Addressing Recurring Performance Issues as a Manager.

David Buirs - Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Why won’t he just do it?

David Buirs is a leadership coach in Amsterdam for new managers with 0 to 4 years of experience. This article explains how to address recurring performance issues by first examining your own role before drawing conclusions about the employee. It covers the Golem effect, the right questions to ask as a manager, and when a Performance Improvement Plan is a fair and honest step.

There is someone on your team who has not been delivering for a while.

You have talked about it. Maybe twice. Things improve briefly, then slide back. The same mistakes. The same patterns. The same conversation on repeat.

At some point, the thought arrives: why won’t he just do it?

That feeling is understandable. And it is also exactly the moment things can go wrong.

The Golem effect: how your frustration makes the problem worse

In psychology, the Pygmalion effect describes how high expectations improve performance. Researchers Rosenthal and Jacobson demonstrated this in 1968. Teachers who believed certain students were high-potential saw those students genuinely improve, with no objective difference between them and their peers.

The Golem effect is the opposite. Low expectations lead to lower performance. Not because the person lacks motivation. But because your attitude shapes their behavior.

You ask fewer questions. You explain less. You check in with a slight impatience. You give more critical feedback and less encouragement. Without realizing it, you are sending a signal: I no longer believe you can do this.

And the other person feels it. People are finely tuned to how others perceive them.

The result: the employee pulls back. Takes less initiative. Makes more mistakes. And you see that as confirmation that you were right all along.

Frustration reinforces itself. A performance problem grows while you believe you are addressing it.

The question most managers skip

Before you ask anything of the employee, there is a different question to answer first.

What role have I played in this?

That is not self-blame. It is the most practical question you can ask. Because if you have contributed to the problem and do not address that, nothing changes.

Work through it honestly:

Have I clearly explained what I expect? Not in broad strokes, but concretely. What does success look like? When is something good enough?

Has this person received the right training and resources to actually do this job? Or am I assuming they already know?

Have I given regular, constructive feedback? Or do I only speak up when something goes wrong?

Have I asked how they see their own work? Do they even know I consider this a problem?

Have I asked what they think the reason is? They might see something you do not.

This is not doubt. It is just good management. You cannot change anything in someone else while there are still variables on your side you have not examined.

Curiosity as a tool

The trap of frustration is that you start explaining. You already have a theory. He does not care enough. She is not motivated. He is not cut out for this.

Curiosity asks something different. What is going on for this person? What makes this difficult? What do they need that they currently do not have?

That conversation is uncomfortable to start, especially when frustration has been building for weeks. It feels like walking in the wrong direction.

But it is exactly the conversation that matters. Not to let someone off the hook. But to understand what is actually happening.

Sometimes something personal is going on. Sometimes there is ambiguity you have allowed to persist. Sometimes the person has felt like they are failing for months and does not know how to say it.

And sometimes you discover that the intention is there, but the skill is not. That is very different from unwillingness. And it calls for a completely different response.

When curiosity is not enough

Say you have done all of this. You have clarified expectations. You have offered training. You have had the conversations. You have asked what they need.

And nothing changes.

Then there is an honest question you have to ask: does this person meet the minimum standard for this role?

That is not an attack. It is a professional reality. Every role has a floor. Below that floor, the team does not function, colleagues carry extra weight, and results are missed.

If someone is consistently below that floor, and you have genuinely tried, there is a next step.

The Performance Improvement Plan: a last resort, not a first reaction

A Performance Improvement Plan, or PIP, is a formal process. You document in writing what the expectations are, what the current situation is, and which specific goals need to be reached within a set timeframe. Usually three to six months.

The plan also describes what support you will provide. And what happens if the goals are not met.

A PIP is not a punishment and it is not a goodbye. It is a clearly structured opportunity. With agreed milestones, support, and consequences.

But it only works if the process is honest. If the expectations are realistic. If the support you commit to is real. And if you are using it to give someone a genuine chance, not to build a paper trail for dismissal.

Use a PIP only after months of conversations, feedback, and concrete attempts to improve the situation. Not as a first response to a problem you have not yet fully understood.

Addressing recurring performance issues as a manager starts with yourself. Not because you are always at fault, but because you are the only variable you can directly change.

That takes honesty. And sometimes a conversation you have been putting off.

If you want to work on how you handle situations like this, you can read more about business coaching for leaders or explore what a structured leadership track for your organization could look like. Interested or curious? Let’s chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

Why Don’t Our Managers Show Leadership?

