How to Deal With Fear

Why Does “The Cave You Fear Hold the Treasure You Seek”?

I recently discovered this quote by Joseph Campbell in one of Brené Brown’s inspiring books: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.“

While reading it, I felt a strong ‘YES’! Because it captures how I’ve been trying to live the past few years.

For much of my life, I was quite shy, insecure, introverted. I felt trapped in an invisible cage of my own making. My dark cave contained many things—speaking up in groups, starting conversations with strangers, facing rejection, saying no to social invitations, or choosing work that aligned with my dreams, to name a few. Actually, mine was more of a giant storage hall than a cave.

Then, one day, after a profound personal experience, I began to see fear for what it is—just a feeling, like any other. Nothing more.

Fear has its place; without it, we wouldn’t survive. But there’s a difference between fear that signals real danger and self-limiting fear that holds us back.

So, I decided to do something uncomfortable every day. And slowly, my comfort zone has been expanding.

The treasure I found? Freedom and connection.

I left the safety of my previous career to now spending my days doing what I love. I’ve connected with so many interesting people by initiating a conversation. I no longer feel bad about expressing my opinions, expressing my needs, or saying no to things that don’t serve me.

Sure, there are still things that make me uncomfortable. But I choose to face them, and it gets easier every time.

Here are the steps I took, which you can do:

  1. Identify Your Cave: List the things that scare you, but aren’t dangerous. These are your self-limiting fears.
  2. Take Small Steps: Start small. Say hello to someone new. Share an idea in a meeting.
  3. Embrace Discomfort: Discomfort is temporary and a sign of growth.
  4. Reflect on Progress: Keep track of your experiences, and see your comfort zone expand.

Now, reading my progress log makes me smile. Some years years ago, saying, “Siri, play next song,” in a public place was something I struggled with.

This week, I’ll be speaking about leadership at public event.

Fear is still there—but it’s no longer in charge.

The Most Important Realization In Your Life

Is there life before death?

Wow, easy there, buddy. What a morbid question!

For many of us in the West, contemplating death is taboo. We avoid it at all costs.

While in many philosophies and cultures, from the Stoics to current day Tibet, contemplating our mortality is seen as an essential part of life.

In the West, we often overvalue “time = money”, and believe we are here on Earth only to be productive.

We can get too focused on promotions, raises or material success, forgetting that those things in itself do not lead to happiness.

We act like we only live to work.

But is that true?

Let’s do a thought experiment..

What if you knew you only have 1 more month to live?

Would you then lay awake at night, thinking about what your manager said to you? Or about that presentation that didn’t go as planned?

Would you add that extra project to your already full schedule, or would you choose to spend more time with friends or family?

Would you spend your commute mindlessly scrolling the news, or would you enjoy the colours in the sky?

If you would do things differently after hearing that news – why not do it now?

Work is an essential part of our life. But it’s not the reason why we’re here.

Reflect on what it means to you to live a full and happy life.

You don’t even have to switch jobs, as there are many ways to make your current job more enjoyable and meaningful.

In the evening, spend five minutes reflecting on your day. Write about moments or people that made you feel alive, connected, or genuinely happy.

This helps in recognizing the value of your daily experiences beyond work achievements and material success.

Burning yourself out chasing after more senior titles or money will not get you what you hope for. It never does in the end.

Instead, work to make a positive impact – on your team, your company and for your clients.

Work to grow, learn, and have fun.

Work to connect with people.

Work to support your life outside of work.

You only have one life.

Make the most out of it.

Outsmarting AI – Why Human Skills Are Your Super Power In 2024

With AI increasingly handling technical tasks, the spotlight is on human skills – those essential, automation-resistant qualities that enrich our work interactions.

Think empathy, compassion, intuition, and leadership; they’re not just nice to have, they’re crucial for your career success.

Recent insights from 650 L&D and HR leaders confirm this trend, placing human skills on the second highest priority on the L&D agenda, just after business skills. As AI transforms technical work, the human touch grows in importance.

Particularly for leaders, strong human skills are becoming indispensable. (‘𝘚𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴’? – 2023 called, they want you back).

Case in point: “Manager effectiveness”, which is includes human skills like leadership and adaptability, is now the #1 concern for HR leaders worldwide (𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘦: 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘑𝘰𝘣 𝘚𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘙𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 2024). This indicates a growing emphasis on these competencies in modern management.

If you’re ready to develop these skills but unsure where to start, consider Active Listening, a foundational element of true connection and communication.

Transitioning from listening to analyze to listening to understand was a personal gamechanger for me. 💡

This key skill strongly supports workplace communication and relationships. There are plenty of resources, including many free YouTube videos, to help you get started.

Enhancing these human skills in 2024 and beyond will not only keep us relevant, but also amplify our impact in an AI-driven professional world.

At the beginning of this new year, take a moment to consider: which human skill do you want to strengthen in 2024? Your choice could significantly shape your professional path.

Why Is Psychological Safety A Game-Changer At Work?

What sets high-performing teams apart?

