A controversial take on giving feedback..

Sometimes, not giving feedback is selfish.

We avoid it for two main reasons:

  1. We want to be liked.
  2. We fear confrontation.

Both are natural, but they’re also self-centered.

By holding back, we deny the other person a chance to grow. We think we’re sparing them, but really, we’re protecting ourselves.

I used to do this all the time early in my career. I withheld feedback, afraid of being disliked, or gave it only to boost my team’s performance, which ultimately served my interests. Neither approach worked.

Here’s what I’ve learned: feedback, when done right, is an act of care.

Give it regularly. Make it constructive—something they can actually use to improve.

Consider both dimensions:

  1. Rational: Be specific. Give it promptly. Offer clear suggestions for improvement.
  2. Emotional: Come from a place of genuine care. Don’t see the person as a problem to be fixed, but as someone worth investing in.

When feedback is both clear and compassionate, people will be more open to it.

It’s normal for it to feel awkward, especially when you’re new to leadership.

But if you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not leading.

Try it out, and let me know how it goes.

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

This might be controversial, but here’s something we need to talk about…

Social media is flooded with leadership quotes. We like them, we share them, and we think, “Gosh, when will my manager finally get this?” 🙄

But how often do we take a hard look at our own leadership?

Here’s the irony – most managers are on LinkedIn daily, yet many teams are still struggling.

It’s easy to scroll through content and believe the advice is for others. But true leadership starts with self-examination.

Are we actively seeking out feedback, especially when it’s tough to hear? Do we confront our own shortcomings?

Next time you come across a leadership quote, challenge yourself: Am I living up to this standard with my team?

If yes – how can you actually verify if this is true?

Keep the Dunning-Kruger effect in mind – people who objectively score among the bottom 0-25% on a particular skill rate themselves in the 50-75% bracket.

Unconscious incompetence is quite common.

❗ If you believe you’re doing great, but your team is consistently difficult or disengaged, it might be a sign to reevaluate your approach.

Here’s the truth – the leaders who practice honest self-reflection grow the fastest. They get promoted faster, score better on performance reviews, and lead happier teams.

Let’s not just scroll through inspirational quotes. Let’s live them.

Imagine the impact you could have by truly applying these principles.

Reflect deeply, lead with authenticity, and watch your team – and yourself – flourish. 💪

How To Have Difficult Conversations As Manager?

Struggling with tough conversations as a new manager? You’re not alone—over 90% of your peers feel the same.

I’ve certainly been there. Feeling anxious before feedback sessions or dreading delivering bad news.

So what turns your regular chat into a difficult conversation?

1) 𝗢𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀  ➡ ⬅
2) The 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 ❗
3) 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 run high 😨

Ironically, the more important the conversation, the harder it is to handle it well.

To guide you, I’ve created these slides for you. The information comes from a book I love: 𝘊𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.

With over 4 million copies sold, it’s a game-changer for leaders.

It helped me tremendously in my career. I hope it can help you too.

If you want to discuss specific situations that you find challenging, do reach out, I’d love to help.

See -Free Downloads- for the PDF file.

Make Your Meetings Great – And Save Time And Energy

Ever wondered why your meetings rarely end before their scheduled end time?

*𝗦𝘂𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲*

*𝗗𝗿𝘂𝗺-𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹*

Most of us love to talk!

Ok, that probably didn’t come as a surprise.

While talking builds connection, having days full of long calls depletes our energy.

And we’re all busy, sometimes overworked.

We spend so much time in calls,
calls that don’t end when they served their purpose.

They end when the time is up. Or after.

Then we rush to the next one, skipping lunch, feeling stressed.

How can we do this better?

As a team, take ownership of your time and productivity, together.

I created a team agreement for you that can help you.

Give it a try. Let me know how many free hours you gained this month!

See -Free Downloads – for the document.

Outsmarting AI – Why Human Skills Are Your Super Power In 2024

With AI increasingly handling technical tasks, the spotlight is on human skills – those essential, automation-resistant qualities that enrich our work interactions.

Think empathy, compassion, intuition, and leadership; they’re not just nice to have, they’re crucial for your career success.

Recent insights from 650 L&D and HR leaders confirm this trend, placing human skills on the second highest priority on the L&D agenda, just after business skills. As AI transforms technical work, the human touch grows in importance.

Particularly for leaders, strong human skills are becoming indispensable. (‘𝘚𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴’? – 2023 called, they want you back).

Case in point: “Manager effectiveness”, which is includes human skills like leadership and adaptability, is now the #1 concern for HR leaders worldwide (𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘦: 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘑𝘰𝘣 𝘚𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘙𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 2024). This indicates a growing emphasis on these competencies in modern management.

If you’re ready to develop these skills but unsure where to start, consider Active Listening, a foundational element of true connection and communication.

Transitioning from listening to analyze to listening to understand was a personal gamechanger for me. 💡

This key skill strongly supports workplace communication and relationships. There are plenty of resources, including many free YouTube videos, to help you get started.

