Promoting your best employee: a costly mistake

David Buirs - Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Promoting your best employee: the most costly mistake in your organisation

David Buirs is a leadership coach and trainer based in Amsterdam, working with managers and leaders at all levels. This article explains why promoting your best individual contributor into a management role is one of the most common and costly mistakes in talent management. The reader learns which behavioural signals actually indicate leadership potential and how to start developing it early.

You have a standout in your team. Everything they touch works. Deadlines met, quality consistent, output reliable. Colleagues come to them for advice.

And then the thought forms: if they are this good as an individual contributor, they will make a great manager.

It is the most common mistake in talent management.

What happens next

Your best employee becomes a manager. And struggles.

Not because they are not smart or not motivated. But because the skills that made them excellent as an individual contributor have little to do with what is needed to lead a team.

As an individual contributor, you win by being better than others. As a manager, you win by making others better. Those are two fundamentally different disciplines.

And in the process, you also lose your best executor. They are now stuck in back-to-back meetings, having performance conversations they were never trained for, putting out fires they do not fully understand. The work that gave them energy is gone.

Technical excellence says nothing about leadership potential

This sounds obvious. And yet most organisations keep acting as if it is not true.

Leadership potential does not live in technical expertise. It lives in behaviour. In how someone communicates when things get tense. In how someone responds when a colleague pushes back. In whether people actually enjoy working with them, even when they are delivering difficult news.

Does someone ask questions or give answers? Do they seek connection or avoid conflict? Can they regulate themselves when the pressure builds?

Those are the indicators.

The question that rarely gets asked

Do I want the people on this team to be led by this person?

Not: are they good at their job? But: do people feel safe, heard and challenged by them?

That information does not live in performance files. It lives in the informal dynamics of the team. In who people instinctively turn to when a conversation gets difficult. In who makes sure the quieter colleague actually speaks up in a meeting.

Give potential a small assignment first

Do not promote based on performance. Test for potential.

Give someone a small stretch assignment. Have them mentor an intern. Onboard a junior team member. Coordinate a project without you hovering over it.

Then do not evaluate the outcome. Evaluate the behaviour. How do they handle someone who works more slowly? How do they respond when things go off track? Do they ask for help or push through until it breaks?

That tells you more than three years of performance reviews.

Make it explicit in your organisation

Say it out loud: leadership is a separate discipline. Technical ability and management capability are not the same thing.

Then tell people what you are looking for. Not in vague competency frameworks, but concretely. What does a good manager do at your organisation? How does someone behave in a conflict? What do you expect from someone who is developing others?

When people know what you are watching for, they start paying attention to it themselves. That is already a development intervention.

And when someone does have the potential?

Then the real work begins.

Potential that is not supported rarely delivers what it promises. A manager without structured guidance makes the mistakes you end up solving. With the accompanying absence, turnover and team friction.

For organisations that want to tackle this structurally, an in-company leadership development program built around your specific context makes the difference. Not a one-day event, but a trajectory with the repetition and transfer that real behaviour change requires.

For managers who want to work on this individually, I offer coaching for managers at every level, from the newly promoted team lead to the senior leader who wants to lead more deliberately on culture, trust and results.

Curious what this looks like for your organisation or your own role? Let's talk. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

Coaching for Directors

David Buirs - Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

The higher you rise, the less you hear

David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with directors, executives and CEOs on personal leadership development. This article explains why senior leaders receive less feedback the higher they rise, how that affects the entire organisation, and what coaching for directors and executives concretely delivers. References include research by KornFerry/Hay Group and a study published in the Journal of Management Development.

You made it. You are a director now.

Years of hard work, strong results, and now you are at the top. The responsibility is bigger. The decisions are heavier. And the number of people who will tell you honestly what they think of your leadership: smaller than ever before.

That is a paradox most directors, executives and CEOs never say out loud. But almost all of them recognise it immediately.

A fish rots from the head

There is a saying I find uncomfortable. Because it is so precisely true.

"A fish starts rotting from the head."

