How To Deal With Anger At Work

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต’๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ?

When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.

Today, I practice a different response: ๐—ฐ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐˜†.

Anger can feel like an attack, but itโ€™s rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purposeโ€”conscious or not.

People get angry because theyโ€™re trying to achieve something.

โ€ข Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
โ€ข Maybe theyโ€™re trying to control the situation.
โ€ข Maybe theyโ€™re protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.

Hereโ€™s the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:

โ–ช๏ธ ๐—œ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€-๐—น๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—บ๐—ฝ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฎ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฐ๐—ต.
Does the person yell at them? Noโ€”because their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.

โ–ช๏ธ ๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ธ ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ฎ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐˜€ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ.
Do most people explode with anger? Noโ€”because their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.

If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they donโ€™t.
๐—”๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜„๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ธ ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ ๐˜‚๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐—น.

The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.

Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜โ€™๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ?

Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?

This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.

๐—ฅ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. Itโ€™s also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.

This doesnโ€™t mean tolerating bad behaviorโ€”boundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.

So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:

๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜โ€™๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐—น?

Youโ€™ll be surprised how much clarityโ€”and calmโ€”you gain.

Other People’s Opinion of You… Theirs or Yours?

You know that team member that thinks you lack the experience?

Or the colleague that thinks your meeting contributions donโ€™t add value?

It stings, doesnโ€™t it?

Now, consider this..

Deep down, thereโ€™s a good chance you believe these things about yourself              .

We often project our own hidden insecurities onto others.
We assume they see the worst in us because we do.
And when someoneโ€™s behavior even faintly matches our fear, it feels like confirmation.

For example:
Imagine someone who secretly believes theyโ€™re unworthy of love.
They might think others dislike them, avoid them, or find them boring.
To compensate, they become people pleasersโ€”saying yes to everything, constantly seeking approval.

And when someone cancels plans or rejects their offer to help?
It cuts deep.
Not because of the action itself, but because it echoes that hidden belief:
Iโ€™m not worthy.

Now, think about this:
If someone insulted your blue hair but you didnโ€™t have blue hair, you couldnโ€™t care less.
It wouldnโ€™t resonate.
But when a comment mirrors your own fears? It hurts.

So, how can we break this cycle?

The next time you think, โ€œThey must believe this about me,โ€ pause.
Ask yourself: Could this be something I believe about myself?

Instead of being upset with them, turn inward.

Reflect:

  • Do I truly believe this about myself?
  • Can I be absolutely sure itโ€™s true?
  • If not -is this belief helping me?

If it isnโ€™t, start building a new beliefโ€”one rooted in kindness and compassion towards yourself.

This shift wonโ€™t happen overnight.
But with patience, you can rewrite the narrative.

And the world will start reflecting the version of you that you choose to believe in.

โค๏ธ

๐—Ÿ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด > ๐—–๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ – a Formula For Success

Learning > Change

This is a formula for success.

Your ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ, the rate at which you adopt and expand your skills as leader, needs to exceed the rate at which your environment ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด.

If not, you’ll fall behind and others will pass you by.

Has your learning kept up? Are you consistently making time for personal and professional development?

Prioritizing your full inbox, however inevitable and important it might feel, is short-term thinking. And it will never get empty.

As leaders, we face bigger expectations, more complex challenges, and higher stakes.

So how do you ensure your growth stays ahead of the curve? Here are three steps:

1๏ธโƒฃ Reflect Regularly
Block out time each week to review whatโ€™s working, whatโ€™s not, and what you can learn from it all.

2๏ธโƒฃ Seek Feedback
Blind spots grow in the dark. Ask for candid input oftenโ€”donโ€™t wait for formal reviews.
๐˜ˆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜๐˜‰๐˜™ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ฅ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ด: 95% ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜บ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง-๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜–๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ 10-15% ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ.

3๏ธโƒฃ Invest in Yourself
Read, take courses, or get help. Your development isnโ€™t a โ€œnice-to-haveโ€ but a โ€œmust-have.โ€

Change is inevitable. Falling behind doesnโ€™t have to be.

