Dealing With Difficult Colleagues

Some colleagues challenge our patience.

They might be self-centered, poor listeners, unreliable, or drenched in negativity.

You’ve tried to sidestep them. But then came the promotion to manager.

Now you have to face them head-on.

Motivating them feels like dragging an anchor through the mud.

And when they don’t change, their behavior begins to cast shadows over your team’s morale and results.

<<𝗖𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲>>

What if their difficult behavior is not a wall, but a riddle to be solved?

What if their egocentrism and unreliability are scars from years of disappointment?

What if their negativity is a cry of deep concern for the team or company’s direction?

Framing them as merely difficult hardens your heart and colours every interaction.

It becomes you versus them. Trust evaporates, resistance rises.

You end up trying to prove them wrong, hoping they’ll change.

But that battle is always lost.

This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior. Negativity is contagious and can spread like an oil spill.

As a leader, boundaries are essential. But before setting them, use Curiosity and Compassion.

Listen with genuine curiosity, without judgment. Take their concerns serious, and if they are valid, address them. Communicate on what you’ve done.

If what they want is not something you can do, explain why, clearly and calmly.

No one wants to be forced to change.

Everyone wants to be heard and understood.

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

This might be controversial, but here’s something we need to talk about…

Social media is flooded with leadership quotes. We like them, we share them, and we think, “Gosh, when will my manager finally get this?” 🙄

But how often do we take a hard look at our own leadership?

Here’s the irony – most managers are on LinkedIn daily, yet many teams are still struggling.

It’s easy to scroll through content and believe the advice is for others. But true leadership starts with self-examination.

Are we actively seeking out feedback, especially when it’s tough to hear? Do we confront our own shortcomings?

Next time you come across a leadership quote, challenge yourself: Am I living up to this standard with my team?

If yes – how can you actually verify if this is true?

Keep the Dunning-Kruger effect in mind – people who objectively score among the bottom 0-25% on a particular skill rate themselves in the 50-75% bracket.

Unconscious incompetence is quite common.

❗ If you believe you’re doing great, but your team is consistently difficult or disengaged, it might be a sign to reevaluate your approach.

Here’s the truth – the leaders who practice honest self-reflection grow the fastest. They get promoted faster, score better on performance reviews, and lead happier teams.

Let’s not just scroll through inspirational quotes. Let’s live them.

Imagine the impact you could have by truly applying these principles.

Reflect deeply, lead with authenticity, and watch your team – and yourself – flourish. 💪

Difficult Conversations – Transforming Stress Into Connection

You’re about to walk into a performance review with a team member, knowing you have to deliver some tough feedback.

Your chest tightens, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind races with worst-case scenarios.

Sound familiar?

This kind of physical reaction is a natural response to stress, but it can also be a sign of a deeper issue: closing your heart to protect yourself.

We’ve all been hurt or disappointed in life, which may cause our hearts to close. When we close our hearts, we not only shut out pain but also joy, love, and connection.

This automatic defense mechanism, designed to protect us from physical threats, often leaves us feeling isolated and disconnected at work.

Living with an open heart, no matter what life throws at us, is challenging but highly rewarding. I know it sounds like a motivational poster, but let’s get practical.

Consider those moments right before difficult conversations or when receiving unexpected critical feedback.

The instinct to protect yourself causes physical constriction, especially around your chest.

You tense up, your breath becomes shallow, and your mind starts to close off, too.

Your mind and body are interconnected: the more you tense up, the more your mind focuses on perceived threats, the less connection you feel to others, the more your chest feels constricted.

Try this: each time you feel your chest tighten, consciously relax it.

Notice how often this happens throughout your day.

Slow your breathing and relax your entire body. This helps you stay calm and keeps your mind open.

When you’re open, you can connect more deeply with others. People will notice your openness and respond in kind, creating a ripple effect.

Take a deep breath, relax your chest, and embrace the day with an open heart. The rewards are immense.

The more you open up, the more the world opens up to you.

❤️

Why Your Next Promotion Might Be Your Last (Unless You’re Aware of This) 1/2

Imagine climbing a ladder, where each step represents a new level of achievement in your career.

Now, imagine there’s a step where, once you reach it, climbing further becomes impossible—not because the ladder ends, but because your ability to climb does. Welcome to the Peter Principle.

Coined by Dr. Laurence J. Peter in 1969, this principle suggests that in a company’s hierarchy, people tend to rise to their “level of incompetence.”

Simply put, most people are promoted based on their performance in their previous role. Until they reach a position where they’re no longer competent enough in that role.

And that’s where they stop.

The beauty—and challenge—of this concept lies in its silent alarm: to pause and introspect. It’s not a career death sentence but a wake-up call to continually evolve, to plug the gaps in our competence before they become career stoppers.

Because you actually can increase your level of competence.

Recognizing where you need to grow requires humility and curiosity—qualities essential for any leader aiming to defy the Peter Principle.

In essence, the ability to progress beyond your current capabilities is not only about acquiring new skills; it’s about self-awareness and the willingness to adapt.

𝗧𝗶𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗱𝘂𝗮𝗹𝘀: assess what skills are needed for the 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 step, and actively develop those. Ask for honest feedback.

𝗧𝗶𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀/𝗛𝗥: promote people based on their suitability for their next role, not their performance on their current job. Create development programs.

So, how can you ensure your next promotion isn’t your last?

Stay tuned for part 2 of this series next week, where I’ll discuss a phenomenon that often goes hand-in-hand with the Peter Principle, keeping many from realizing their potential blind spots.

Hint: It’s not about your ability but your awareness of it.

How To Have Difficult Conversations As Manager?

Struggling with tough conversations as a new manager? You’re not alone—over 90% of your peers feel the same.

I’ve certainly been there. Feeling anxious before feedback sessions or dreading delivering bad news.

So what turns your regular chat into a difficult conversation?

1) 𝗢𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀  ➡ ⬅
2) The 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 ❗
3) 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 run high 😨

Ironically, the more important the conversation, the harder it is to handle it well.

To guide you, I’ve created these slides for you. The information comes from a book I love: 𝘊𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.

With over 4 million copies sold, it’s a game-changer for leaders.

It helped me tremendously in my career. I hope it can help you too.

If you want to discuss specific situations that you find challenging, do reach out, I’d love to help.

See -Free Downloads- for the PDF file.

Why Is Psychological Safety A Game-Changer At Work?

What sets high-performing teams apart?

It’s not just skills or hard work—it’s the climate of trust they operate in, where making mistakes is not a fireable offense but a growth opportunity.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending an eye-opening workshop by Gabriele Galassi, organized by the inspiring the D2 collective.

The topic: psychological safety at work.

A standout insight?

Google’s research shows that top teams succeed not because they are smarter, but because there is more psychological safety.

Psychological safety is 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘬-𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Safer to speak up, challenge norms, make mistakes, report errors and give each other tough feedback.

A few more learnings from yesterday I want to share with you:

📌 Having a great variation of nationalities on a team promotes psychological safety.

📌 Team cohesion is another strong predictor of performance. Teams where members are willing and able to establish strong relationships, to listen and feel empathy for each other and to give and take feedback, perform better than regular teams.

📌 In the workplace, we start overvaluing tasks over relationships. Starting the day with a relationship-building exercise over a task-oriented meeting, can have surprisingly beneficial results.

📌 A characteristic of high-performing teams is that members speak roughly in equal measure, keeping contributions short and sweet.

Improving psychological safety and team cohesion is one of the topics I work on with my ambitious leadership development clients.

Do you want to boost your team’s performance too?

Let’s connect!

Creating Long-Term Behavioral Change – What’s The Secret?

Remember your New Year’s resolutions? How’s that going?

If yours are barely hanging on, you’re not alone — less than 10% of us keep them alive.

Harvard’s Kegan and Lahey’s groundbreaking book “Immunity to Change”, shows us why.

In a nutshell – we have ‘hidden commitments’ (subconscious promises) to ourselves, that conflict with our best intentions to change.

These deeply influence our actions.

Kegan and Lahey’s work shows how we unknowingly shield ourselves from change with our hidden commitments and fears, despite our efforts to evolve.

Without realizing this, long lasting change is almost impossible.

Take delegation, for example.

On the surface, it seems straightforward: you’re swamped with work and need to offload some tasks to your team.

However, despite your best intentions, you find yourself hesitating to delegate.

The Immunity to Change framework might reveal a hidden commitment to always being the one who solves problems.

Perhaps it’s driven by an underlying assumption that if you’re not the one fixing things, your value as a leader diminishes.

Another common workplace scenario is receiving feedback.

You know it’s essential for growth, yet each time feedback is offered, you defensively justify your actions or dismiss the suggestions.

This resistance could come from a conflicting hidden commitment to maintaining your self-image as competent and perfect.

Strengthened by the assumption that any criticism is a threat to your identity.

How to solve this? Visualize these internal dynamics, with an Immunity to Change-map.

It always consists of the same 4 columns:

1. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 (e.g., be a better listener),
2. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱 (dismiss differing opinions),
3. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (only valuing aligned views),
4. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 (believing I’m always right).

Our visible commitments (what we aim to do) and our hidden commitments conflict with each other.

By mapping this out, we can actually see why we are sabotaging our intentions to change.

Acknowledging these hidden commitments and the assumptions fueling them is the first step.

Next, challenge these beliefs. Do they really serve you? Or do you merely serve them?

Personally, I tried to become a better listener (1).

And at the same time, when listening I focused mostly on verifying if their story matched my beliefs (2), which blocks actual listening.

My hidden, subconscious, commitment to myself, was to only listen to opinions I agree with (3).

The hidden (and 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘦𝘥) assumption: I know what’s right (4).

Mapping out your Immunity-to-Change map can lead to breakthroughs and transformational growth.

It works both for individuals, teams and organisations.

Ready to see what’s really holding you back? Message me to start mapping your route to real change.

How To Have Effective 1:1’s With Your Team Members

Remember those 30-minute one-on-one meetings that felt more like a cozy chat than a productive meeting? We laughed, we talked, but often missed the key points.

It turns out, most managers, myself included, learned to conduct effective 1:1s more through slow experience than quick training.

Good 1:1s meet both the work and personal needs of your team.

Here’s how to make yours better:

1. 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸-𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴: Be genuinely curious and caring about how your direct reports are doing. Example questions: “How did you feel this week?” “What was your best moment?” “How has your week been?”

2. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝗮 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝟭:𝟭𝘀: Tools like Asana, Jira, or even Google Sheets are great to track your meetings. Both you and your team member should add updates and agenda points, and review those, before the meeting.

3. 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁: Follow a set agenda. Cover open topics, action items, blockers, questions and successes. Save your valuable meeting time for discussion – you can share regular updates through the online tool.

4. 𝗣𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: Starting on time and avoiding cancellations shows respect. It signals to your team you value their time.

5. 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽: If you promise to take an action, update your team on the progress. It’s a great way to build trust. Ask the same from your team.

6. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: For leaders, information is gold. The leader that listens well has a big advantage. Listening also makes your team feel heard and cared about. (We all overestimate our ability to listen.)

7. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: Encourage them to think and reflect about their week. Ask about highlights and challenges. Instead of giving your ideal solution right away, ask them what they think first. This supports growth and learning.

Using these tips, you can turn 1:1s from simple chats into powerful tools for growth and success.

Freeing Up More Time For The Things That Matter – Prioritizing Your Tasks

“There’s never enough time in the day! What can I do about this?” 😓 In our professional lives, urgent tasks and looming deadlines can leave us feeling stretched thin and stressed, draining our energy and creating anxiety.

This challenge echoes through the experiences of many professionals I’ve connected with recently. Especially in dynamic and high-pressure industries, the struggle to find time for what truly matters is real.

We prioritize the urgent over the important.

The price we pay? We neglect investing in ourselves. We constantly put out fires, and don’t get to doing those things that prevent fires from breaking out or prepare us best for future opportunities.

▶ Enter the Important vs Urgent (‘Eisenhower’) matrix, a game-changer for those shifting from a reactive to a strategic approach.

Saying no to or delegating urgent but not important tasks might feel counterintuitive initially, but frees up precious time for activities that actually move the needle for you – whether it’s learning about new technologies, staying up to date on case law, or following that leadership, mindfulness or communication training.

The template below can help you reprioritize your time and energy. ⚡

And when you freed up that time, how can you be the most effective? Tip #1: Avoid distractions.

The constant need to respond immediately to messages and emails hijacks productivity and creates stress. Did you know it takes an average of 23 minutes to refocus after a distraction?

Scheduling uninterrupted time for your important work is a huge productivity booster. Here are 3 tips:

·      Try setting your OOO to “Focussed work time – call for emergencies” for an hour daily, and turn off Teams. 🤫
·      Use the ‘Pomodoro technique’ (named after a pomodoro kitchen timer): 25 minutes of focused work, 5-minute break, repeat 3-4 times. 🍅
·      Turn your phone’s messaging notifications off and put it out of sight. 📵

Freeing up this time can make a big impact over time: freeing up 2 hours for important work per week translates to around 100 hours per year. 

  • See ‘Free Downloads‘ for the Eisenhower Matrix PDF.

What Problems And Questions From My Team Should I Take On – And What Not?

Who else has felt the overwhelming urge to solve every problem that lands on their desk?

It’s a common trap for new managers, feeling like you need to be the hero.

Imagine walking around with a big backpack. 🎒

Every time your team comes to you with a problem, you have a choice – do you accept the problem and add it to your backpack, or not?

Put too much in your backpack, and you won’t be able to move anymore.

Great leadership isn’t about how many problems you can solve; it’s about how many problems you can teach your team to solve.

📌 Here’s a quick tip: Think of yourself as a guide rather than a fixer.

Next time a direct report comes to you with an issue, ask, “What part of this can you handle, and what do you need my help with? What solution have you considered?”.

This empowers them and helps you prioritize your own workload.

👉 If you’re unsure whether to take on a problem, consider if it aligns with your key responsibilities. If it doesn’t, it’s likely not yours to solve.

Coaching your team to handle challenges not only lightens your load but also builds their confidence and skills.

This fosters a culture of problem-solving, innovation, and ownership.

Lastly, at a later moment, check-in and reflect with your team around problems you asked them to solve themselves, to build trust and enhance learning.