The Mindset Shift That Transforms Leadership: Moving Beyond Criticism

“That’s not gonna work, because…”

I used to say that often. Made me feel good. Like I was the one who caught what others didn’t.

I did it even with the teams I was leading.

Lots of self-reflection and feedback later, I saw what I was actually doing: trying to sound smart. Point out the flaw, drop criticism, walk away. No real contribution. It led me to a leadership mindset shift.

Spotting risks is still important. Some people lean too optimistic, and having someone who notices the weak spots keeps things balanced. But without ideas for what will work, you’re not helping anyone move forward. Guiltyyyyy.

Now I try to pause and ask myself:
“What part of this could actually work?”
“How can we tweak the part that doesn’t work, so that it does?”

It shifts the whole dynamic of the conversation. More challenging, but also much more rewarding. Moves problems forward, builds more ownership within the teams you lead.

Less I, more We.

Ready for your leadership mindset shift? Schedule a free introduction call here: https://davidbuirs.com/contact/ and let’s chat.

Effective Meetings for New Managers

Your inbox is on fire, deadlines pile up, and then… a meeting invite. From someone senior. With no agenda.

If you’re trying to figure out how to run a meeting as a new manager, this scenario is all too familiar: 10 minutes of weather chat, a long intro, then a colleague who mistakes a “short update” for their personal TED Talk. Fifty-five minutes later, you feel like your soul has left your body.

Now, courageous leaders have two options:
Option A: Pretend to lose Wi-Fi—“I’m driving into a tunnel”—and vanish from the call. Bold, yes. Sustainable, no.
Option B: Show real leadership. Before the meeting: “What’s the exact goal of this meeting, so I can prepare and respect everyone’s time?” During the meeting, when talk drifts: “Quick observation—I think we’re off topic. Shall we return to the goal?”

The new managers I coach often start by saying, “I could never speak up like that.” But after practicing, they try it once and realize the room doesn’t bite back. Quite the opposite—people silently thank them for saving time.

Too many meetings drain energy. And have you ever heard of a company that had too few meetings? Me neither.

👉 If you want more tips on how to run a meeting as a new manager, check out my guide on running effective meetings: https://davidbuirs.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/How-To-Run-Effective-Meetings.pdf, or schedule a free introduction call here: https://calendly.com/davidbuirs/30-minute-call.

How to Handle Criticism at Work

How to handle criticism at work… It’s a question I often get. My reply: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹 𝗶𝘁?

Two people hear the same sentence from their boss. One feels judged. The other feels motivated. The words are identical. The reaction isn’t. Why?

Because the label, criticism or feedback, can’t be found in the words. It’s created in the mind of the receiver.

This is where the real power lies. You decide how much weight to give feedback. Some of it will be clumsy. Some will be unfair. Some will be pure gold. If you can sort, not absorb everything, you win. To take what serves you, and let the rest pass.

We often forget no one is perfect. Not you, not me, not the person giving feedback. We’re all trying our best, often imperfectly. Holding onto the illusion that you should look flawless makes feedback feel like a personal attack. Drop the illusion, and feedback becomes easier to hear.

Because in the end, the leaders who grow are not the ones who protect their image. They’re the ones who keep asking, “What can I learn here?” Over time, that choice changes everything.

Of course, this change doesn’t happen overnight. Curiosity is a muscle, and muscles strengthen slowly. So here’s an invitation: over the next five months, practice trading a little defensiveness for a little more curiosity each time feedback comes your way.

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟬 – 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲: “I don’t think that’s accurate.”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟭 – 𝟴𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟮𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I don’t really agree with that… but can you give me an example?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟮 – 𝟲𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟰𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That feels off to me. What do you see that makes you say it?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟯 – 𝟰𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟲𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “It’s hard to hear, though I think there may be truth in it. Can you tell me more?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟰 – 𝟮𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟴𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I hadn’t thought of it that way. What else are you noticing?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟱 – 𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That’s helpful. What’s one thing I could do differently next time?”

So…how to handle criticism at work? With curiosity.

Five months of practice might feel small now, but in five years, it could be the reason your career looks entirely different.

The Leadership Paradox: Why Bad Managers Don’t See Themselves That Way

If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.” The likely difference? Selfawareness for those managers.

The difference in impact between the two is huge.

What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?

Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.

If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.

Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.