How has your learning kept pace with your changing role over the past year?

How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People

Person A: “I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person B: “Fascinating! Because I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person A: “That’s so true, reminds me of… I, I, I, me, me, me.”

This is how most ‘conversations’ go: two people taking turns talking about themselves.

Itโ€™s not surprising. Weโ€™re wired to think about ourselves most of the time.

But when all we do is talk about ourselves, we miss out on something important.

We donโ€™t learn anything new.
We donโ€™t grow.
We donโ€™t build real connections.

๐Ÿ’ก ๐——๐—ผ๐—ปโ€™๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฃ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—” ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—•. ๐—•๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฃ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—–.

Person C makes conversations meaningful.

If someone brings up a topic, they ask questions like:

“What does that mean to you?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What do you like most about it?”

Person C doesnโ€™t just talkโ€”they listen and learn.

This doesnโ€™t mean you should never talk about yourself. Conversations are a two-way street. But when you go into a conversation with curiosity and a desire to learn, amazing things happen:

๐ŸŒŸ You learn new things.
๐Ÿ‘€ You see the world in new ways.
โค๏ธ You build stronger relationships.
๐Ÿค People feel heard and valued.

Next time youโ€™re in a conversation, pause and ask yourself:

๐—”๐—บ ๐—œ ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐—น๐˜†, ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—œ ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ?

This small change can make a big difference.

Progress, not Perfectionism

Dear fellow-perfectionists: itโ€™s not a strength, itโ€™s a way of seeking approval.

In job interviews, people often humblebrag about their biggest weakness being perfectionism. It sounds like a hidden strength, doesn’t it?

Only, itโ€™s not.

We tell ourselves, “I care a lot about my work. When I do something, I want it done right!โ€.

But deep down, there is small voice saying, “If I don’t do everything perfectly, people won’t value me. I feel like my worth depends on how flawless my work is. I’m scared of making mistakesโ€”what if they stop respecting or liking me?”.

It’s great to work hard and aim for high quality. Those are good things.

But when perfectionism takes over, it can lead to stress, anxiety and burnout. Research shows that perfectionism can actually make it harder to reach our goals.

As leaders, we might notice team members who push themselves too hard, striving for impossible standards. At first glance, we might think, “Great! This person delivers quality.” But in the long run, it’s not good for them or the team because it’s not sustainable.

We can help by encouraging them to focus on progress, not perfection, and by reminding them that mistakes are part of learning.

So, how to find the line between doing good work and falling into perfectionism?

  • Set high goals without making them impossible or taking over our lives.
  • Focus on making progress instead of being perfect.
  • Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing really making my work better, or am I stuck on tiny details that don’t add much value?โ€.

As Tony Robbins says, โ€œperfectionism is the lowest possible standard โ€“ because itโ€™s impossible to attainโ€.

Mistakes are part of learning. They’re not signs that you’re not good enough but chances to grow and improve.

How to Deal With Fear

Why Does “The Cave You Fear Hold the Treasure You Seek”?

I recently discovered this quote by Joseph Campbell in one of Brenรฉ Brownโ€™s inspiring books: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

While reading it, I felt a strong โ€˜YESโ€™! Because it captures how I’ve been trying to live the past few years.

For much of my life, I was quite shy, insecure, introverted. I felt trapped in an invisible cage of my own making. My dark cave contained many thingsโ€”speaking up in groups, starting conversations with strangers, facing rejection, saying no to social invitations, or choosing work that aligned with my dreams, to name a few. Actually, mine was more of a giant storage hall than a cave.

Then, one day, after a profound personal experience, I began to see fear for what it isโ€”just a feeling, like any other. Nothing more.

Fear has its place; without it, we wouldn’t survive. But thereโ€™s a difference between fear that signals real danger and self-limiting fear that holds us back.

So, I decided to do something uncomfortable every day. And slowly, my comfort zone has been expanding.

The treasure I found? Freedom and connection.

