Many leaders believe empathy is a soft skill that gets in the way of results. In reality, empathy in leadership is a strategic tool for high performance. It is the ability to understand your team’s perspective so you can lead them more effectively.
When you make the transition from expert to leader, you often trade empathy for authority. You focus on the tasks and forget the people. This shift leads to the Power Paradox. As you gain power, your natural ability to connect with others starts to fade.
How Power Rewires the Brain
Research by psychologist Dacher Keltner shows that power affects the brain in a specific way. Gaining authority triggers a dopamine high. While this feels like confidence, it has a dark side. It blunts your social awareness. You start focusing inward, making self-serving decisions feel right while your ability to read the room fades.
The Trap of the Expert Mask
Many new managers fall into this paradox because they struggle to shed their identity as the super-expert. They feel they must have all the answers to maintain respect. This fix-it reflex prevents them from asking the open questions necessary for real empathy. By prioritizing the what over the who, they lose the trust of their team.
How to Build Empathy Guardrails
If you want to lead with impact and stay grounded, you need to build intentional guardrails:
- Ask, Do Not Assume: Stop assuming you know why a project is lagging. Ask what the biggest roadblock is for your team right now.
- Seek Honest Feedback: Power makes people reluctant to be honest with you. Explicitly reward feedback that contradicts your own opinion to stay grounded.
- The Five Second Pause: Power drives impulsivity. Before making a decision or sending a sharp email, take five seconds. Ask who this action actually serves.
- Practice Perspective Taking: Before delivering a difficult message, imagine you are the one receiving it. How would you want to be told?
From Reactive to Confident
Leading with empathy does not mean you lose control. It means you gain trust. When your team feels understood, they show more ownership and resilience. You move from a reactive manager who puts out fires to a confident leader who builds a foundation of trust.
Do you struggle to balance empathy with results?
The transition from being a top expert to an empathetic leader is a psychological challenge. In my leadership coaching, we focus on building the human skills you need to lead with impact without losing your authenticity.
Ready to strengthen your leadership foundation? Book a discovery call here.
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