Feeling more connected to your team as a manager: from task-focused to human leadership

I had a coaching session recently that brought something personal to the surface. Something I didn’t want to face for years.

I used to lead with one priority: get things done. Task-first. No small talk. Just results. Blue-Red on DISC, if you know the model. My entire system was built on efficiency.

I saw work as a series of checklists and problems. What mattered was how quickly I could tick them off. The fewer words, the better. Relationships? That could wait. Or actually: not at all.

But that mindset, left unchecked, costs more than it gives.

The question that changed everything

One day, I asked myself a simple question: “If I do this for 40 years, just execute, just produce, what’s left at the end? A clean inbox?”

We spend most of our waking life at work. If we don’t build relationships there, if we don’t create meaning, what are we really doing?

I realized my focus on productivity had blinded me to what truly mattered. I had a team, but felt no real connection. I had results, but no fulfillment. I had control, but no lasting impact.

And what hurt even more: my team members felt it too. They delivered work, but no passion. They followed instructions, but no inspiration.

Why managers lose connection

I recognize this pattern in many leaders who come to me for leadership coaching. They started with good intentions, but somewhere along the way, work became a mechanical process.

The cause often lies in how we learn leadership. We’re trained on KPIs, schedules, project management. Nobody teaches you how to have a real conversation with someone who’s stuck. Nobody says: “Stop with that deadline for a moment and listen to what your team member is actually saying.”

The pressure to perform makes us retreat into what we can measure. But you don’t measure connection in spreadsheets.

What happens then? Your team becomes a collection of functionaries. You become the boss they try to avoid. Meetings feel transactional. And those moments why you wanted to become a leader in the first place—that impact, that growth, that building together—they quietly disappear.

The turning point: from control to connection

My turning point came when I realized leadership isn’t about squeezing every drop of output from your day. It’s about something more fundamental: giving meaning to the time we spend together.

This meant I had to stop always looking for the fastest route to the end result. It meant I had to make space for conversations that “produced nothing” except that someone felt heard.

It also meant I had to accept that I didn’t need to control everything. That giving trust to your team isn’t weakness, but strength.

In the management training I deliver, I often see this as the hardest part. Not the theory, not the tools, but letting go of familiar patterns. Actually daring to be open.

Concrete steps toward more connection

What have I learned about how to feel more connected to your team as a manager?

1. Start by asking real questions. Not: “Is the project on schedule?” But: “How are you doing?” And then actually listen to the answer. Don’t multitask, don’t formulate your next question. Just listen.

2. Share your own doubts. Leadership isn’t a play where you’re the hero. It’s a real conversation between people. When I started admitting I didn’t know things, or that I got stuck too, my team felt safer doing the same.

3. Make space for unproductive moments. Yes, literally. A cup of coffee without an agenda. A brief conversation about something unrelated to work. These moments seem inefficient, but they build something that surpasses all efficiency: trust.

4. Ask what someone needs, not what you think they should do. This difference is subtle but powerful. One is control, the other is support.

5. Celebrate small things. Not just the big projects. A good solution to a small problem. A difficult conversation that went well. Someone who dared to try something new. This attention shows what you value.

What you get back

Is this easy? No. Does it take time? Yes. But what you get back is many times more valuable than an efficiently completed task list.

You get a team that takes initiative because they know you trust them. You get people who come to you with problems before they escalate, because they know you don’t just look at results. You get loyalty that doesn’t depend on salary or job title.

And for yourself? You get work that has meaning. You get relationships that last, even after projects end. You get the feeling you’re building something bigger than a quarterly number.

The question that remains

If you’re stuck in that “just get it done” mode right now, take a breath.

Then ask yourself: what actually matters?

Because no one follows a checklist. They follow someone they believe in. Someone who’s honest. Someone who’s kind. Someone who does work that matters.

And that starts with the willingness to be more than a manager who delegates tasks. It starts with daring to feel real connection with the people you lead.

Interested or curious? Let’s chat! Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.