Leadership & Executive Coach | David Buirs

Why Don’t Our Managers Show Leadership?

David Buirs is a leadership coach and trainer based in Amsterdam, specializing in managers with 0 to 4 years of experience. This article is written for HR managers and senior leaders who notice their managers are not leading effectively. It explains why this happens and what structural change actually looks like.

You see it every day. Managers who are present, but not really leading. Teams that bring every decision to you. Conflicts that never get resolved on the floor, but land on HR’s desk instead. Meetings without direction. People quietly disengaging, while nobody says a word.

It is tempting to think it is a motivation problem. That they simply do not want to lead. But that is almost never true.

Most managers genuinely want to lead. They just do not know how.

You promoted your best people

Most managers ended up in their role because they were exceptional at their job. The best developer became team lead. The top sales rep became sales manager. The sharpest analyst became department head.

That is a logical choice. And a costly one.

Being good at your craft has very little to do with being good at leading people. They are two fundamentally different skill sets. The first is about technical knowledge and personal output. The second is about people. About having conversations that feel uncomfortable. About setting direction without having all the answers. About building trust instead of doing everything yourself.

Most new managers never get properly taught that second skill set. They are thrown in at the deep end and expected to figure it out.

The forgetting curve beats the training

At some point, the organization sends them to a training. Two days at a conference hotel. A deck of slides. A handful of models with acronyms. And a satisfaction score that comfortably lands above an eight.

A week later, they work exactly the same as before.

This is not a lack of good intentions. It is neuroscience. The psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus showed in the nineteenth century that the brain forgets newly learned information rapidly without repetition. Within a week, most of it is gone. Within a month, almost nothing remains.

One-off trainings are not an investment in behavior change. They are an investment in the feeling that something is being done.

Knowledge is not the problem

Ask your managers what they should do when someone is underperforming. They can probably tell you. They know the steps. They know what a good conversation looks like.

But they do not have the conversation.

Because giving feedback is uncomfortable. Addressing a former colleague feels personal. The risk of damaging a working relationship outweighs the abstract knowledge that things would be better if they just said something.

Behavior change does not require more information. It requires practice. Repetition in a safe environment. Reflection on what worked and what did not. And guidance that lasts long enough for new habits to actually stick.

That is what most trainings are missing. Not the content. The architecture.

What actually works

Leadership develops over time, not in two days. That sounds obvious. But the implication is rarely taken seriously when designing a training program.

What works is a program that runs over several months. That connects to the manager’s day-to-day reality. That links theory to concrete situations on the floor. And that builds in space for reflection between sessions.

Not a program you roll out. A program you build around the specific challenges in your organization.

That is the core of my approach to in-company management training. Every program starts with one question: what needs to concretely change here? The design follows that question, not a standard catalogue.

The real question

Your managers are not showing leadership. Not because they do not want to. But because the organization promoted them without supporting the transition. And because the trainings that followed were too short to change anything that lasted.

That is fixable. But it requires looking further than a one-off intervention.

The question is not: how do we make sure our managers know what leadership is? The question is: how do we make sure they actually do it?

Curious whether a program like this fits what is happening in your organization? Let’s have an honest conversation about it. No sales pitch, just a good look at what is needed. Plan your free introduction here.

How to Have Hard Conversations as a Manager

David Buirs | Leadership & Executive Coach

How to Have Hard Conversations as a Manager

David Buirs is an ICF-certified leadership coach based in Amsterdam, specialising in managers with 0 to 4 years of experience. This article explains why new managers avoid difficult conversations and what actually helps them stop. It draws on CoActive coaching principles and over 10 years of practical leadership experience.

She described herself as “the caring type.” And she meant it.

Her team liked her. She was warm, approachable, the kind of manager people felt comfortable talking to.

But she had not had a real difficult conversation in almost two years.

Every time something needed to be said, she found a softer version. Or she waited. Or she told herself it was not that serious. Her team picked up on it. Some started pushing boundaries. Others quietly stopped coming to her for feedback, because they knew she would just be nice.

She was not avoiding those conversations because she was lazy. She was protecting a story about herself. “I am the empathetic one. That is who I am.”

The story you protect

Most managers have a version of this. It shows up in one of two ways.

You protect the “I am direct and clear” story. Which sometimes means avoiding warmth.

Or you protect the “I am the caring one” story. Which sometimes means avoiding honesty.