Enhancing these human skills in 2024 and beyond will not only keep us relevant, but also amplify our impact in an AI-driven professional world.

At the beginning of this new year, take a moment to consider: which human skill do you want to strengthen in 2024? Your choice could significantly shape your professional path.

How To Have Effective 1:1’s With Your Team Members

Remember those 30-minute one-on-one meetings that felt more like a cozy chat than a productive meeting? We laughed, we talked, but often missed the key points.

It turns out, most managers, myself included, learned to conduct effective 1:1s more through slow experience than quick training.

Good 1:1s meet both the work and personal needs of your team.

Here’s how to make yours better:

1. 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸-𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴: Be genuinely curious and caring about how your direct reports are doing. Example questions: “How did you feel this week?” “What was your best moment?” “How has your week been?”

2. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝗮 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟭:𝟭𝘀: Tools like Asana, Jira, or even Google Sheets are great to track your meetings. Both you and your team member should add updates and agenda points, and review those, before the meeting.

3. 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁: Follow a set agenda. Cover open topics, action items, blockers, questions and successes. Save your valuable meeting time for discussion – you can share regular updates through the online tool.

4. 𝗣𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: Starting on time and avoiding cancellations shows respect. It signals to your team you value their time.

5. 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽: If you promise to take an action, update your team on the progress. It’s a great way to build trust. Ask the same from your team.

6. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: For leaders, information is gold. The leader that listens well has a big advantage. Listening also makes your team feel heard and cared about. (We all overestimate our ability to listen.)

7. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: Encourage them to think and reflect about their week. Ask about highlights and challenges. Instead of giving your ideal solution right away, ask them what they think first. This supports growth and learning.

Using these tips, you can turn 1:1s from simple chats into powerful tools for growth and success.

Freeing Up More Time For The Things That Matter – Prioritizing Your Tasks

“There’s never enough time in the day! What can I do about this?” 😓 In our professional lives, urgent tasks and looming deadlines can leave us feeling stretched thin and stressed, draining our energy and creating anxiety.

This challenge echoes through the experiences of many professionals I’ve connected with recently. Especially in dynamic and high-pressure industries, the struggle to find time for what truly matters is real.

We prioritize the urgent over the important.

The price we pay? We neglect investing in ourselves. We constantly put out fires, and don’t get to doing those things that prevent fires from breaking out or prepare us best for future opportunities.

▶ Enter the Important vs Urgent (‘Eisenhower’) matrix, a game-changer for those shifting from a reactive to a strategic approach.

Saying no to or delegating urgent but not important tasks might feel counterintuitive initially, but frees up precious time for activities that actually move the needle for you – whether it’s learning about new technologies, staying up to date on case law, or following that leadership, mindfulness or communication training.

The template below can help you reprioritize your time and energy. ⚡

And when you freed up that time, how can you be the most effective? Tip #1: Avoid distractions.

The constant need to respond immediately to messages and emails hijacks productivity and creates stress. Did you know it takes an average of 23 minutes to refocus after a distraction?

Scheduling uninterrupted time for your important work is a huge productivity booster. Here are 3 tips:

·      Try setting your OOO to “Focussed work time – call for emergencies” for an hour daily, and turn off Teams. 🤫
·      Use the ‘Pomodoro technique’ (named after a pomodoro kitchen timer): 25 minutes of focused work, 5-minute break, repeat 3-4 times. 🍅
·      Turn your phone’s messaging notifications off and put it out of sight. 📵

Freeing up this time can make a big impact over time: freeing up 2 hours for important work per week translates to around 100 hours per year. 

  • See ‘Free Downloads‘ for the Eisenhower Matrix PDF.

The Importance Of Taking Regular Breaks And Making Small Changes In Your Environment

Yesterday, something amazing happened in Amsterdam.

After months of cold and rain, suddenly the mercury hit 18 degrees – very rare for a day in March. 🌞

This beautiful weather had a remarkable effect – it completely changed the city’s vibe. People were smiling more, looked happier, and seemed more energetic.

It reminded me of how much a change in environment can impact your mood.

I often see the same during coaching, where even moving to a new spot in the room can change your mood, perspective or feelings.

Let’s connect this to how many of our days look; spending hours behind screens.

Apparently, and I only stumbled upon this mind-blowing fact recently: Zoom didn’t exist 20,000 years ago ( 😲!!).

Our brains haven’t yet evolved to deal with Zoom-a-thons.

What can you do?

Create several of these mini-spring moments throughout your day.

Every few hours, go for a short walk outside.

Or put on your favorite song and dance.

Or do some stretching.

Anything that gets your body moving.

These changes in the environment work like resets for your brain.

As the picture below shows: your brain needs to recharge – you can’t win all those Nobel prizes on an empty battery.

(The test person at the bottom, the one whose brain doesn’t look microwaved, took short breaks between calls.)