contemplating our mortality is seen as an essential part of life.

In the West, we often overvalue โ€œtime = moneyโ€, and believe we are here on Earth only to be productive.

We can get too focused on promotions, raises or material success, forgetting that those things in itself do not lead to happiness.

We act like we only live to work.

But is that true?

Letโ€™s do a thought experiment..

What if you knew you only have 1 more month to live?

Would you then lay awake at night, thinking about what your manager said to you? Or about that presentation that didnโ€™t go as planned?

Would you add that extra project to your already full schedule, or would you choose to spend more time with friends or family?

Would you spend your commute mindlessly scrolling the news, or would you enjoy the colours in the sky?

If you would do things differently after hearing that news – why not do it now?

Work is an essential part of our life. But itโ€™s not the reason why weโ€™re here.

Reflect on what it means to you to live a full and happy life.

You donโ€™t even have to switch jobs, as there are many ways to make your current job more enjoyable and meaningful.

In the evening, spend five minutes reflecting on your day. Write about moments or people that made you feel alive, connected, or genuinely happy.

This helps in recognizing the value of your daily experiences beyond work achievements and material success.

Burning yourself out chasing after more senior titles or money will not get you what you hope for. It never does in the end.

Instead, work to make a positive impact โ€“ on your team, your company and for your clients.

Work to grow, learn, and have fun.

Work to connect with people.

Work to support your life outside of work.

You only have one life.

Make the most out of it.

How To Make Meditation And Mindfulness A Part Of Your Life To Reduce Anxiety And Increase Happiness

Whatโ€™s the connection between The Muppets and mindfulness? Stick with meโ€”this isn’t the setup for a joke.. (Could be a great one though.)

Remember Waldorf and Statler, the critics in the balcony? Theyโ€™re a metaphor for our own minds: often negative, judging ourselves and others.

Evolutionarily, that makes perfect sense. Your brain – basically a radar scanning for danger – evolved in dangerous times.

Tigers could jump out of every bush. ๐Ÿ…

In modern times this constant scanning causes anxiety and unhappiness.

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜-๐˜€๐—ผ-๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜„๐˜€?

You canโ€™t completely silence those inner critics.

Theyโ€™re hard-wired into your brain. (And small, short doses of self-criticism can be healthy.)

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜„๐˜€?

Meditation offers an escape.

It allows you to step out of the balcony and watch those grumpy guys go on and on from a distance.

Realizing you donโ€™t have to listen to or reply to everything they say is such a relief. Most of it isn’t true anyway.

Two years ago I started a daily meditation practice. It gave me more peace of mind, positivity and focus. It reduced many of my worries.

Curious about meditation, and unsure where to begin? Try this:

โ–ธ Set an alarm or โณfor 5/10 mins.
โ–ธ Sit comfortably, eyes closed.
โ–ธ Focus on your breath.
โ–ธ Thoughts will interruptโ€” you canโ€™t stop them. Imagine Waldorf and Statler doing their usual thing.
โ–ธ Label these thoughts as thoughts, without engaging with them. Like watching clouds drift by.
โ–ธ Keep going back to your breath.

Thatโ€™s it.

Regular practice increases the amount of grey matter in your brain, increasing cognitive function. ๐Ÿง  (Or in less fancy terms: makes you smarter.)

It also boosts mood, focus and productivity and lowers stress and anxiety. It really works.

Does this mean thinking is bad? Absolutely not. But use it as a tool, when you need it.

Ready to stop being puppeteered by your thoughts? Give meditation a go. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

Call 0800-MEDITATION for support. Or schedule a call with me.

How To Be Assertive AND Empathetic?

Too hard or too soft? It’s not a pillow questionโ€”it’s about leadership style.

An effective leader knows how to combine assertiveness with empathy.

Assertiveness doesn’t mean being harsh; it’s about finding the right balance between passivity and aggression.

Empathy isn’t about just accepting everything – it’s about truly understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings.

A 2500-year-old practice I’ve grown to love for increasing empathy and compassion is ‘Metta’, or ‘loving-kindness’ meditation.

I was skeptical at first, but integrating it into my routine increased my empathy and changed how I connect with others.

How to practice ‘๐— ๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ฎ’?

๐—™๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ ๐—ค๐˜‚๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜: Sit comfortably, close your eyes.

๐—ฉ๐—ถ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜‡๐—ฒ ๐—ฆ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—–๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—”๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜: Start by picturing your best friend. Wish them health, happiness, and well-being. Connect with these feelings.

๐—˜๐˜…๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฆ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ: Gradually move to someone neutral, like a helpful store clerk, and then to someone you have difficulties with or don’t like.

๐—ช๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ต ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐—ช๐—ฒ๐—น๐—น: Remember, this isnโ€™t just for them; itโ€™s for enhancing your own emotional powers.

By practicing these steps, you’re strengthening your empathy muscle by creating stronger neural pathways for compassion and empathy in your brain.

Interested in mastering both assertive and empathetic leadership?

Letโ€™s chat about how these skills can transform your approach and help you lead more effectively.