Both feel like a strength. And they are, up to a point. The problem is when the story starts making decisions for you.

You know that conversation needs to happen. But you also know it might make you look less empathetic. So you wait. Or you soften it until it says almost nothing.

Leaving something unsaid is also a choice. And it has consequences.

Why the frameworks do not do the work

There is no shortage of good models for how to have hard conversations as a manager.

Radical Candor. Non-Violent Communication. Psychological Safety. They are all built on the same idea: clarity and care are not opposites. You can be honest because you care about someone, not despite it.

Most managers who struggle with difficult conversations already know this. They have read the books. They have taken the training.

Knowing the model does not change much on its own. The real shift happens when you start seeing yourself as someone who can actually do both.

That is where most training stops short. It teaches the technique. It skips the identity part. For organisations that want to address this at scale, a leadership program built around real behaviour change tends to land very differently than a one-day workshop.

How to have hard conversations as a manager: start with who you are

The conversation does not start in the meeting room. It starts in how you see yourself.

If you are more on the empathetic side, that feedback you have been postponing is not a threat to who you are. It is an expression of it. You say something because you want this person to grow, to succeed, to not be blindsided six months from now.

If you are more on the direct side, naming a problem is something you already do well. The upgrade is in how you do it. You speak like you are talking to someone you genuinely want the best for.

In the leadership guidance I do with new managers, this is one of the most consistent patterns we work through together. Not “how do I say this.” But “who do I want to be when I say this.”

Once that shifts, the actual conversation tends to get much easier.

A practical place to start

Think of one conversation you have been putting off. There is probably one.

Before you plan what to say, ask yourself one question: what story about myself am I protecting by not having it?

That question alone tends to open something up.

Curious whether this is the right fit? Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

How to Climb the Corporate Ladder Without Losing Your Soul

Leiderschapscoach Amsterdam | David Buirs

How to Climb the Corporate Ladder. Without Losing Your Soul.

This article is written by David Buirs, leadership coach and trainer in Amsterdam, for managers in the first zero to four years of their career. It examines how to climb the corporate ladder without compromising your integrity or relationships. The reader learns what two forms of ambition lead to, which small trade-offs erode character over time, and what behavior genuinely distinguishes effective leaders.

At some point in your career, you’ll meet someone who got far by making other people’s lives harder. The question worth asking is: how did they get there?

And more uncomfortably: could that happen to you?

I’ve seen a pattern over and over. Both in my leadership career and in my work as a leadership coach.

It doesn’t start with bad intentions. It usually starts with pressure. A tough quarter. A reorg. A colleague throwing their hat in the ring for the same promotion.

And then, slowly, something starts to change.

They cancel 1-on-1s with their team because there’s a presentation to polish for the executive meeting. Just this once. Then it happens again. They start answering people above them within minutes, and leaving the people below them waiting for days. They get short with colleagues who need something but can’t offer anything in return. They walk past the receptionist without a word, but light up the moment a senior leader walks in.

They start performing importance. In how they talk. In how available they are, and to whom.

I’ve seen manipulation. I’ve seen bullying. And what strikes me most, every time, is that the person doing it isn’t evil. They’re scared. Scared of losing power, reputation, money. The things they’ve come to value above everything else.

Nobody decides to become that person. It just starts to feel like survival.

Two Ways to Climb the Corporate Ladder

Most of us run on a kind of autopilot when it comes to ambition. The brain picks a goal, “make Senior X,” “get the promotion,” “hit the number,” and chases it. When you get there, there’s a brief rush. Then the feeling fades, and the mind finds the next target. And on it goes.

There are basically two ways to move up the ladder.

One is driven by fear and ego: protecting status, chasing titles, accumulating money as proof of worth. The other is less obvious, but much more valuable: building a great career while doing good things for the people around you. Growing. Learning. Leaving people better than you found them.

Both can get you far. But they lead to very different places.

It’s worth pausing to ask: why do I want that promotion? Not the obvious answer. The real one.

What People Regret at the End

Bronnie Ware spent years working in palliative care, sitting with people in the last weeks of their lives. She wrote down what they told her. The regrets that kept coming up.

Nobody said: “I wish I’d made it to VP.”

What they said was: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.” “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” “I wish I’d let myself be happier.”

That last one stays with me. Let myself be happier. As if happiness was available all along, but something kept getting in the way.