When leadership at the top is not working well, that spreads through the entire organisation. Not overnight. But slowly, your behaviour, your tone, and your blind spots seep into the culture of everything beneath you.

In how people treat each other. In whether they dare to say what they actually think. In whether they take ownership or wait for you to decide.

That is a significant responsibility. And it asks something of you: the willingness to take yourself seriously as a leader. Not as a subject-matter expert. As the person who sets the tone for everything around you.

The higher you rise, the less feedback you receive

In 1969, Laurence Peter described a phenomenon now known as the Peter Principle. The idea is straightforward. People are promoted based on their performance in their current role. Until they reach a position where those earlier qualities are no longer sufficient.

Many directors became directors because they excelled as managers, as experts, as strategists. Not because they had already proven themselves at the very top of an organisation.

And at that level, honest feedback dries up.

Employees keep their real opinions to themselves. Peer directors are also competitors. The board wants results. And the question "am I actually doing this well?" becomes harder and harder to ask out loud.

That is not a sign of weakness. It is the structural reality of senior leadership.

But without a mirror, you do not grow. And if you as a director stop growing, the organisation stops growing with you.

The loneliness nobody talks about

One of the things I hear most from the directors I work with is how lonely it can be. Not socially. Professionally.

There is nobody you can call without a filter to say you are doubting yourself. Nobody who challenges you the way you needed to be challenged earlier in your career. Nobody to think out loud with about the question that has been on your mind for three weeks.

You carry enormous responsibility. For people, for results, for the direction of the organisation. And most evenings, you carry it alone.

Coaching for directors, executives and CEOs offers exactly that: a conversation with someone who speaks the language. Someone who knows what it feels like to work under high pressure, to navigate politics, and to sometimes simply not know what the right call is.

What the research shows

KornFerry and Hay Group conducted extensive research into the relationship between leadership and business results. Their conclusion: leadership determines 50 to 60 percent of organisational culture, and has a measurable influence of approximately 35 percent on business results.

That is not a soft finding. That is strategy.

And yet coaching for directors is still an afterthought in many organisations. Something for when things go wrong. Not something built in structurally, the way finance or marketing is.

A study published in the Journal of Management Development looked at the impact of leadership coaching on 75 middle and senior managers. The outcome was clear: coaching led to more individual attention for team members, more delegation, and less micromanagement.

Those are precisely the behavioural shifts that ripple through an entire organisation. From director to team member.

I know what it feels like

I spent five years leading a large international team as a director. I know the reality of senior leadership from the inside.

The moments when you doubt yourself but cannot call anyone. The decisions you are not sure about. The meetings where the atmosphere is off but you have not yet figured out how to turn it around.

That experience is not a side note in how I work. It is the foundation.

When we work together on executive coaching, I bring that with me. No theoretical models that read like a management book. An honest conversation about what is actually going on, and what you need to sharpen your leadership.

For organisations that want to work more broadly on leadership development across their management layers, management training is a complement that works deeper into the organisation.

When does coaching for directors make sense?

Not only when things are going wrong.

Coaching makes sense when you feel there is more you could get out of your role. When certain conversations keep getting harder. When your team is not taking the ownership you expect from them. When you notice you are spending more time solving problems than giving direction.

And sometimes it is simply this: you need someone you can be honest with.

That is allowed. That is smart.

Interested, or just curious whether there is a fit? Plan a free introductory call via this page. No sales pitch. Just an honest conversation about what is going on.

Managing a Negative Employee as a Manager: What Works

David Buirs | Leadership Expert

Managing a Negative Employee as a Manager

David Buirs is a leadership coach based in Amsterdam who works with managers and leaders at all levels on handling negativity within their teams. This article helps distinguish between temporary frustration and damaging patterns, and explains why the manager’s own mindset is often the deciding factor in how the conversation goes. Practical scripts make clear how to step in without escalation.

Someone on your team is negative. Every meeting, they have a complaint. Every decision gets an eye roll. Every new initiative gets a “yeah, but…”

Do you say something? Ignore it? You do not want to shut people down, but you also cannot pretend this is not happening.