I left the safety of my previous career to now spending my days doing what I love. I’ve connected with so many interesting people by initiating a conversation. I no longer feel bad about expressing my opinions, expressing my needs, or saying no to things that donโ€™t serve me.

Sure, there are still things that make me uncomfortable. But I choose to face them, and it gets easier every time.

Here are the steps I took, which you can do:

  1. Identify Your Cave: List the things that scare you, but aren’t dangerous. These are your self-limiting fears.
  2. Take Small Steps: Start small. Say hello to someone new. Share an idea in a meeting.
  3. Embrace Discomfort: Discomfort is temporary and a sign of growth.
  4. Reflect on Progress: Keep track of your experiences, and see your comfort zone expand.

Now, reading my progress log makes me smile. Some years years ago, saying, “Siri, play next song,” in a public place was something I struggled with.

This week, Iโ€™ll be speaking about leadership at public event.

Fear is still thereโ€”but itโ€™s no longer in charge.

What you resist, persists.

This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my life.

For years, when feelings of anger, sadness, and fear came up, I tried to push them away, hoping they’d vanish. I’d look for distractions. Instead, they lingered on, sometimes for decades.

What actually works, is very counter-intuitive: embrace those emotions.

Feel them fully. Observe the physical expressions of the emotion in your body. Pay attention to the tightness in your chest, the constriction in your throat, the sting in your heart, the knot in your belly. Donโ€™t try to change them. Just feel them, or better: welcome them.

๐—ช๐—ต๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ธ?

Emotions are signals from our subconscious. Once we truly feel them, theyโ€™ve served their purpose and can disappear. But resisting them activates different areas of our brain (our fight-flight-freeze system), keeping those emotions alive and kicking.

Embracing them doesnโ€™t make deeply ingrained emotions disappear overnight, but itโ€™s an essential part of letting them go.

It’s exactly the opposite of what 95% of us are doing, but itโ€™s incredibly freeing, and it works.

For instance, if you’re about to present something to a big group and feel a rush of anxiety, our usual thought is: “Ugh, I wish I didn’t feel so anxious!”.

Next time, try this: pause, focus on the physical sensations, and allow yourself to feel the anxiety without trying to push it away. “I feel nervous, my chest feels tight, and that’s okay.”

Notice the tightness in your chest or the butterflies in your stomach. By acknowledging and feeling these sensations, you can reduce their power over you.

Take a moment today. Sit with whatever emotion is present. Feel it without judgment or negativity.

It can be tricky at first, but it’s definitely worth it.

Have you ever tried this method? What did it do for you?

I’d love to hear.


โ— Note: this is notns a solution to complex emotional issues or traumas, nor is it a substitute for therapy, when needed.

Designing Your Future

What if you could design your future with the precision of an architect?

Not just think about it, but actually see it laid out in front of you, in full color, with images that inspire and motivate you every day.

Thatโ€™s where a vision board comes inโ€”a powerful tool that helps you map out your future, both personally and professionally.

Start simple. Use an app like OneNote or any image editor.

Now, think big.

What does your ideal life look like? Where do you see yourself living? Whatโ€™s your dream job? How do you want to feel at work? What does your perfect workday involve?

Imagine a photo of a beautiful beach if you dream of more travel, or a portrait of someone who you admire. Maybe youโ€™re striving for more balance, so you include a picture of a peaceful landscape. Or perhaps youโ€™re focused on creativity and growthโ€”find an image that sparks that energy.

Donโ€™t forget to include the people who matter most to you. Add in personal goals, like a place youโ€™ve always wanted to visit or a hobby youโ€™ve been meaning to explore. Even symbols, like a lion for courage or a compass for direction, can serve as powerful reminders of the qualities you want to embody.

Bring all these elements together in one space, and keep it where you can see it every day.

As you continue to look at your vision board, it begins to work on your mind. Youโ€™ll find yourself more focused on what truly matters, more driven to turn these dreams into reality. Itโ€™s like giving your subconscious a roadmap to your future.