It’s not just skills or hard work—it’s the climate of trust they operate in, where making mistakes is not a fireable offense but a growth opportunity.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending an eye-opening workshop by Gabriele Galassi, organized by the inspiring the D2 collective.

The topic: psychological safety at work.

A standout insight?

Google’s research shows that top teams succeed not because they are smarter, but because there is more psychological safety.

Psychological safety is 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘬-𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Safer to speak up, challenge norms, make mistakes, report errors and give each other tough feedback.

A few more learnings from yesterday I want to share with you:

📌 Having a great variation of nationalities on a team promotes psychological safety.

📌 Team cohesion is another strong predictor of performance. Teams where members are willing and able to establish strong relationships, to listen and feel empathy for each other and to give and take feedback, perform better than regular teams.

📌 In the workplace, we start overvaluing tasks over relationships. Starting the day with a relationship-building exercise over a task-oriented meeting, can have surprisingly beneficial results.

📌 A characteristic of high-performing teams is that members speak roughly in equal measure, keeping contributions short and sweet.

Improving psychological safety and team cohesion is one of the topics I work on with my ambitious leadership development clients.

Do you want to boost your team’s performance too?

Let’s connect!

Creating Long-Term Behavioral Change – What’s The Secret?

Remember your New Year’s resolutions? How’s that going?

If yours are barely hanging on, you’re not alone — less than 10% of us keep them alive.

Harvard’s Kegan and Lahey’s groundbreaking book “Immunity to Change”, shows us why.

In a nutshell – we have ‘hidden commitments’ (subconscious promises) to ourselves, that conflict with our best intentions to change.

These deeply influence our actions.

Kegan and Lahey’s work shows how we unknowingly shield ourselves from change with our hidden commitments and fears, despite our efforts to evolve.

Without realizing this, long lasting change is almost impossible.

Take delegation, for example.

On the surface, it seems straightforward: you’re swamped with work and need to offload some tasks to your team.

However, despite your best intentions, you find yourself hesitating to delegate.

The Immunity to Change framework might reveal a hidden commitment to always being the one who solves problems.

Perhaps it’s driven by an underlying assumption that if you’re not the one fixing things, your value as a leader diminishes.

Another common workplace scenario is receiving feedback.

You know it’s essential for growth, yet each time feedback is offered, you defensively justify your actions or dismiss the suggestions.

This resistance could come from a conflicting hidden commitment to maintaining your self-image as competent and perfect.

Strengthened by the assumption that any criticism is a threat to your identity.

How to solve this? Visualize these internal dynamics, with an Immunity to Change-map.

It always consists of the same 4 columns:

1. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 (e.g., be a better listener),
2. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱 (dismiss differing opinions),
3. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (only valuing aligned views),
4. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (believing I’m always right).

Our visible commitments (what we aim to do) and our hidden commitments conflict with each other.

By mapping this out, we can actually see why we are sabotaging our intentions to change.

Acknowledging these hidden commitments and the assumptions fueling them is the first step.

Next, challenge these beliefs. Do they really serve you? Or do you merely serve them?

Personally, I tried to become a better listener (1).

And at the same time, when listening I focused mostly on verifying if their story matched my beliefs (2), which blocks actual listening.

My hidden, subconscious, commitment to myself, was to only listen to opinions I agree with (3).

The hidden (and 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘦𝘥) assumption: I know what’s right (4).

Mapping out your Immunity-to-Change map can lead to breakthroughs and transformational growth.

It works both for individuals, teams and organisations.

Ready to see what’s really holding you back? Message me to start mapping your route to real change.

Completing My 5-Month Coaching Training

Using the words “𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦” in 2024 feels a bit like using a fax machine, but it’s how I feel right now.

Five months after starting, I completed the Co-Active Intermediate coaching training last weekend.

I’m now trained in Co-Active Training Institute‘s effective and transformative Co-Active coaching model and ready to start coaching professionally!

A quote I heard during that weekend stayed with me:

“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦.”

Five months ago, I left a decade-long career and the safety that comes with it, to start this adventure.

Looking back, this marked the beginning of my ‘second life’ – committed to helping others live happier and more fulfilling lives. And so far, I have loved every step of it.

I rediscovered my creativity, intuition, and sense of purpose. And learned that fear is just a feeling! Doing something scary for me feels liberating.

The phrase ‘making the most out of life’ always seemed cliché, until I realized it’s extremely valuable advice. And one of the things coaches help with.

A big thank-you to everyone who supported me the last 5 months, to my fellow coaches for sharing your experiences, to my Co-Active peers for your inspiration, and particularly to those I’ve coached for your openness and trust.

Interested in more happiness, balance, growth and fulfillment in life? Feel free to reach out; I’d love to discuss this further.

What’s next? I’m trained, energized, and ready to begin. Stay tuned for next week’s update on how I plan to transform clichés into realities, one coaching session at a time.

Living Longer, Healthier, Happier and More Successful Through Finding Your Purpose – What Does The Research Say?