Managing a negative employee as a manager is not optional. It is part of the role.

Why managers wait

Most managers see it and do nothing. You worry about making it worse. You worry they will get defensive. You worry it will look like you cannot handle feedback.

So you wait. And hope it gets better.

It will not.

The oil stain effect

One person starts complaining. Then someone else joins in. Before long, half your team is focused on what is wrong instead of what is possible.

Negativity spreads. Meetings turn into complaint sessions. Good ideas get shot down before they get a chance.

That said, negativity is sometimes useful feedback wrapped in frustration. Your job is figuring out which one you are dealing with. That is exactly what leadership coaching helps managers work through.

Is this a bad day or a pattern?

Watch for a bit. Is this person having a rough week, or is this who they are every day?

One bad day does not make someone negative. Even a bad week does not. People get frustrated. That is normal and human.

But if it has been three weeks and every conversation is negative, you have a pattern. Patterns do not fix themselves. The longer you wait, the harder the conversation gets.

When to step in

Step in when the behavior is a pattern and not a one-off, when it is affecting other people on the team, and when it is about attitude rather than legitimate concerns about a specific problem.

Let it go when someone is having a bad day, when they are raising valid concerns even if the tone is not perfect, or when the criticism is aimed at a problem and not at people.

The difference: “This process is broken because X” is feedback. “Everything here is terrible” is negativity.

Start with yourself, not with them

Here is something most people do not say out loud: before you go into the conversation, it matters to be honest about your own state of mind.

If you have been irritated by this person for weeks, you may barely notice it anymore. But the irritation is there. And it leaks. In how you look at them. In a silence that runs just a beat too long. In a tone that sounds just a little too flat.

People pick up on that. Especially people who are already on edge.

If you walk in with a hidden verdict, “this person is just difficult,” they feel it. And the conversation becomes a confirmation of what they already suspected: that you have already made up your mind about them.

Try seeing the behavior as a puzzle you want to understand, not a problem you want to get rid of. What makes someone react this way? What has this behavior gotten them in the past? What does it say about what they need?

That shift, from judgment to genuine curiosity, changes everything about how the conversation goes. You might ask the same questions. But you mean them differently. And they feel that.

How to have the first conversation

Pull them aside privately. A casual conversation, no formal setting.

“Hey, I’ve noticed you seem frustrated lately. Is everything okay? Is there something I can help with?”

No accusations. No “you’re being negative.” Just genuine curiosity. And that last part is not a technique. You have to mean it. If you are internally thinking “I’m doing this because I have to,” that is exactly what comes across.

Real curiosity opens things up in a way no script can. Maybe there is something going on you did not know about. Listen. Do not defend yourself or explain anything. Just hear them out.

If there is a real issue underneath, work on it together. “What would make this better?” Now you are solving something, not managing an attitude.

If nothing changes

Sometimes the gentle approach does not work. They seemed better for a day. Then they slipped back into the same behavior.

This is when you set a boundary.

“We talked last week and I thought we’d made some progress. But I’m still hearing a lot of negativity in meetings. I need to be direct: this is affecting the team. When Sarah suggested the new process yesterday, you immediately said it would not work without hearing her out. That makes it harder for everyone to stay focused.”

Be specific. Not “you’re always negative,” but a concrete example of when and what.

Then: “I want to support you, but I also need this to change. What do you need from me to make that happen?”

You are still supportive. But you are making it clear this cannot continue.

Your team is watching

Your team is paying attention to how you handle this. It is a core part of what organizations build through management training: protecting the culture of the team. That matters more than being liked.

Let negativity run unchecked and people learn that complaining is fine. Shut down all criticism and they learn to never speak up again.

Managing a negative employee as a manager is really managing the culture of your whole team. Handle it well and everyone benefits. Avoid it and everyone pays the price.