Start creating yours today and see where it leads.

If you could put one thing on your vision board right now, what would it be?

A Zen story With a Profound Lesson

Ever heard the Zen koan about the fish seller?

A koan is a short story to invoke insight.  I wasnโ€™t sure to share it, as itโ€™s quite abstract, but because I love it, Iโ€™m doing it anyway.

It goes like this:

“Banzan was walking through the market when he overheard a conversation between a fish seller and his customer.

The customer asked for the best piece of fish.

The seller replied, ‘All my pieces of fish are the best I have.’

Upon hearing this, Banzan was enlightened.”

Ok, that seller is either a genius, of desperately needs a marketing course. But whatโ€™s the point here actually?

Itโ€™s this: what if we saw every experience, every moment, as the best we have?

You might be thinking, โ€œYeah right, how is that aweful performance review the best moment I have?โ€

Itโ€™s not about the situation, itโ€™s about how we ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ the situation.

When you approach a meeting thinking, “I hate this,” you’re already creating stress. For yourself.

You canโ€™t control this initial spark of stress or negativity, thatโ€™s just your mind doing its thing.

But the moment you become aware of if, you have a choice to go along with that story, or not.

Usually, we go along with the mindโ€™s story, and start having an internal conversation with ourselves about how this or that is terrible.

The result? It creates tension and drain your energy.

Instead, consider this approach:

โœ… Before the meeting, take a moment to breathe and set an intention.
Think, “What can I gain from this meeting?”

โœ… Realize: ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐—ฎ๐˜†. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ.
โœ… During the meeting, engage actively. Focus on understanding and connecting with the other, and contributing your best.
โœ… After the meeting, find one positive takeaway, even if itโ€™s small.

This shift in mindset doesnโ€™t make the meeting (or situation) perfect, but it reduces the stress and helps you find value in the experience.

Even in our toughest moments, our bodies perform miracles. Billions of cells are working every second to keep us alive and functioning. This perspective can be incredibly empowering.

For managers, judging and resisting saps your energy.

Accepting each moment as it is can recharge your leadership and give you the clarity to inspire your team.

This doesnโ€™t mean you canโ€™t try to improve situations, or your life. To grow, learn. But when done from a state of accepting every moment as it is, without resistance, is so much more powerful.

So, what caused this major shift in Banzan after hearing that conversation?

He realized that his tendency to think โ€œI donโ€™t want this, I want thatโ€ was making him miserable.

And the lesson from the sellerโ€™s perspective: everything we do is the best in that moment. Big tasks or small, they all matter.

Try seeing each moment as perfect.

I know from experience: it’s not easy, but the better you get at this, the happier you’ll be.

<3

Dealing With Difficult Colleagues

Some colleagues challenge our patience.

They might be self-centered, poor listeners, unreliable, or drenched in negativity.

Youโ€™ve tried to sidestep them. But then came the promotion to manager.

Now you have to face them head-on.

Motivating them feels like dragging an anchor through the mud.

And when they donโ€™t change, their behavior begins to cast shadows over your teamโ€™s morale and results.

<<๐—–๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—–๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ>>

What if their difficult behavior is not a wall, but a riddle to be solved?

What if their egocentrism and unreliability are scars from years of disappointment?

What if their negativity is a cry of deep concern for the team or companyโ€™s direction?

Framing them as merely difficult hardens your heart and colours every interaction.

It becomes you versus them. Trust evaporates, resistance rises.

You end up trying to prove them wrong, hoping theyโ€™ll change.

But that battle is always lost.

This doesnโ€™t mean tolerating bad behavior. Negativity is contagious and can spread like an oil spill.

As a leader, boundaries are essential. But before setting them, use Curiosity and Compassion.

Listen with genuine curiosity, without judgment. Take their concerns serious, and if they are valid, address them. Communicate on what youโ€™ve done.

If what they want is not something you can do, explain why, clearly and calmly.

No one wants to be forced to change.

Everyone wants to be heard and understood.