If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.” The likely difference? Selfawareness for those managers.
The difference in impact between the two is huge.
What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?
Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.
If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.
Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.
So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.
Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”
Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.
I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.
With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.
→ What feedback during your time as manager has shaped your leadership the most?
Want to become better at leadership? Selfawareness for managers is the key. And it can be improved. Interested? Plan a free intake at www.davidbuirs.com/contact.
Managing people you don’t like
David Buirs Management Trainer
Continue readingWhen Do You Become Too Self-critical?
“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?
There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:
Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.
We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”
But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.
🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.
It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.
Here’s what helps me reframe:
“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”
That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.
Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.
How to Up-Manage Well
Not all rising leaders are the loudest or most experienced ones.
Some are just quietly doing something most people overlook:
They think like owners—and that includes how they manage up.
It’s not just about leading your team.
It’s about supporting your manager too:
→ Keeping them informed
→ Flagging issues early
→ Helping them avoid surprises
Because when you practice up-management well,
you earn freedom.
You stop getting micromanaged.
You get pulled into real decisions.
You start getting seen differently—like someone who gets the bigger picture.
A few ways to start:
✅ Keep a shared doc with live updates—they’ll never have to chase
✅ Ask: “What could I do this week to make your job easier?”
✅ Offer a possible fix with every issue—even a rough one is better than none
How to Make Meetings More Effective?
It’s 13:58.
You’ve just spent 58 minutes nodding, bouncing ideas, feeling like “𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.”
Then someone says:
“𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭’𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 — 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭”
𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸.
𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.
You stare at your screen, slightly dazed, mildly irritated, already bracing for the next one.
And it hits you:
𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴?
Who’s doing what? By when?
We’ve all been there many times.
It wasn’t really a meeting.
It was a conversation with a calendar invite.
And conversations — without clarity — don’t drive results.
Here’s the fix:
📌 In the last 3 minutes, ask:
- 𝙒𝙝𝙤 is doing something?
- 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 exactly are they doing?
- 𝘽𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 will it be done?
Then start your next meeting by checking in on those three.
When meetings end with 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽,
you’ll need fewer of them — and get more done.
And the holy grail?
You might even get to say the sexiest line in corporate life:
“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺.”
You don’t even have to be the host.
Just say:
“𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯?”
Try it once. Your future self will thank you.
Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior as a Manager
It was the sigh for me.
That long, dramatic exhale in the middle of our meeting—the kind that doesn’t need words to say:
“Let’s not pretend we like each other, and finish this meeting asap.”
The kind that makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward.
And what did I do?
I smiled.
Nodded.
Acted like all was well.
This was early in my leadership career, and back then, my go-to strategy for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior was… well, 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲.
I didn’t want to make it worse.
Didn’t want to seem harsh or overly “bossy.”
I wanted to keep the relationship strong.
But here’s what I’ve learned since:
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.
Because the more I ignored it, the more it showed up.
And the more I stayed silent, the harder it became to speak up.
Today, I handle it differently.
I say something like:
“Hey—I sensed a bit of tension in our last conversation. Can we talk about it?”
Curious.
Calm.
Clear.
It’s not about calling someone 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
It’s about calling them 𝘪𝘯.
Because leadership isn’t about being liked at all costs.
It’s about creating relationships rooted in respect—and the kind of honesty that actually builds trust.
The Power of Your Expectations
How much do you really believe in your team’s potential?
The expectations you set for them could be the difference between success and stagnation.
The Pygmalion Effect shows us that when you expect your team to succeed, they’re more likely to do so.
But the Golem Effect tells us the opposite:
If you expect little, your team may underperform—whether you intend that or not.
I wish I knew about these effects a few years ago, as they’re very real.
Your beliefs can either limit or amplify your team’s growth.
High expectations encourage initiative, creativity, and responsibility.
Low expectations breed hesitation and a lack of engagement.
To maximize your team’s potential, focus on the power of your belief in them.
Challenge yourself:
Are you empowering your team through trust and high expectations?
Or are you holding them back with doubt?
🔺Are you looking for an incompany management training? I’d love to discuss this further!
How To Stop Negativity From Spreading In Your Team
Negativity spreads fast.
One complaint turns into a group venting session.
One frustration becomes the team’s mood.
I’ve seen it happen. And as a manager, it can make you feel powerless.
Especially when the frustration is about things outside your control—like salaries, company policies, or strategic decisions made higher up.
You don’t want to silence people. They have the right to voice concerns.
At the same time, research shows that some ways of dealing with negativity—like avoidance, suppression, or manipulation—only make things worse. Instead of resolving tension, these approaches allow negativity to fester or resurface in unproductive ways.
So, how do you manage it?
1. Acknowledge, but don’t amplify
Let people vent, but don’t fuel the fire.
“I hear you. This is frustrating. What do you think we can do within our control?”
Redirect the conversation toward action.
2. Reframe the narrative
Negativity thrives in a vacuum. If people lack context, they assume the worst.
As a manager, you can help reframe the situation:
“I get why this feels unfair, but here’s the bigger picture…”
This is called reappraisal—shifting how we interpret a situation. Studies show that once a new perspective spreads among 25-40% of a group, the rest will likely adopt it too.
3. Set the emotional tone
Your team will take cues from you. Stay calm, steady, and constructive.
Negativity isn’t the enemy. But letting it take over is.
Strong leaders don’t ignore emotions. They help teams process them—without getting stuck.
Managing Former Peers as a New Leader
“We’re still cool, right?”
That unspoken question lingers the moment you go from peer to boss.
Yesterday, you were part of the inside jokes, the venting sessions, the after-work drinks.
Today, you’re the one approving time off, giving feedback, making tough calls.
And suddenly… things feel different.
The casual banter gets more careful.
The invites to lunch slow down.
Some teammates hold back—like they’re not sure if you’re still their friend or their boss.
That shift can feel isolating.
No one tells you how lonely leadership can be.
You can’t lead if you’re too busy trying to be liked.
A lot of new managers hesitate to set boundaries.
They soften feedback.
They avoid tough calls.
But trying to keep everyone comfortable?
That’s exactly what makes things weird.
The fix? Be clear. Be fair. Be human.
Acknowledge the shift.
Have an open conversation: “I know this is a transition for all of us. I’ll always be upfront with you.”
Set expectations early.
Create clarity—what stays the same, what will be different, and how you’ll lead.
Be consistent.
No overcorrecting. No playing favorites. Just fairness across the board.
When it seems like you have to pick between leadership and friendship, remember your real job is to guide the team. Strong relationships help, but focusing too hard on popularity pulls you away from your responsibilities.
Support matters in leadership, but so does accountability. Making tough decisions, setting boundaries, and using your authority come with the territory. Friendliness is fine, as long as it doesn’t undermine fairness or progress.
People don’t need a boss chasing popularity; they need someone they can respect. Real respect grows from clarity, fairness, and consistency—every day.
Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it?
How To Manage Underperformers
The first time you realize someone on your team isn’t keeping up, it’s uncomfortable.
You ask yourself:
❌ Am I being too tough—or not tough enough?
❌ Do they need more support—or is it time for a hard conversation?
❌ How do I handle this without losing their trust?
These moments test you as a leader.
Some managers avoid them. Others come down too hard.
The best ones? They navigate them with clarity, honesty, and care.
This guide will show you how to:
✅ Pinpoint the real performance gap
✅ Have the conversation the right way
✅ Balance support with accountability
See the “Free Downloads” section of this website for the PDF to browse through 👉