How To Deal With Anger At Work

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳?

When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.

Today, I practice a different response: 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆.

Anger can feel like an attack, but it’s rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purpose—conscious or not.

People get angry because they’re trying to achieve something.

• Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
• Maybe they’re trying to control the situation.
• Maybe they’re protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.

Here’s the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:

▪️ 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀-𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵.
Does the person yell at them? No—because their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.

▪️ 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸.
Do most people explode with anger? No—because their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.

If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they don’t.
𝗔𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹.

The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.

Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿?

Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?

This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.

𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. It’s also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.

This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior—boundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.

So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹?

You’ll be surprised how much clarity—and calm—you gain.