In most cases, what got in the way was fear. Of not being enough. Of losing what they’d built. Of what people would think.

How You Lose Your Soul. One Small Trade-Off at a Time.

It doesn’t happen in one dramatic moment.

You stay quiet in a meeting when you witness unkind behavior and should have said something. You take the credit because the opportunity was there. You cancel the 1-on-1s to prepare a presentation that makes you look good upstairs. You ignore requests for help that have nothing in it for you. You tell yourself you’ll be different when you get to the next level.

And then you get there. And you’re not different. You’re just busier.

What Actually Works

A few things that consistently don’t work:

Taking credit for other people’s work. It can get you ahead short term. You’ll make enemies who have long memories.

Being warm to the people above you and cold to everyone else. People notice. They always notice.

Withholding information to protect your position. It might feel smart. It erodes trust in ways that are very hard to rebuild.

What does work:

Ask for feedback. Often. From different people. Research suggests around 95% of us believe we’re self-aware. The actual number is closer to 10 to 15%. Your blind spots are probably not a secret to the people around you.

Get specific with your manager about what success looks like in their eyes. A real conversation: what would make you say WOW at the end of this year?

Be proactive. Spot problems. Suggest solutions. Just be careful not to go around your manager to do it. As Robert Greene once wrote: never outshine the master.

The Trap of the First Few Years

Most managers I work with are newly promoted. Zero to four years in the role.

In that period, the temptation is strong to prove you deserve it. By working harder than everyone else. By knowing more. By being visible.

But the shift from expert to leader asks for something different. Doing less. Enabling more. Giving fewer answers. Asking better questions.

Those who learn that early grow faster than those who spend years trying to remain the best individual contributor. That’s exactly where good leadership training makes a difference. Not as a one-off event, but as a structured process that builds lasting behavioral change.

One Question Before You Go

Think of someone you genuinely admire. Someone who got really far. And who somehow stayed warm, stayed real. Someone you’d just call, simply: a good person.

You probably have someone in mind right now.

Ask yourself what it is about them that makes you think of them that way.

I’d be willing to bet it has nothing to do with their title.

This is one of the things I work on with managers in 1-on-1 leadership coaching. Not just how to perform better. But who you want to be while you’re doing it.

Curious whether this resonates with where you are right now? Let’s find out. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

How to Build a Leadership Pipeline Internally (Before You Need One)

David Buirs | Leadership & Executive Coach

How to Build a Leadership Pipeline Internally (Before You Need One)

David Buirs is a leadership coach and management trainer based in Amsterdam. This article explains how to recognise and develop leadership potential within your team, why doing so also strengthens your own career as a manager, and which pitfalls to avoid. Written for managers with 0 to 4 years of leadership experience.

Two years of solid work. One question you weren't ready for. The promotion goes to someone else.

It happens more than people talk about.

And the strange part is, it had nothing to do with your performance. Your work was good. Your manager knew it. But when they asked who would take over your team, there was no one ready.

So the timing wasn't right. Maybe next time.

No one told you that building a leadership pipeline internally is also building your own career.

So here's what that can look like in practice.

What You're Actually Looking For

Start thinking about one or two people on your team who might have the instincts for it. And "it" here doesn't mean the best technical skills.

It means the human stuff.

Can they communicate when things get uncomfortable? Do they pull people together or pull away? Do others feel good after a conversation with them? Does the energy in the room go up a little when they're in it?

Connection. Teamwork. A positive influence on morale. The ability to motivate someone on a bad day.

That's what you're actually looking for when you want to develop leadership potential from within.

What Happens When You Start Investing in Them

When you start investing in those people, you'll see the results fairly quickly.

You have someone capable covering the team when you're on holiday. Someone you can genuinely delegate to when you're stretched. And people who feel developed tend to grow faster, stay longer, and enjoy their work more.

That last part is easy to underestimate.

This is exactly the kind of work I support managers with through management training. Helping teams develop from the inside out, rather than relying on external hires every time a leadership gap opens up.

One Thing Worth Keeping in Mind

If you're thinking about more than one candidate, be careful with how that lands in the team.

The moment people sense a competition, things get complicated. Building a leadership pipeline internally should feel like growth. Not a race.

The Bigger Picture

The technical side of leadership is changing fast. AI is taking on more of that work every year. What teams will need from their managers going forward is the part that can't be automated. Coaching. Real listening. Clear communication.

