๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต’๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ?
When people got angry at or around me, I used to feel very uncomfortable.
Today, I practice a different response: ๐ฐ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐๐.
Anger can feel like an attack, but itโs rarely random.
In fact, anger often has a clear purposeโconscious or not.
People get angry because theyโre trying to achieve something.
โข Maybe they want you to stop doing something.
โข Maybe theyโre trying to control the situation.
โข Maybe theyโre protecting their ego, their reputation, or something they deeply care about.
Hereโs the proof that anger is goal-driven and not just uncontrollable emotion:
โช๏ธ ๐๐บ๐ฎ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐-๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐น๐ถ๐ด๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฏ๐๐บ๐ฝ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ฏ๐ฎ๐น๐น ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐ฐ๐ต.
Does the person yell at them? Noโbecause their goal in that moment is safety, not confrontation.
โช๏ธ ๐ก๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฎ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ณ๐๐น ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ.
Do most people explode with anger? Noโbecause their goal is likely to maintain their job and reputation, even if they disagree.
If anger were uncontrollable, people would snap in these situations too. But they donโt.
๐๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ถ๐น๐น ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ถ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น.
The next time a colleague gets angry at you, take a breath.
Instead of snapping back, ask yourself:
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ?
Are they trying to feel heard? Are they trying to protect something?
This shift from defensiveness to curiosity helps you take control of the situation.
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ผ: curiosity has been shown to deactivate the threat response in our brain, allowing us to engage more calmly and constructively in conflict. Itโs also linked to higher emotional intelligence, better relationships, and more effective conflict resolution.
This doesnโt mean tolerating bad behaviorโboundaries are still crucial.
But when you see anger as a sign of unmet needs rather than a personal attack, you stop reacting and start responding thoughtfully.
So next time someone gets angry, pause and ask:
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ด๐ผ๐ฎ๐น?
Youโll be surprised how much clarityโand calmโyou gain.
Other People’s Opinion of You… Theirs or Yours?
You know that team member that thinks you lack the experience?
Or the colleague that thinks your meeting contributions donโt add value?
It stings, doesnโt it?
Now, consider this..
Deep down, thereโs a good chance you believe these things about yourself .
We often project our own hidden insecurities onto others.
We assume they see the worst in us because we do.
And when someoneโs behavior even faintly matches our fear, it feels like confirmation.
For example:
Imagine someone who secretly believes theyโre unworthy of love.
They might think others dislike them, avoid them, or find them boring.
To compensate, they become people pleasersโsaying yes to everything, constantly seeking approval.
And when someone cancels plans or rejects their offer to help?
It cuts deep.
Not because of the action itself, but because it echoes that hidden belief:
Iโm not worthy.
Now, think about this:
If someone insulted your blue hair but you didnโt have blue hair, you couldnโt care less.
It wouldnโt resonate.
But when a comment mirrors your own fears? It hurts.
So, how can we break this cycle?
The next time you think, โThey must believe this about me,โ pause.
Ask yourself: Could this be something I believe about myself?
Instead of being upset with them, turn inward.
Reflect:
- Do I truly believe this about myself?
- Can I be absolutely sure itโs true?
- If not -is this belief helping me?
If it isnโt, start building a new beliefโone rooted in kindness and compassion towards yourself.
This shift wonโt happen overnight.
But with patience, you can rewrite the narrative.
And the world will start reflecting the version of you that you choose to believe in.
โค๏ธ
๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด > ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ – a Formula For Success
Learning > Change
This is a formula for success.
Your ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, the rate at which you adopt and expand your skills as leader, needs to exceed the rate at which your environment ๐ค๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ด.
If not, you’ll fall behind and others will pass you by.
Has your learning kept up? Are you consistently making time for personal and professional development?
Prioritizing your full inbox, however inevitable and important it might feel, is short-term thinking. And it will never get empty.
As leaders, we face bigger expectations, more complex challenges, and higher stakes.
So how do you ensure your growth stays ahead of the curve? Here are three steps:
1๏ธโฃ Reflect Regularly
Block out time each week to review whatโs working, whatโs not, and what you can learn from it all.
2๏ธโฃ Seek Feedback
Blind spots grow in the dark. Ask for candid input oftenโdonโt wait for formal reviews.
๐ ๐ญ๐ข๐ณ๐จ๐ฆ ๐๐๐ ๐ด๐ต๐ถ๐ฅ๐บ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด: 95% ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ง๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง-๐ข๐ธ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ 10-15% ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ.
