Managing People You Don’t Like

You’re about to start your 1:1 with a team member.
The one you don’t like.
And doesn’t like you.

I often write about empathy, compassion, and connection. But today I want to tackle a slightly taboo truth: 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩.

There will always be people you enjoy more, and less. And the feeling sometimes is mutual.

A few things I’ve learned:

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
It’s human to want approval—but overcompensating can feel inauthentic and burn you out.

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
Pulling away or treating them worse than others, an understandable response, isn’t fair and will make matters worse. It also lowers trust in you as a leader.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹.
What feels personal often isn’t. Maybe you got the role they wanted. Maybe your performance view clashes with theirs. Maybe you remind them of someone from their past. Maybe your communication styles just grate. The less you internalise it, the better you’ll lead.

Ask yourself: 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮’𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺?

If yes: name the elephant in the room, calmly, without blame, and stress you want the best outcome for you both.
If no: still, you can ask, “Is there anything I can do to improve the way we work together?”

Leadership is a constant balancing act between the needs of your team, your client, your manager, and your company. You can’t make everyone happy.

If you find a balance that feels fair, serves the bigger picture, and doesn’t drain you dry, you’re doing great.