The managers who are already developing these qualities in their people — and in themselves — will be the ones who are ready when the next opportunity opens up.

If you're early in your leadership journey and want to work on this, leadership coaching is one way to get there with more clarity and less guesswork.

Unless you started your role only months ago, take a few minutes to think about this today.

When a senior role opens up, you'll have an answer ready this time.

Interested or curious? Let's chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

Faster promotions for new manager: Impact over theater

Leiderschapscoach Amsterdam | David Buirs

This article contrasts political games with genuine impact as a strategy for promotion. It highlights the Power Paradox and the Peter Principle for new managers. Four concrete tips provide a path for sustainable growth through personal development and feedback.

Everyone wants to move up. You just became a manager and you are already looking at the next step. VP. Director. Climbing the ladder. That is normal. Ambition is fuel. However, there are two ways to get faster promotions for new manager. One works in the short term but leaves you empty. The other might take a bit longer, but it makes you a better leader.

The Fast (But Empty) Route

You know them. The managers who know exactly when the director walks by. Who are always in the right meetings. Who slime their way up by saying exactly what the boss wants to hear. Corporate politics. Visibility over impact. Talking about results instead of actually achieving them. Does it work? Yes, sometimes. You can become a VP that way. Maybe even quickly. And then? Then you have a title. But no respect. No team that truly has your back. No feeling that you are building something meaningful. You wake up as a VP and feel empty. Because deep down you know: you didn’t make the impact you were capable of. You just played the game better.

The Power Paradox

Psychologist Dacher Keltner discovered something interesting. People often rise to power through traits like empathy, collaboration, and helping others. But once they have that power, they lose those exact traits. They become more selfish. Less empathetic. More focused on themselves. And then they start losing that power. That is the paradox. The qualities that get you to the top are not the same ones you use once you are there. Unless you pay attention to it, for example through leadership coaching.

The Better Route: Focus on Impact

Here is another way to get ahead. Become obsessively good in your current role. Don’t play politics. Ask yourself this question instead: what positive impact can I make on the people around me? On your team. On other departments. On your boss. On clients. If you get promoted? Great. Bigger role, bigger impact. If it takes longer? You are already doing work that matters. You are building something. You are developing people. You are making things better. This approach might feel slower. But in the end, you go further. With more respect, more impact, and a team that actually supports you.

4 Tips to Grow Faster (The Right Way)

  1. Ask Your Manager What Success Looks Like
    Most new managers guess what their boss finds important. And they usually guess wrong. Just ask. “What would success look like for me in six months? What should I focus on?” And also: “How do you want me to communicate with you? Weekly updates? Only when there are problems? How often do you want to speak?” This sounds basic. Yet most managers don’t do it. They assume they know. And waste energy on things their boss doesn’t even see.
  2. Ask for Constant Feedback
    Many managers wait for their annual review. Too late. Ask someone every week: “How am I doing? Where can I improve?” Ask your boss. Your team. Colleagues. Even people outside your department. This also protects you against the Peter Principle. People get promoted to their level of incompetence. They were good in their previous role, so they get a new one. One they are less good at. And they get stuck there. Feedback helps you keep growing instead of stagnating.
  3. Spend 1-2 Hours Per Week on Personal Development
    This is where most managers fail. They are too busy. Too many meetings. Putting out too many fires. So they spend no time on learning. On reflecting. On consciously getting better. Here is the secret. Few managers do this. If you do it, you have a huge advantage over your competition. 1-2 hours a week. That is it. Read a book on leadership. Take a solid management training. Reflect on what went well and what didn’t. Write down what you learn. Managers who do this grow faster. Not because they play politics, but because they objectively become better.
  4. Make Other People Successful
    Do you want to move up? Help your team grow. Help other departments succeed. Make your boss successful. When you make people around you better, it comes back to you. Not always immediately. But it returns. And when you grow into a larger role, people follow you. Because they know you care about their success, not just your own promotion.

Where Do You Focus?

You can take the fast route. Play politics. Be visible. Slime up. Or you can focus on impact. On meaningful work. On helping people grow. Both can get you a promotion. Only one lets you wake up with the feeling that you are building something that matters. Getting faster promotions for new manager starts with the question: do you want a title, or do you want to be a leader people want to follow?