So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.

Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”

Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.

I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.

With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.

→ What feedback during your time as manager has shaped your leadership the most?

Want to become better at leadership? Selfawareness for managers is the key. And it can be improved. Interested? Plan a free intake at www.davidbuirs.com/contact.

How to Handle Performance Reviews Without Losing Trust as a New Manager

Clammy hands. Lead in your shoes. A conversation you don’t want to have.

You feel your team member has been underperforming this year. You’ve been struggling with what to tell him. The rating you’re giving him means no salary increase. You know he disagrees and that the conversation might escalate.

You prepare for an unpleasant experience. Hoping for the best.

<<pause here>>

Performance reviews. Still used in many companies, and about as fun as getting a root canal.

But they don’t have to be.

What can help you make these conversations easier?

𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀.

Without these, it’s hard to fairly assess their performance, and explain your decision. 

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿.

There should be no surprises during a performance review conversation. It should be a high-level summary of all performance related conversations that year. Most of us postpone feedback because we fear confrontation. The reason? The incorrect assumption that giving feedback is a negative thing. It’s not. Giving constructive feedback is an essential part of your work, and necessary for your team to grow.

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱.

As a manager, some decisions, like who gets which raise or promotion, will piss of certain people. That’s why it’s so important to act with clarity and integrity, setting clear goals, and being able to explain your decisions.

People might get emotional, even angry. That’s okay. When that happens, give them some space to either vent or let it out. During heated moments, pause talking about the topic itself, address the emotions calmy, and continue with the topic when things have settled down.

Even if you do all these things, you still might have to deliver bad news (like no raises due to budget cuts). The better you can explain your team why, the easier the conversation. And the better you understand your management’s reasoning, the better you can pass on the message. Don’t be afraid to ask your manager all the questions you need in order to do this.

When done well, performance reviews mean your team knows what success looks like, how to get there, and how they’ll be rewarded.

How to Increase Employee Engagement?

Are you responsible for the happiness of your people?

You want to build a culture of engagement—
but urgent stuff keeps winning:

💥 Engagement pulse scores trending down
💥 Back-to-back vacancies in the same team
💥 A new HR tool rollout stealing all your time

Here’s the strategic move:
Invest in leadership.

Because most of these problems?
They start with managers who were never set up to lead well.

Now look at this chart 👇
Only 21% of employees are engaged globally.
But in best-practice organisations? That’s 70%.

What’s the difference?

It starts with leaders.
Managers who know how to have hard conversations.
Who drive performance and make people feel seen, safe and motivated.

Leadership development isn’t just an L&D initiative—
it’s a fire prevention system for HR. Curious what this could look like in your company?
DM me and let’s map it out.

How Important is Productivity in Leadership?

I had a coaching session recently that brought back something personal.
I used to lead with one priority: get things done. Task-first. No small talk. Just results.

“Blue/Red” on DISC, if you know it.
Back then, I saw work as a series of checklists. What mattered was getting through them as efficiently as possible.
But that mindset, left unchecked, costs more than it gives.

Because one day, I asked myself:
If I do this for 40 years—just execute, just produce—what’s left at the end?
A clean inbox?
We spend most of our waking life at work. If we don’t build relationships there—if we don’t create meaning—what are we really doing?

I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about squeezing every drop of output from your day.
It’s about being kind. Honest. Doing work that matters.

No one follows a checklist. They follow someone they believe in.
If you’re stuck in a perpetual “just get it done” mode, take a breath.
Then ask: what actually matters?

Kindness or Pleasing?

You helped, smiled, nodded… and walked away annoyed.
We’ve all done it.

When we please, we’re often hoping for something in return. Approval, respect, appreciation.
But when that return doesn’t come, we’re left feeling used, bitter, or just plain tired.

That’s because pleasing isn’t kindness.
It’s a quiet transaction, disguised as niceness.
And when it fails, the emotional cost is yours alone.

Kindness, by contrast, is clean. It gives without expectation, and feels lighter, not heavier.

In leadership, the difference isn’t academic.
One builds trust. The other erodes it silently.

Have you caught yourself doing the second, when you meant the first?

When Do You Become Too Self-critical?

“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?

There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:

Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.

We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”

But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.

🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.

It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.

Here’s what helps me reframe:

“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”

That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.

Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.