Tag: anxiety

How to Handle Criticism at Work

How to handle criticism at work… It’s a question I often get. My reply: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹 𝗶𝘁?

Two people hear the same sentence from their boss. One feels judged. The other feels motivated. The words are identical. The reaction isn’t. Why?

Because the label, criticism or feedback, can’t be found in the words. It’s created in the mind of the receiver.

This is where the real power lies. You decide how much weight to give feedback. Some of it will be clumsy. Some will be unfair. Some will be pure gold. If you can sort, not absorb everything, you win. To take what serves you, and let the rest pass.

We often forget no one is perfect. Not you, not me, not the person giving feedback. We’re all trying our best, often imperfectly. Holding onto the illusion that you should look flawless makes feedback feel like a personal attack. Drop the illusion, and feedback becomes easier to hear.

Because in the end, the leaders who grow are not the ones who protect their image. They’re the ones who keep asking, “What can I learn here?” Over time, that choice changes everything.

Of course, this change doesn’t happen overnight. Curiosity is a muscle, and muscles strengthen slowly. So here’s an invitation: over the next five months, practice trading a little defensiveness for a little more curiosity each time feedback comes your way.

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟬 – 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲: “I don’t think that’s accurate.”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟭 – 𝟴𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟮𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I don’t really agree with that… but can you give me an example?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟮 – 𝟲𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟰𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That feels off to me. What do you see that makes you say it?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟯 – 𝟰𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟲𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “It’s hard to hear, though I think there may be truth in it. Can you tell me more?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟰 – 𝟮𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟴𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I hadn’t thought of it that way. What else are you noticing?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟱 – 𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That’s helpful. What’s one thing I could do differently next time?”

So…how to handle criticism at work? With curiosity.

Five months of practice might feel small now, but in five years, it could be the reason your career looks entirely different.

Managing people you don’t like

David Buirs Management Trainer

conflict at work connection Management management tips

When Do You Become Too Self-critical?

“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?

There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:

Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.

We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”

But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.

🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.

It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.

Here’s what helps me reframe:

“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”

That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.

Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.

Leadership Leadership Leadership Management

How to Deal With Fear

Why Does “The Cave You Fear Hold the Treasure You Seek”?

I recently discovered this quote by Joseph Campbell in one of Brené Brown’s inspiring books: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.“

While reading it, I felt a strong ‘YES’! Because it captures how I’ve been trying to live the past few years.

For much of my life, I was quite shy, insecure, introverted. I felt trapped in an invisible cage of my own making. My dark cave contained many things—speaking up in groups, starting conversations with strangers, facing rejection, saying no to social invitations, or choosing work that aligned with my dreams, to name a few. Actually, mine was more of a giant storage hall than a cave.

Then, one day, after a profound personal experience, I began to see fear for what it is—just a feeling, like any other. Nothing more.

Fear has its place; without it, we wouldn’t survive. But there’s a difference between fear that signals real danger and self-limiting fear that holds us back.

So, I decided to do something uncomfortable every day. And slowly, my comfort zone has been expanding.

The treasure I found? Freedom and connection.

I left the safety of my previous career to now spending my days doing what I love. I’ve connected with so many interesting people by initiating a conversation. I no longer feel bad about expressing my opinions, expressing my needs, or saying no to things that don’t serve me.

Sure, there are still things that make me uncomfortable. But I choose to face them, and it gets easier every time.

Here are the steps I took, which you can do:

Identify Your Cave: List the things that scare you, but aren’t dangerous. These are your self-limiting fears.
Take Small Steps: Start small. Say hello to someone new. Share an idea in a meeting.
Embrace Discomfort: Discomfort is temporary and a sign of growth.
Reflect on Progress: Keep track of your experiences, and see your comfort zone expand.

Now, reading my progress log makes me smile. Some years years ago, saying, “Siri, play next song,” in a public place was something I struggled with.

This week, I’ll be speaking about leadership at public event.

Fear is still there—but it’s no longer in charge.

coaching Leadership

Difficult Conversations – Transforming Stress Into Connection

You’re about to walk into a performance review with a team member, knowing you have to deliver some tough feedback.

Your chest tightens, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind races with worst-case scenarios.

Sound familiar?

This kind of physical reaction is a natural response to stress, but it can also be a sign of a deeper issue: closing your heart to protect yourself.

We’ve all been hurt or disappointed in life, which may cause our hearts to close. When we close our hearts, we not only shut out pain but also joy, love, and connection.

This automatic defense mechanism, designed to protect us from physical threats, often leaves us feeling isolated and disconnected at work.

Living with an open heart, no matter what life throws at us, is challenging but highly rewarding. I know it sounds like a motivational poster, but let’s get practical.

Consider those moments right before difficult conversations or when receiving unexpected critical feedback.

The instinct to protect yourself causes physical constriction, especially around your chest.

You tense up, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind starts to close off, too.

Your mind and body are interconnected: the more you tense up, the more your mind focuses on perceived threats, the less connection you feel to others, the more your chest feels constricted.

Try this: each time you feel your chest tighten, consciously relax it.

Notice how often this happens throughout your day.

Slow your breathing and relax your entire body. This helps you stay calm and keeps your mind open.

When you’re open, you can connect more deeply with others. People will notice your openness and respond in kind, creating a ripple effect.

Take a deep breath, relax your chest, and embrace the day with an open heart. The rewards are immense.

The more you open up, the more the world opens up to you.

❤️

anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety connection difficultconversations

Tag: anxiety

How to Handle Criticism at Work

Managing people you don’t like

When Do You Become Too Self-critical?

How to Deal With Fear

Difficult Conversations – Transforming Stress Into Connection

info@davidbuirs.com

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