This article addresses the overwhelming pressure of dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager. It helps new leaders distinguish between unfair demands and their own learning curves. Practical scripts for managing up and negotiating priorities are provided.
Three months into your first management role, you are drowning.
Your boss wants results yesterday. Your team needs help. You are still figuring out what good management even looks like. And somewhere in there, you are supposed to be doing your actual job too.
Nobody told you it would feel like learning to swim while someone is yelling at you to win the race. Dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager is often the first real crisis you face.
You’re Not Behind, You’re Just New
Here is what most starting leaders don’t hear enough: this feeling is normal.
You got promoted because you were good at your old job. Now you have a completely different job. Where being helpful doesn’t mean doing the work yourself. Where your success depends on other people’s performance.
And while you are still figuring out this new role, your boss is expecting you to deliver like you have been doing this for years.
The Impossible Position
Early-career managers get squeezed from both sides.
Your team needs you present and helpful. They have questions. They need decisions. They are watching to see if you are actually going to be a good manager.
Your boss needs results. They want progress, good news, proof that promoting you was the right call. Often, companies skip essential in-company management training, assuming you will just “figure it out.”
And you? You are just trying to figure out what a one-on-one should look like. How to give feedback. Whether you should be in all these meetings. Nobody is giving you space to learn. Everyone assumes you already know.
Is It Unrealistic or Are You Learning?
Sometimes you can’t tell if the expectations are actually unrealistic or if you are just overwhelmed because everything is new.
It might be unrealistic if:
- You don’t have the resources other teams get.
- The timeline doesn’t account for dependencies outside your control.
- Your team is understaffed or missing key skills.
- You are being asked to fix problems that existed before you got here.
It might be a learning curve if:
- Other managers at your level are hitting similar targets.
- You are spending a lot of time on things that don’t move the needle.
- You haven’t asked for help or clarification on priorities.
- You are trying to do everything yourself instead of delegating.
Both can be true at the same time. The expectations can be aggressive AND you can still be learning.
How to Talk to Your Boss
This is the conversation new managers avoid. You don’t want to admit you are struggling. You don’t want to look like you are making excuses.
But staying silent doesn’t help either. Start with what you are learning, not what you are failing at.
The Script: “I want to talk about priorities. I’m three months in and learning a ton about what it takes to manage well. I also want to make sure I’m focused on what matters most to you. Can we talk about what success looks like for me this quarter?”
You are not saying “this is too hard.” You are saying “I want to do this well, help me understand what that means.”
Then get specific about constraints: “Right now I’m juggling [list 3-4 big things]. If the priority is X, I want to make sure I have what I need to deliver. That might mean pushing Y back or getting support on Z. What makes sense?”
You are showing you understand tradeoffs. You are managing up, not complaining.
What to Negotiate (And What to Just Do)
Pick your battles when dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager.
Don’t negotiate on:
- Learning the basics of your job.
- Being present for your team.
- Delivering on commitments you have made.
- Working hard.
Do negotiate on:
- Timelines that don’t account for reality.
- Taking on new projects when you are already stretched.
- Doing work that should be delegated.
- Meetings that don’t need you.
When the Problem Is Actually You
Sometimes the expectations aren’t unrealistic. You are just not managing well yet.
Signs this might be the case:
- You are constantly busy but nothing important is getting done.
- You are doing work your team should be doing.
- You haven’t delegated anything significant.
- You are avoiding hard conversations.
If this sounds familiar, the answer isn’t to push back on expectations. Get better at managing. This is where leadership coaching becomes essential. You need to learn to delegate and have those uncomfortable conversations.
This is hard to admit. But it is fixable.
You’re Learning a New Job
You are not doing your old job poorly. You are learning a completely new one.
That takes time. It takes mistakes. It takes asking for help even when it feels uncomfortable.
The managers who make it through this phase aren’t the ones who never struggled. They are the ones who figured out how to ask for what they needed and keep learning even when it was hard.
Start Here
This week:
- Write down what you think your boss expects from you.
- Schedule a conversation to confirm you are right.
- Identify one thing you need (clarity, resources, time) and ask for it.
You aren’t supposed to have it all figured out yet. You are supposed to be figuring it out.
Schedule a free introduction call. Just to see if there’s a click and where you might need help.
