๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต’๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ?
When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.
Today, I practice a different response: ๐ฐ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐๐.
Anger can feel like an attack, but itโs rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purposeโconscious or not.
People get angry because theyโre trying to achieve something.
โข Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
โข Maybe theyโre trying to control the situation.
โข Maybe theyโre protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.
Hereโs the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:
โช๏ธ ๐๐บ๐ฎ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐-๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐น๐ถ๐ด๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฏ๐๐บ๐ฝ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ฏ๐ฎ๐น๐น ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐ฐ๐ต.
Does the person yell at them? Noโbecause their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.
โช๏ธ ๐ก๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฎ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ณ๐๐น ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ.
Do most people explode with anger? Noโbecause their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.
If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they donโt.
๐๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ถ๐น๐น ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ถ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น.
The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.
Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ?
Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?
This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ผ: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. Itโs also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.
This doesnโt mean tolerating bad behaviorโboundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.
So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น?
Youโll be surprised how much clarityโand calmโyou gain.