Interested or curious? Let’s chat! Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

How to Influence Without Authority as an Early-Career Manager

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Influence Without Authority: What Most New Managers Get Wrong

David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with new and early-career managers. This article explains why influence at work functions like a currency that must be built before it can be spent, drawing on research by Adam Grant on reciprocity and giving at work. Readers learn how to build credibility, frame requests effectively, and create real organizational impact without relying on positional authority.

You send the message. You follow up. You get a polite non-answer.

Your title is real. Your influence is not there yet. And those are two very different things.

This is the gap nobody prepares you for when you step into a leadership role. The people around you, your team, other departments, senior stakeholders, none of them owe you cooperation. Not yet. You have to earn the right to move them.

That sounds harsh. It is also just how trust works between humans.

Influence is a currency

Think of it that way. Not as a switch you flip when you get promoted. As a bank account.

You can only spend what you have already deposited. When you walk into a new role, your balance is close to zero.

Most new managers don't realize this. They assume the title carries weight. So they start making requests before they've built anything. They ask Marketing to reprioritize. They tell Engineering what needs to happen by Friday. They give feedback their team didn't ask for and isn't ready to hear.

Then they wonder why nothing moves.

Organizational psychologist Adam Grant spent years studying how people build influence at work. His research found something counterintuitive. The most generous people in an organization tend to accumulate the most influence over time. Not because generosity is a tactic. Because people remember who made their work easier. You can read more about the underlying research in Grant's work on givers, takers, and how influence actually spreads through organizations.

The managers who try to extract cooperation before building trust get compliance at best. They get teams that do the minimum. They get departments that route around them.

The deposits come first

Before you think about asking for anything, think about what you're putting in.

Make other people look good. Give credit publicly when your team delivers. Loop in someone's manager when a cross-team project goes well. Offer to take the first draft off someone's plate. These are small moves. Over months, they build a reputation that precedes you.

Build relationships before you need them. This sounds obvious. Most managers skip it anyway. They're too busy. They'll connect later. Then they show up when they need something, and they're a stranger making a demand.

If you invest in relationships when nothing is at stake, you stop being a stranger. That changes everything when something is at stake.

This applies to your own team too. If the only time you talk to someone is in a one-on-one or when you need something, they feel it. You become transactional. People do the minimum for transactional managers.

How to make requests that actually land

Once you've built something, you can start spending it. But even then, how you ask matters.

Everyone around you is listening to the same internal station: What's In It For Me. When you make a request, they're not thinking about your deadline. They're thinking about their own priorities, their manager, their reputation.

So frame your ask around them.

To a team member: not "I need you to finish this by Friday." Try: "Delivering this on time will get you visibility with leadership."

To another department: not "Can you prioritize our request?" Try: "This feature is what enterprise customers keep mentioning. Moving it up puts your team in a strong position for the Q3 review."

You're not manipulating anyone. You're doing the work of connecting your need to their reality. Most people skip that step.

Ask questions you actually want answered

There's a difference between asking a question and genuinely wanting the answer.

When you ask "what would it take to get this done this week?" and you actually listen, something changes. You learn about constraints you didn't know existed. You find room for compromise. The other person starts to feel like a collaborator, not an obstacle.

Even with your own team, questions tend to get more commitment than instructions. "How do you think we should approach this?" creates ownership. "Here's what we're doing" creates compliance, if you're lucky.

To other departments: not "We need this by Friday." Try: "Friday is our ideal timeline. What's realistic on your end?"

Questions get you information. And they make people feel heard. Both matter more than most managers expect.

Connect it to something bigger than your deadline

People tune out when you talk about your project's timeline. They pay attention when you connect it to what actually matters.

To your team: not "we need to hit this deadline." Try: "Leadership is watching this project. Delivering well shows we can execute under pressure."

To other departments: not "we need this next quarter." Try: "The company is pushing into enterprise. This feature keeps coming up in those conversations."

People want to work on things that matter. Showing them why your thing matters is not spin. It is leadership.

This feels slow. That's the point.

Building influence the right way takes months. That can feel frustrating when you're already underwater.

But the alternative is faster and it doesn't work. Managers who lean on positional authority before they've built trust get teams that do the minimum and departments that work around them.

The managers who figure this out get things done across the whole organization. Long after anyone has stopped counting who owes whom what.

This is one of the first things we look at together in business coaching for leaders. At a more senior level, in executive coaching, the same dynamics apply. The stakes are just higher and the political landscape is more complex.

For organizations that want to build this capability across an entire management layer, a structured leadership track is often a more scalable way to get there.

