The Help-Trap: Your Good Intentions Might be What’s Exhausting You

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Summary: This article explores the “Help-Trap,” where leaders inadvertently hinder their team’s growth by providing all the answers. It explains how shifting focus to increasing team ownership and resourcefulness reduces manager burnout and builds long-term capability. By prioritizing independent thinking over short-term popularity, managers can transform from an “answering machine” into a catalyst for growth.

Many managers have some sense of what success looks like: generating output X or hitting a growth percentage Y. But they are often confused as to how to actually achieve that. They channel their energy towards short-term solutions and struggle with their team’s dramatically low sense of accountability and ownership.

When the team comes to them with a problem, the manager gives the answer. Problem solved. These are good intentions, but they are channeled incorrectly. It is short-term thinking. Well-intended, but ineffective long-term. Our ego’s love it though. I’ve been there many times. Nothing beats giving a smart answer and feeling useful.

The Thinking Manager

But this newsletter is for the Next Level Manager (NLM), the type of manager that works intentionally. They don’t just “do” management; they think deeply about what effective leadership actually is and how to help their team achieve their long-term goals.

They realize that in order to achieve those business goals, the development of their team’s capabilities is critical. Because they are the people that have to deliver those results. Help them become 20% more capable, and results can increase by 20%.

Strategies for Increasing Team Ownership

An essential driver behind that process is the amount of ownership and resourcefulness a team possesses. This is a dynamic metric, not a static one. You have influence over it. If you make increasing team ownership your objective, you will approach questions from your team differently.

This requires sacrifice. You might have to disappoint your team. You might even have to leave them hanging. You have to accept short-term hits to your popularity because you need to move away from giving them the answers to every question they bring you.

Avoiding the Dependency Cycle

Every time you offer an answer, you create a little more dependency. They see you as a little bit more important, and you are slowly setting yourself up for long-term failure. This is the Help-Trap. I have been on both sides: the trapper’s side and the trapée’s side. Both feel good short-term, but keep you stuck long-term. The more answers you give, the more questions will come your way, and the busier you will be. Many leaders who burn out are caught in this trap.

With the rise of AI, individual knowledge becomes less valuable. If you cling to being the person with all the answers, your position devalues over time. Instead, become a catalyst for your team’s learning. Instead of giving the answer, express your trust in their capabilities to find it themselves: “I know what you’re capable of, I’ve seen you do it before. See what solutions you can come up with.”

Practical Steps Toward Resourcefulness

It is important to distinguish between questions your team cannot know or solve on their own (budget, leave dates, etc.) and questions they can solve (internal conflicts, client problems). As we all use AI more, we are becoming worse at creative thinking. This makes this an uphill battle, but it is one worth fighting. Tell your team: “Anytime you come to me with a problem, tell me what solutions you have already considered.”

To make this practical, the NLM facilitates monthly sessions where team members show the rest of the group the process they followed to find a creative solution. The focus is not on the actual solution; it is on the steps they took to get there. During these sessions, use public recognition for the team members who showed the most resourcefulness. By highlighting someone who solved a problem without waiting for an answer, you signal to the rest of the team that you value independent thinking over simply “checking in.”

Investing in Long-term Impact

Think of it this way: if they are lost in the forest, do you give them direct instructions to get out? Or do you teach them to read a map and use a compass? I’ll zoom in on the process, and importance, of teaching new skills to your team, in a future edition of this newsletter. How to teach them to ‘read a compass’. But before we get there, we must let go of the tendency to give our team all the answers.

This shift is a vital part of leadership coaching. The leaders I work with transform their definitions of success, in ways that helps them, and their careers.

If you are ready to stop being the “answering machine” and start building a high-ownership team, schedule your free introduction call to discuss the possibilities for your specific situation.