What to do this week

If you have someone who is consistently negative:

  1. Decide whether this is a pattern or a rough stretch.
  2. Ask yourself honestly: have I already passed judgment? If so, set that aside first.
  3. Schedule a casual one-on-one. No agenda, no formal tone.
  4. Start with genuine curiosity: “I’ve noticed you seem frustrated. What’s going on?”
  5. If nothing changes after two weeks, have the boundary conversation with a specific example ready.

Your team needs someone willing to have uncomfortable conversations when it counts. And who goes into them wanting to understand, not just to correct.

Interested or curious? Let’s chat. Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

How To Feel More Empathy at Work

David Buirs Leadership Coach

The first thing I do in the morning?
Wish total strangers a happy life.

The challenge? Doing it before coffee. ☕😊

This is part of a Loving Kindness meditation (also called Metta). And it has some incredible benefits:
✔ Increases empathy & emotional intelligence
✔ Boosts happiness & reduces stress
✔ Strengthens your ability to deal with difficult people

It’s simple. Here’s how:
1️⃣ Close your eyes. Picture someone you love. Wish them happiness & health. (2 min)
2️⃣ Do the same for someone you like.
3️⃣ Now, visualize someone neutral—like a cashier who helped you.
4️⃣ Picture yourself. Yes, you deserve kindness too.
5️⃣ Think of someone you find difficult. Wish them well.
6️⃣ Finally, choose someone you really dislike. Wish them happiness, too.

Wait—why would you do that?
Not because you condone bad behavior, but because it rewires your brain for more emotional balance.

It might feel weird at first. But over time, it softens frustration and strengthens your ability to lead with compassion.

Would you ever try this? Or does it sound too out there for you? 👀

Reduce Time Spent On Your Phone And Reclaim Your Focus And Productivity

Our greatest fear? Not nuclear apocalypse or robot overlords, but something 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 horrifying: surviving two hours phone-free.

So, challenge accepted – last Sunday I ventured into the unknown at a Digital Detox event organized by The Offline Club in Amsterdam – kudos to Ilya Kneppelhout for hosting it.

The rules were simple: surrender your phone at the door and engage in some old school, wholesome activities like reading, face-to-face conversations, board games or even (😱) writing.

No scrolling, no notifications, and no social media. The effects? I came out feeling recharged and connected.

The truth is, we’re all phone addicts. Look around any bus or train—every face is lit up by the glow of a screen, lost in a digital world, starving for genuine connection but endlessly scrolling social media.

We need our phones and it’s hard to live without social media – I’m writing this on a social platform – but most of us feel we’ve become 𝘵𝘰𝘰 dependent on them.

It’s a tough battle: apps are designed to be addictive, success being measured in time spent on the app. A 2023 University of Michigan study even shows teens get an average 240 (!) phone notifications every day.

The impact on your brain? Increased stress, anxiety, and less ability to focus – both at work and in our private lives.

What can you do?
– Turn off notifications
– Set time-limits on apps
– When in conversation, keep phones from the table
– Create phone-free rooms (bedroom) or moments (lunch, dinner)
– Use the grayscale mode on your phone (for iPhone – Settings – Accessibility – Display Text & Size – Color Filters)

After I came home I discovered I forgot something: my phone, which was still in the box. To me, that’s a successful event. 😀

This week, I’m committing to one hour daily of digital silence. 📵

Which brave souls are joining me? 💪

Make Your Meetings Great – And Save Time And Energy

Ever wondered why your meetings rarely end before their scheduled end time?

*𝗦𝘂𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲*

*𝗗𝗿𝘂𝗺-𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹*

Most of us love to talk!

Ok, that probably didn’t come as a surprise.

While talking builds connection, having days full of long calls depletes our energy.

And we’re all busy, sometimes overworked.

We spend so much time in calls,
calls that don’t end when they served their purpose.

They end when the time is up. Or after.

Then we rush to the next one, skipping lunch, feeling stressed.

How can we do this better?

As a team, take ownership of your time and productivity, together.

I created a team agreement for you that can help you.

Give it a try. Let me know how many free hours you gained this month!

See -Free Downloads – for the document.