Tag: connection

Managing People You Don’t Like

You’re about to start your 1:1 with a team member.
The one you don’t like.
And doesn’t like you.

I often write about empathy, compassion, and connection. But today I want to tackle a slightly taboo truth: 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩.

There will always be people you enjoy more, and less. And the feeling sometimes is mutual.

A few things I’ve learned:

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
It’s human to want approval—but overcompensating can feel inauthentic and burn you out.

𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵” 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅.
Pulling away or treating them worse than others, an understandable response, isn’t fair and will make matters worse. It also lowers trust in you as a leader.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹.
What feels personal often isn’t. Maybe you got the role they wanted. Maybe your performance view clashes with theirs. Maybe you remind them of someone from their past. Maybe your communication styles just grate. The less you internalise it, the better you’ll lead.

Ask yourself: 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮’𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺?

If yes: name the elephant in the room, calmly, without blame, and stress you want the best outcome for you both.
If no: still, you can ask, “Is there anything I can do to improve the way we work together?”

Leadership is a constant balancing act between the needs of your team, your client, your manager, and your company. You can’t make everyone happy.

If you find a balance that feels fair, serves the bigger picture, and doesn’t drain you dry, you’re doing great.

How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People

Person A: “I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person B: “Fascinating! Because I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person A: “That’s so true, reminds me of… I, I, I, me, me, me.”

This is how most ‘conversations’ go: two people taking turns talking about themselves.

It’s not surprising. We’re wired to think about ourselves most of the time.

But when all we do is talk about ourselves, we miss out on something important.

We don’t learn anything new.
We don’t grow.
We don’t build real connections.

💡 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗔 𝗼𝗿 𝗕. 𝗕𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗖.

Person C makes conversations meaningful.

If someone brings up a topic, they ask questions like:

“What does that mean to you?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What do you like most about it?”

Person C doesn’t just talk—they listen and learn.

This doesn’t mean you should never talk about yourself. Conversations are a two-way street. But when you go into a conversation with curiosity and a desire to learn, amazing things happen:

🌟 You learn new things.
👀 You see the world in new ways.
❤️ You build stronger relationships.
🤝 People feel heard and valued.

Next time you’re in a conversation, pause and ask yourself:

𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆, 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱?

This small change can make a big difference.

conversatons curiosity

More Digital Connection, Less Human Connection.

Have you also noticed that we’re constantly connected through social media, but still many people feel more disconnected than ever?

Next week, the 𝘞𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 kicks off in the Netherlands, and it’s got me thinking about how many people, even in a bustling city like Amsterdam, feel disconnected. Did you know that 4 out of 10 adults in Amsterdam regularly experience loneliness? It’s a huge number, and yet it’s something many of us don’t talk about enough.

I’ve been lucky enough to be involved with two organizations that are trying to make a difference in their own ways—Humanitas and JCI.

Humanitas, a national nonprofit, is focused on supporting people through community service, and one of their main pillars is addressing loneliness. Their Van Mij Naar Wij (From Me, To We) project pairs volunteers with individuals seeking more connection, offering them much-needed companionship and support.

On the other hand, JCI (Junior Chamber International) is a global network of young professionals, with a broader mission to contribute to society through leadership and social impact. While loneliness isn’t a specific theme for JCI, it’s a space where members can create projects that help their communities.

Humanitas recently launched a new campaign to shine a light on loneliness and the impact of Van Mij Naar Wij. Part of the campaign is to record personal and heartwarming stories around the theme of human connection.

I had the opportunity to join forces with an amazing person equally committed to raising awareness for this cause and project. Together, we filmed a story that reflects the power and importance of connection, which I’m happy to share below (in Dutch).

To build on this, a group of us from both Humanitas and our local JCI chamber, Amsterdam Zuid, collaborated to create something special: an art exhibition focused on connection. We’re opening the exhibition next Thursday in De Hoftuin, right at the start of the Week Against Loneliness, and it will run for a week.

We’re showing artwork that participants and volunteers of the project made, around the theme of ‘connection’. The goal is to spark more conversations about loneliness and how we can all do our part to combat it.

Raising awareness is key. Loneliness is something many people struggle with, but it’s also something we can all help address, even in small ways. Whether that’s through volunteering, checking in on someone, or just being a little more mindful of those around us, we can all make a difference.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗺, 𝘄𝗲’𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 26𝘁𝗵, 2024 𝗮𝘁 𝟭𝟳:𝟬𝟬 𝗶𝗻 𝗗𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝗳𝘁𝘂𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝗺, 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸.

Loneliness

Difficult Conversations – Transforming Stress Into Connection

You’re about to walk into a performance review with a team member, knowing you have to deliver some tough feedback.

Your chest tightens, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind races with worst-case scenarios.

Sound familiar?

This kind of physical reaction is a natural response to stress, but it can also be a sign of a deeper issue: closing your heart to protect yourself.

We’ve all been hurt or disappointed in life, which may cause our hearts to close. When we close our hearts, we not only shut out pain but also joy, love, and connection.

This automatic defense mechanism, designed to protect us from physical threats, often leaves us feeling isolated and disconnected at work.

Living with an open heart, no matter what life throws at us, is challenging but highly rewarding. I know it sounds like a motivational poster, but let’s get practical.

Consider those moments right before difficult conversations or when receiving unexpected critical feedback.

The instinct to protect yourself causes physical constriction, especially around your chest.

You tense up, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind starts to close off, too.

Your mind and body are interconnected: the more you tense up, the more your mind focuses on perceived threats, the less connection you feel to others, the more your chest feels constricted.

Try this: each time you feel your chest tighten, consciously relax it.

Notice how often this happens throughout your day.

Slow your breathing and relax your entire body. This helps you stay calm and keeps your mind open.

When you’re open, you can connect more deeply with others. People will notice your openness and respond in kind, creating a ripple effect.

Take a deep breath, relax your chest, and embrace the day with an open heart. The rewards are immense.

The more you open up, the more the world opens up to you.

❤️

anxiety difficultconversations Leadership

Tag: connection

Managing People You Don’t Like

How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People

More Digital Connection, Less Human Connection.

Difficult Conversations – Transforming Stress Into Connection

info@davidbuirs.com

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