How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People

David Buirs | Leadership Expert

Person A: “I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person B: “Fascinating! Because I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person A: “That’s so true, reminds me of… I, I, I, me, me, me.”

This is how most ‘conversations’ go: two people taking turns talking about themselves.

It’s not surprising. We’re wired to think about ourselves most of the time.

But when all we do is talk about ourselves, we miss out on something important.

We don’t learn anything new.
We don’t grow.
We don’t build real connections.

💡 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗔 𝗼𝗿 𝗕. 𝗕𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗖.

Person C makes conversations meaningful.

If someone brings up a topic, they ask questions like:

“What does that mean to you?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What do you like most about it?”

Person C doesn’t just talk—they listen and learn.

This doesn’t mean you should never talk about yourself. Conversations are a two-way street. But when you go into a conversation with curiosity and a desire to learn, amazing things happen:

🌟 You learn new things.
👀 You see the world in new ways.
❤️ You build stronger relationships.
🤝 People feel heard and valued.

Next time you’re in a conversation, pause and ask yourself:

𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆, 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱?

This small change can make a big difference.

More Digital Connection, Less Human Connection.

Have you also noticed that we’re constantly connected through social media, but still many people feel more disconnected than ever?  

Next week, the 𝘞𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 kicks off in the Netherlands, and it’s got me thinking about how many people, even in a bustling city like Amsterdam, feel disconnected. Did you know that 4 out of 10 adults in Amsterdam regularly experience loneliness? It’s a huge number, and yet it’s something many of us don’t talk about enough.

I’ve been lucky enough to be involved with two organizations that are trying to make a difference in their own ways—Humanitas and JCI.

Humanitas, a national nonprofit, is focused on supporting people through community service, and one of their main pillars is addressing loneliness. Their Van Mij Naar Wij (From Me, To We) project pairs volunteers with individuals seeking more connection, offering them much-needed companionship and support.

On the other hand, JCI (Junior Chamber International) is a global network of young professionals, with a broader mission to contribute to society through leadership and social impact. While loneliness isn’t a specific theme for JCI, it’s a space where members can create projects that help their communities.

Humanitas recently launched a new campaign to shine a light on loneliness and the impact of Van Mij Naar Wij. Part of the campaign is to record personal and heartwarming stories around the theme of human connection.

I had the opportunity to join forces with an amazing person equally committed to raising awareness for this cause and project. Together, we filmed a story that reflects the power and importance of connection, which I’m happy to share below (in Dutch).

To build on this, a group of us from both Humanitas and our local JCI chamber, Amsterdam Zuid, collaborated to create something special: an art exhibition focused on connection. We’re opening the exhibition next Thursday in De Hoftuin, right at the start of the Week Against Loneliness, and it will run for a week.

We’re showing artwork that participants and volunteers of the project made, around the theme of ‘connection’. The goal is to spark more conversations about loneliness and how we can all do our part to combat it.

Raising awareness is key. Loneliness is something many people struggle with, but it’s also something we can all help address, even in small ways. Whether that’s through volunteering, checking in on someone, or just being a little more mindful of those around us, we can all make a difference.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗺, 𝘄𝗲’𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 26𝘁𝗵, 2024 𝗮𝘁 𝟭𝟳:𝟬𝟬 𝗶𝗻 𝗗𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝗳𝘁𝘂𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗺, 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸.