Managing Former Peers as a New Leader

“We’re still cool, right?”
That unspoken question lingers the moment you go from peer to boss.

Yesterday, you were part of the inside jokes, the venting sessions, the after-work drinks.
Today, you’re the one approving time off, giving feedback, making tough calls.

And suddenly… things feel different.

The casual banter gets more careful.
The invites to lunch slow down.
Some teammates hold back—like they’re not sure if you’re still their friend or their boss.

That shift can feel isolating.
No one tells you how lonely leadership can be.

You can’t lead if you’re too busy trying to be liked.
A lot of new managers hesitate to set boundaries.
They soften feedback.
They avoid tough calls.

But trying to keep everyone comfortable?
That’s exactly what makes things weird.

The fix? Be clear. Be fair. Be human.

Acknowledge the shift.
Have an open conversation: “I know this is a transition for all of us. I’ll always be upfront with you.”

Set expectations early.
Create clarity—what stays the same, what will be different, and how you’ll lead.

Be consistent.
No overcorrecting. No playing favorites. Just fairness across the board.

When it seems like you have to pick between leadership and friendship, remember your real job is to guide the team. Strong relationships help, but focusing too hard on popularity pulls you away from your responsibilities.

Support matters in leadership, but so does accountability. Making tough decisions, setting boundaries, and using your authority come with the territory. Friendliness is fine, as long as it doesn’t undermine fairness or progress.

People don’t need a boss chasing popularity; they need someone they can respect. Real respect grows from clarity, fairness, and consistency—every day.

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it?

90% of Managers Need Training – Most Never Get It

Gallup’s main finding after studying 2.5 million teams (!):
👉 Only 10% of managers naturally possess the talent to lead well.
👉 The other 90% need training to succeed.

But here’s the problem—most companies don’t provide that training.

Instead, they take their best individual contributor, promote them to manager, and hope for the best.

What happens next?

Their team disengages. Performance slips. Turnover rises.
You assume they just need time.
But months pass. A year. Nothing improves.

Why?

Because the skills that made them a top performer have nothing to do with leading people. And the worst part? They were set up to fail.

The cost of getting it wrong:
📉 Companies pick the wrong managers 82% of the time
📉 Managers drive 70% of team engagement
📉 Only 35% of U.S. managers are engaged at work

Bad management costs companies billions in lost productivity and turnover.

The fix? Treat leadership as a skill, not a promotion.

1️⃣ Spot leadership potential early – Not everyone is meant to lead. Those who are need training before they’re promoted.
2️⃣ Develop managers before they struggle – The 90% who aren’t naturals? They can succeed—with the right coaching.
3️⃣ Hold leadership to the same standard as any other skill – You wouldn’t make someone a CFO just because they’re good with numbers. So why promote a manager without leadership training?

Leadership isn’t something people just “figure out.”
It’s something they learn.

Are your managers getting the training they need?

The Gallup Study: https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231593/why-great-managers-rare.aspx.

How To Manage Underperformers

The first time you realize someone on your team isn’t keeping up, it’s uncomfortable.

You ask yourself:

❌ Am I being too tough—or not tough enough?
❌ Do they need more support—or is it time for a hard conversation?
❌ How do I handle this without losing their trust?

These moments test you as a leader.

Some managers avoid them. Others come down too hard.

The best ones? They navigate them with clarity, honesty, and care.

This guide will show you how to:

✅ Pinpoint the real performance gap
✅ Have the conversation the right way
✅ Balance support with accountability

See the “Free Downloads” section of this website for the PDF to browse through 👉

How To Deal With Anger At Work

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳?

When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.

Today, I practice a different response: 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆.

Anger can feel like an attack, but it’s rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purpose—conscious or not.

People get angry because they’re trying to achieve something.

• Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
• Maybe they’re trying to control the situation.
• Maybe they’re protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.

Here’s the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:

▪️ 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀-𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵.
Does the person yell at them? No—because their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.

▪️ 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸.
Do most people explode with anger? No—because their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.

If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they don’t.
𝗔𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹.

The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.

Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿?

Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?

This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.

𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. It’s also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.

This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior—boundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.

So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹?

You’ll be surprised how much clarity—and calm—you gain.

Other People’s Opinion of You… Theirs or Yours?

You know that team member that thinks you lack the experience?

Or the colleague that thinks your meeting contributions don’t add value?

It stings, doesn’t it?

Now, consider this..

Deep down, there’s a good chance you believe these things about yourself              .

We often project our own hidden insecurities onto others.
We assume they see the worst in us because we do.
And when someone’s behavior even faintly matches our fear, it feels like confirmation.

For example:
Imagine someone who secretly believes they’re unworthy of love.
They might think others dislike them, avoid them, or find them boring.
To compensate, they become people pleasers—saying yes to everything, constantly seeking approval.

And when someone cancels plans or rejects their offer to help?
It cuts deep.
Not because of the action itself, but because it echoes that hidden belief:
I’m not worthy.

Now, think about this:
If someone insulted your blue hair but you didn’t have blue hair, you couldn’t care less.
It wouldn’t resonate.
But when a comment mirrors your own fears? It hurts.

So, how can we break this cycle?

The next time you think, “They must believe this about me,” pause.
Ask yourself: Could this be something I believe about myself?

Instead of being upset with them, turn inward.

Reflect:

  • Do I truly believe this about myself?
  • Can I be absolutely sure it’s true?
  • If not -is this belief helping me?

If it isn’t, start building a new belief—one rooted in kindness and compassion towards yourself.

This shift won’t happen overnight.
But with patience, you can rewrite the narrative.

And the world will start reflecting the version of you that you choose to believe in.

❤️

𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 > 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 – a Formula For Success

Learning > Change

This is a formula for success.

Your 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, the rate at which you adopt and expand your skills as leader, needs to exceed the rate at which your environment 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴.

If not, you’ll fall behind and others will pass you by.

Has your learning kept up? Are you consistently making time for personal and professional development?

Prioritizing your full inbox, however inevitable and important it might feel, is short-term thinking. And it will never get empty.

As leaders, we face bigger expectations, more complex challenges, and higher stakes.

So how do you ensure your growth stays ahead of the curve? Here are three steps:

1️⃣ Reflect Regularly
Block out time each week to review what’s working, what’s not, and what you can learn from it all.

2️⃣ Seek Feedback
Blind spots grow in the dark. Ask for candid input often—don’t wait for formal reviews.
𝘈 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘏𝘉𝘙 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴: 95% 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 10-15% 𝘢𝘳𝘦.

3️⃣ Invest in Yourself
Read, take courses, or get help. Your development isn’t a “nice-to-have” but a “must-have.”

Change is inevitable. Falling behind doesn’t have to be.

How has your learning kept pace with your changing role over the past year?

How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People

Person A: “I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person B: “Fascinating! Because I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person A: “That’s so true, reminds me of… I, I, I, me, me, me.”

This is how most ‘conversations’ go: two people taking turns talking about themselves.

It’s not surprising. We’re wired to think about ourselves most of the time.

But when all we do is talk about ourselves, we miss out on something important.

We don’t learn anything new.
We don’t grow.
We don’t build real connections.

💡 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗔 𝗼𝗿 𝗕. 𝗕𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗖.

Person C makes conversations meaningful.

If someone brings up a topic, they ask questions like:

“What does that mean to you?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What do you like most about it?”

Person C doesn’t just talk—they listen and learn.

This doesn’t mean you should never talk about yourself. Conversations are a two-way street. But when you go into a conversation with curiosity and a desire to learn, amazing things happen:

🌟 You learn new things.
👀 You see the world in new ways.
❤️ You build stronger relationships.
🤝 People feel heard and valued.

Next time you’re in a conversation, pause and ask yourself:

𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆, 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱?

This small change can make a big difference.

As a Leader, Do You Always Need to Have the Answer?

You’re not a search engine.

But as a new leader, it can feel like you have to be one.

Your team asks questions. Pings you on Teams. Calls. Emails. And the instinct? Respond. Immediately. Every single time.

The problem? Constant interruptions chip away at your ability to focus, and focus is what you need most as a leader.

It’s what allows you to steer the ship, plan strategically, and make thoughtful decisions for your team’s success.

When you spend your days responding to every ping and notification, you lose the time and energy for the deep thinking that drives real progress.

What can you do?

• 𝗘𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: Set a daily hour of uninterrupted focus for you and your team.
• 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀: Encourage your team to solve what they can without you, building their confidence along the way.
• 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗲: Leadership is about guiding the team toward long-term success, not managing every moment.

Start protecting your focus.

It’s the key to being the leader your team needs.

What if your manager or client gives you more work than you can handle?

What do you do when your manager or client asks you to take on more work—when your schedule is already packed?

Most of us have two typical responses:

Say 𝘆𝗲𝘀, and brace yourself for even more 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴.
Say 𝗻𝗼, and worry about coming across as 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭.

But there’s a better way—a skill borrowed from improv that can change everything.

Imagine this: You’re in a meeting, and your manager suddenly asks you to “take charge” of an urgent project. Your calendar is already full, but saying no feels risky.

Or picture this: A client asks for extra work, and the deadline is tight. Saying yes means you’ll struggle to keep up with everything else, yet saying no might feel like letting them down.

This is where “𝗬𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱…” comes in.

The phrase “Yes, and…” comes from improv theater. Instead of rejecting an idea, performers use it to build on each other’s thoughts, creating a sense of flow.

In a work setting, it works much the same way. Here’s how it sounds in practice:

“𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘐’𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐’𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬.”

With “𝗬𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱…”, you keep your response open and positive while setting clear boundaries. It helps you stay engaged without overcommitting.

The magic of “Yes, and…” is that it also:

• Shows you’re willing to collaborate
• Acknowledges that your time and energy are limited
• Puts the choice back in their hands, giving them a sense of control

Next time someone asks you to do more than you can handle, try these two simple words.

Let me know how it goes 🙂

Starting Leaders – Don’t Fall For the Power Paradox.

Have you ever watched a colleague get promoted to team lead, only to see them change?

They start off grounded, empathetic, and fair. Then, slowly, that openness starts to fade. They seem less interested in feedback. More impulsive. And the empathy? It’s like it vanished.

Sound familiar? This change isn’t unique—it’s a trap nearly every leader risks falling into.

This is the 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗼𝘅, a term coined by psychologist Dacher Keltner.

And now it gets interest: it doesn’t just impact “other leaders.” 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙩𝙤𝙤.

The Power Paradox concept explains how, as leaders gain power, they often lose the very qualities that like respect and trust that led them to power. Keltner’s research shows that power affects the brain, triggering dopamine and sparking a “high” that can become addictive.

While it feels great, it also blunts social awareness, turning focus inward and making self-serving decisions feel “right.”

If you’re a leader, don’t assume you’re immune— 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 is the key to avoiding this trap.

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘁:

  1. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗥𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆: Empathy fades fast with power. Keep listening, and make a habit of asking your team what they really need. Adopt a regular ‘Loving/Kindness’ meditation practice to increase empathy.
  2. 𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗛𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸: Power can make people reluctant to be honest. Show your team that you genuinely value their insights, not just their agreement.
  3. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗚𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱: Real leadership is about serving others. Focus on the team’s success and growth, not just your own.
  4. 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 Power drives impulsive decisions. Before you make a call, take a breath. Ask yourself: who does this really serve?

The Power Paradox is real, and it can sneak up on anyone. Stay aware, and protect the qualities that make you a true leader.

𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘂𝗽. ⬆