Where to start

Pick one person you need something from this month. Before you ask, figure out what they actually care about. Frame your request around that. Connect it to something the company is working toward. Then ask a real question and listen to the answer.

That's it. Start there.

Curious what this looks like for your specific situation? Plan a free introduction here. Zero obligation.

Dealing with Unrealistic Expectations as Manager

David Buirs | Leadership & Executive Coach

Dealing With Unrealistic Expectations as a Manager

David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with managers and leaders at all levels on dealing with unrealistic expectations at work. This article helps leaders distinguish between demands that are structurally unreasonable and situations where they themselves are the bottleneck. Practical conversation scripts and prioritization strategies make the difference concrete.

Your calendar is full. The expectations are high. And no matter how hard you work, it never feels like enough.

This does not go away with more experience. Many of the leaders I work with are in the same bind after ten years as they were in their first management role. The pressure shifts. The expectations grow. But the feeling stays the same.

Dealing with unrealistic expectations as a manager is one of the most underestimated challenges in any leadership role.

The pressure exists at every level

As a leader, you get pulled from both sides.

Your team needs you. They need decisions, direction, and someone who shows up when things get complicated.

Your own manager, your director, or your board wants results. Progress. Proof that your approach is working. Organizations regularly skip essential management training, assuming their leaders can simply handle the pressure.

And you stand in between. Trying to do right by everyone at once.

Is it unrealistic, or are you the bottleneck?

This is the question most leaders avoid. Because the answer is sometimes uncomfortable.

The expectations may be unrealistic if:

  • You do not have the resources that other teams or leaders at your level have.
  • Timelines ignore dependencies that are outside your control.
  • Your team is understaffed or structurally under-resourced.
  • You are being asked to fix problems that existed long before you took the role.

You may be the bottleneck if:

  • You are constantly busy but rarely finish anything strategic.
  • You are doing work your team could handle.
  • You have not delegated anything meaningful in the past month.
  • You keep postponing difficult conversations because they feel uncomfortable.

Both can be true at the same time. The expectations can be too high and you can still work more effectively. Getting clear on that distinction before you have the conversation makes a real difference.

How do you talk to your manager about this?

This is the conversation most people avoid. You do not want to come across as weak. You do not want to make excuses. You want to figure it out yourself.

But staying quiet does not solve anything. Start from what you want to achieve, not from what is going wrong.

A script that works: “I want to talk about priorities. I want to make sure I am focused on what matters most to you this quarter. Can we align on what success looks like for me right now?”

You are not saying “this is too much.” You are saying “I want to do this well. Help me understand what that means.”

Then get specific: “Right now I am juggling three major things. If X is the priority, I want to make sure I have the space to do it properly. That might mean Y moves back, or we organize Z differently. What makes the most sense to you?”

You show that you understand the trade-offs. You are managing expectations, not complaining.

What you negotiate, and what you just do

Pick your battles when dealing with unrealistic expectations as a manager.

Do not negotiate on:

  • Being present for your team when it counts.
  • Following through on commitments you have made.
  • Taking responsibility for the outcomes of your team.

Do negotiate on:

  • Timelines that ignore reality.
  • Taking on new projects when your plate is already full.
  • Work your team can handle but you are still doing yourself.
  • Meetings where your presence adds little.

When the problem is you

Sometimes the expectations are not unrealistic. You are just not leading as effectively as you could be.

Signs that might be the case:

  • You are the only one who can make certain decisions, even small ones.
  • Your team waits for you instead of acting independently.
  • You keep putting off difficult conversations, hoping things improve on their own.
  • Your agenda is filled by others, not by you.

If this sounds familiar, leadership coaching is often a logical next step. Not because something is wrong, but because getting an outside perspective is how good leaders keep getting better.

It takes honesty to see this in yourself. But it is fixable.

Control starts with an honest picture

Leaders who handle high expectations well do not have less pressure than you. They have a clearer picture of what they can take on, what they delegate, and where they say no.

That clarity does not come automatically. It takes reflection. Sometimes it takes someone holding up a mirror.

But it starts with being willing to ask the question: is this unrealistic, or am I?

Start here

This week:

  1. Write down what you think your manager or leadership team expects from you. Concrete, not vague.
  2. Schedule a conversation to check whether you are right.
  3. Identify one thing you need, clarity, space, or resources, and ask for it directly.

You do not have to carry the pressure alone. You do need to understand it.

Interested or curious? Let’s chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.