The Mindset Shift That Transforms Leadership: Moving Beyond Criticism

“That’s not gonna work, because…”

I used to say that often. Made me feel good. Like I was the one who caught what others didn’t.

I did it even with the teams I was leading.

Lots of self-reflection and feedback later, I saw what I was actually doing: trying to sound smart. Point out the flaw, drop criticism, walk away. No real contribution. It led me to a leadership mindset shift.

Spotting risks is still important. Some people lean too optimistic, and having someone who notices the weak spots keeps things balanced. But without ideas for what will work, you’re not helping anyone move forward. Guiltyyyyy.

Now I try to pause and ask myself:
“What part of this could actually work?”
“How can we tweak the part that doesn’t work, so that it does?”

It shifts the whole dynamic of the conversation. More challenging, but also much more rewarding. Moves problems forward, builds more ownership within the teams you lead.

Less I, more We.

Ready for your leadership mindset shift? Schedule a free introduction call here: https://davidbuirs.com/contact/ and let’s chat.

The Leadership Paradox: Why Bad Managers Don’t See Themselves That Way

If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.” The likely difference? Selfawareness for those managers.

The difference in impact between the two is huge.

What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?

Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.

If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.

Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.

So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.

Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”

Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.

I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.

With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.

→ What feedback during your time as manager has shaped your leadership the most?

Want to become better at leadership? Selfawareness for managers is the key. And it can be improved. Interested? Plan a free intake at www.davidbuirs.com/contact.

How Important is Productivity in Leadership?

I had a coaching session recently that brought back something personal.
I used to lead with one priority: get things done. Task-first. No small talk. Just results.

“Blue/Red” on DISC, if you know it.
Back then, I saw work as a series of checklists. What mattered was getting through them as efficiently as possible.
But that mindset, left unchecked, costs more than it gives.

Because one day, I asked myself:
If I do this for 40 years—just execute, just produce—what’s left at the end?
A clean inbox?
We spend most of our waking life at work. If we don’t build relationships there—if we don’t create meaning—what are we really doing?

I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about squeezing every drop of output from your day.
It’s about being kind. Honest. Doing work that matters.

No one follows a checklist. They follow someone they believe in.
If you’re stuck in a perpetual “just get it done” mode, take a breath.
Then ask: what actually matters?

Kindness or Pleasing?

You helped, smiled, nodded… and walked away annoyed.
We’ve all done it.

When we please, we’re often hoping for something in return. Approval, respect, appreciation.
But when that return doesn’t come, we’re left feeling used, bitter, or just plain tired.

That’s because pleasing isn’t kindness.
It’s a quiet transaction, disguised as niceness.
And when it fails, the emotional cost is yours alone.

Kindness, by contrast, is clean. It gives without expectation, and feels lighter, not heavier.

In leadership, the difference isn’t academic.
One builds trust. The other erodes it silently.

Have you caught yourself doing the second, when you meant the first?

What if your biggest sign of worth isn’t your car, title, or the number on your pay check?

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

What if it’s your personality?

What if we worried more about living a life always trying to fit in, instead of worrying about person X’s opinion on our slide deck?
What if we lay awake at night because we failed to make everyone in our team feel heard, not because we missed our (still important) quarterly objectives?
What if we feared going through life always wearing a mask, instead of being judged by people who don’t know us well?

What if we swapped some Instagram scrolling for a few pages of a thought-provoking book?
What if some of the time we spend in the gym, at the hairdresser, or shopping for clothes went into strengthening our character?

This idea runs through Nietzsche’s work (minus Instagram, the gym, and the hairdresser 😉):
Creating the self—your character—as a work of art.
Not to gain acceptance or respect from others.
Not modelled on how you think others want to see you.
But in the way you want to. Your unique personal style.

Not style as in how you dress, but the deepest expression of your values, commitments, and way of being.

This process takes reflection, courage, and the willingness to face challenges.
Less worrying about people’s opinions. More following your passions and self-expression.
Less uniformity and mediocrity. More uniqueness and creativity.
More life-affirmation, humour, and courage. Less playing safe.

But what about my numbers and KPIs?
I believe this path often turns you into someone others want to follow.
And then your KPIs tend to follow too.

How To Deal With Anger At Work

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳?

When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.

Today, I practice a different response: 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆.

Anger can feel like an attack, but it’s rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purpose—conscious or not.

People get angry because they’re trying to achieve something.

• Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
• Maybe they’re trying to control the situation.
• Maybe they’re protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.

Here’s the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:

▪️ 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀-𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵.
Does the person yell at them? No—because their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.

▪️ 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸.
Do most people explode with anger? No—because their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.

If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they don’t.
𝗔𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹.

The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.

Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿?

Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?

This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.

𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. It’s also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.

This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior—boundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.

So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹?

You’ll be surprised how much clarity—and calm—you gain.

Other People’s Opinion of You… Theirs or Yours?

You know that team member that thinks you lack the experience?

Or the colleague that thinks your meeting contributions don’t add value?

It stings, doesn’t it?

Now, consider this..

Deep down, there’s a good chance you believe these things about yourself              .

We often project our own hidden insecurities onto others.
We assume they see the worst in us because we do.
And when someone’s behavior even faintly matches our fear, it feels like confirmation.

For example:
Imagine someone who secretly believes they’re unworthy of love.
They might think others dislike them, avoid them, or find them boring.
To compensate, they become people pleasers—saying yes to everything, constantly seeking approval.

And when someone cancels plans or rejects their offer to help?
It cuts deep.
Not because of the action itself, but because it echoes that hidden belief:
I’m not worthy.

Now, think about this:
If someone insulted your blue hair but you didn’t have blue hair, you couldn’t care less.
It wouldn’t resonate.
But when a comment mirrors your own fears? It hurts.

So, how can we break this cycle?

The next time you think, “They must believe this about me,” pause.
Ask yourself: Could this be something I believe about myself?

Instead of being upset with them, turn inward.

Reflect:

  • Do I truly believe this about myself?
  • Can I be absolutely sure it’s true?
  • If not -is this belief helping me?

If it isn’t, start building a new belief—one rooted in kindness and compassion towards yourself.

This shift won’t happen overnight.
But with patience, you can rewrite the narrative.

And the world will start reflecting the version of you that you choose to believe in.

❤️

𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 > 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 – a Formula For Success

Learning > Change

This is a formula for success.

Your 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, the rate at which you adopt and expand your skills as leader, needs to exceed the rate at which your environment 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴.

If not, you’ll fall behind and others will pass you by.

Has your learning kept up? Are you consistently making time for personal and professional development?

Prioritizing your full inbox, however inevitable and important it might feel, is short-term thinking. And it will never get empty.

As leaders, we face bigger expectations, more complex challenges, and higher stakes.

So how do you ensure your growth stays ahead of the curve? Here are three steps:

1️⃣ Reflect Regularly
Block out time each week to review what’s working, what’s not, and what you can learn from it all.

2️⃣ Seek Feedback
Blind spots grow in the dark. Ask for candid input often—don’t wait for formal reviews.
𝘈 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘏𝘉𝘙 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴: 95% 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 10-15% 𝘢𝘳𝘦.

3️⃣ Invest in Yourself
Read, take courses, or get help. Your development isn’t a “nice-to-have” but a “must-have.”

Change is inevitable. Falling behind doesn’t have to be.

How has your learning kept pace with your changing role over the past year?