“A study found a 15% (!) drop in the risk of dying over the next decade for people finding their purpose, regardless of age.”

What?!

Raise your hand if you ever subtly rolled your eyes at the mentioning of “finding your purpose 💫”? I get it – it can sound like part of a motivational YouTube video.

If you’re like me, you’d rather trust data and research than grandiose terms. No crystal-balls magic, just empirically proven benefits. 💼

Well, the research paints a compelling picture: knowing and living your life purpose isn’t just warm and fuzzy; it’s the secret sauce for success.

Here are some of the amazing benefits (sources provided below), accessible for everyone:

💪 A long-term study found that making a significant step towards finding your purpose caused a 15% drop in the risk of dying over the next decade.

🌈 More happiness, stronger relationships, better sleep, and mental health.

💰 Having a sense of purpose predicts greater income and net worth.

🚀 And it’s not just personal – purpose is a key ingredient to exceptional leadership.

⬆ For companies, aligning individual and organizational purpose brings a ton of benefits, from a fourfold boost in engagement to a twofold increase in employee retention.

So many advantages, what’s the catch? Do you need to save the whales to reap the benefits? Win a Nobel Prize? No, not at all.

(Don’t let me stop you though. 🐋)

Also, it’s personal – you don’t have to share it with anyone. 🤫

And here’s the kicker: purpose works regardless of your worldview, religion, or lack thereof. It’s about the impact you want to make – for yourself and others.

In coaching, we’ve got proven processes to help you discover your purpose. DM me if you’re ready to dive in. 🌟

Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/202108/10-powerful-benefits-of-living-with-purpose
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656616300836
https://hbr.org/2014/05/from-purpose-to-impact
https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/purpose-not-platitudes-a-personal-challenge-for-top-executives
https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/igniting-individual-purpose-in-times-of-crisis

How I Connected To And Enhanced My Intuition

[Right hand] Hi David – how are you feeling today?
[Left hand] Pretty good, thanks.
[Right hand] Can you be a bit more specific?
[Left hand] I can. I feel…

This has been my morning ritual for the last few weeks—a dialogue with myself that opens a doorway to understanding better what I am feeling in any particular moment. Now, before you start thinking I’ve gone a bit bonkers, let me share why I’ve embraced this new habit.

For much of my life, I relied heavily on logic and reasoning to make sense of the world, absorbing knowledge and analyzing everything. While certainly having it’s merits, it did not significantly enhancing the quality of my life.

In recent years, I consciously shifted focus to the realm of feelings, aiming to elevate my emotional intelligence. This journey has been enriching, enabling me to cultivate more empathy, forge deeper connections, understand myself and others better, find more meaning and sharpen my intuition.

An essential tool to increasing emotional intelligence is to regularly check in with yourself to see what emotions are present in you in that moment.

Interested? You can find many easy-to-use apps out there to support you, like Mood Meter or Feeling Wheel.

Tomorrow kicks off the fourth chapter of my Co-Active Coaching Training, called Process, where intuition plays an important role. And as connecting more to your emotions improves intuition, I’ve created this new habit a few weeks ago. Every morning I set my alarm clock to engage in some self-dialogue.

These seemingly small steps into enhancing emotional intelligence can be investments with lifelong returns, in any field, whether it’s relationships, management or business.

Anticipating the next three days with an amazing group of people, I am committed to bringing not only myself but also a touch more intuition to the table.

My Journey To Become A Coach

Ever caught yourself thinking, ‘I know what’s right for you!’ 🤓 when someone shares a challenge or problem? Guilty as charged! My inner advice-giver used to kick into warp drive. 🚀

Over the past few weeks, I embarked on an exciting journey, completing both the Co-Active Training Institute Fundamentals course and the first leg of the Co-Active Intermediate training. What a month! I’ve connected with amazing people and soaked up invaluable knowledge.

My biggest revelation? Surprisingly (😉), I’m not here to serve as a walking encyclopedia of solutions. Each person is the expert of their own life, and the coach’s role isn’t to play the hero, but to empower and guide our clients.

So, how can a coach make a difference? In countless ways! From boosting self-awareness to unlocking hidden strengths, demolishing self-limiting beliefs, sculpting a personal or professional mission, and uncovering core values, to name a few.

You might wonder, ‘Aren’t core values and purpose just for businesses?’. The truth is, it’s for everyone! They grant you a powerful personal choice. To redesign all aspects of your life according to what truly matters to you, instead of being tossed around by life’s circumstances. 🌪

The Co-Active coaching model adds a dash of magic to these processes. Described as the ‘gold standard’ in coaching, this scientifically backed model creates a powerful connection between coach and client, which can lead to transformational change. In a short time, I’ve witnessed many times how effective this synergy is in helping clients achieve their goals. 💎

As my journey unfolds on LinkedIn, I warmly invite you to hop aboard. If you’re even a bit curious about coaching, send me a message. I would be thrilled to offer you a taste of coaching with a complimentary sample session.

I’d love to hear from you!