3๏ธโฃ Invest in Yourself
Read, take courses, or get help. Your development isnโt a โnice-to-haveโ but a โmust-have.โ
Change is inevitable. Falling behind doesnโt have to be.
How has your learning kept pace with your changing role over the past year?
How to Have Real Conversations & Connect With People
Person A: “I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person B: “Fascinating! Because I, I, I, me, me, me.”
Person A: “That’s so true, reminds me of… I, I, I, me, me, me.”
This is how most ‘conversations’ go: two people taking turns talking about themselves.
Itโs not surprising. Weโre wired to think about ourselves most of the time.
But when all we do is talk about ourselves, we miss out on something important.
We donโt learn anything new.
We donโt grow.
We donโt build real connections.
๐ก ๐๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป ๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐. ๐๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป ๐.
Person C makes conversations meaningful.
If someone brings up a topic, they ask questions like:
“What does that mean to you?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What do you like most about it?”
Person C doesnโt just talkโthey listen and learn.
This doesnโt mean you should never talk about yourself. Conversations are a two-way street. But when you go into a conversation with curiosity and a desire to learn, amazing things happen:
๐ You learn new things.
๐ You see the world in new ways.
โค๏ธ You build stronger relationships.
๐ค People feel heard and valued.
Next time youโre in a conversation, pause and ask yourself:
๐๐บ ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐น๐, ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ?
This small change can make a big difference.
Progress, not Perfectionism
Dear fellow-perfectionists: itโs not a strength, itโs a way of seeking approval.
In job interviews, people often humblebrag about their biggest weakness being perfectionism. It sounds like a hidden strength, doesn’t it?
Only, itโs not.
We tell ourselves, “I care a lot about my work. When I do something, I want it done right!โ.
But deep down, there is small voice saying, “If I don’t do everything perfectly, people won’t value me. I feel like my worth depends on how flawless my work is. I’m scared of making mistakesโwhat if they stop respecting or liking me?”.
It’s great to work hard and aim for high quality. Those are good things.
But when perfectionism takes over, it can lead to stress, anxiety and burnout. Research shows that perfectionism can actually make it harder to reach our goals.
As leaders, we might notice team members who push themselves too hard, striving for impossible standards. At first glance, we might think, “Great! This person delivers quality.” But in the long run, it’s not good for them or the team because it’s not sustainable.
We can help by encouraging them to focus on progress, not perfection, and by reminding them that mistakes are part of learning.
So, how to find the line between doing good work and falling into perfectionism?
- Set high goals without making them impossible or taking over our lives.
- Focus on making progress instead of being perfect.
- Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing really making my work better, or am I stuck on tiny details that don’t add much value?โ.
As Tony Robbins says, โperfectionism is the lowest possible standard โ because itโs impossible to attainโ.
Mistakes are part of learning. They’re not signs that you’re not good enough but chances to grow and improve.
How to Deal With Fear
Why Does “The Cave You Fear Hold the Treasure You Seek”?
I recently discovered this quote by Joseph Campbell in one of Brenรฉ Brownโs inspiring books: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.“
While reading it, I felt a strong โYESโ! Because it captures how I’ve been trying to live the past few years.
For much of my life, I was quite shy, insecure, introverted. I felt trapped in an invisible cage of my own making. My dark cave contained many thingsโspeaking up in groups, starting conversations with strangers, facing rejection, saying no to social invitations, or choosing work that aligned with my dreams, to name a few. Actually, mine was more of a giant storage hall than a cave.
Then, one day, after a profound personal experience, I began to see fear for what it isโjust a feeling, like any other. Nothing more.
Fear has its place; without it, we wouldn’t survive. But thereโs a difference between fear that signals real danger and self-limiting fear that holds us back.
So, I decided to do something uncomfortable every day. And slowly, my comfort zone has been expanding.
The treasure I found? Freedom and connection.
I left the safety of my previous career to now spending my days doing what I love. I’ve connected with so many interesting people by initiating a conversation. I no longer feel bad about expressing my opinions, expressing my needs, or saying no to things that donโt serve me.
Sure, there are still things that make me uncomfortable. But I choose to face them, and it gets easier every time.
Here are the steps I took, which you can do:
- Identify Your Cave: List the things that scare you, but aren’t dangerous. These are your self-limiting fears.
- Take Small Steps: Start small. Say hello to someone new. Share an idea in a meeting.
- Embrace Discomfort: Discomfort is temporary and a sign of growth.
- Reflect on Progress: Keep track of your experiences, and see your comfort zone expand.
Now, reading my progress log makes me smile. Some years years ago, saying, “Siri, play next song,” in a public place was something I struggled with.
This week, Iโll be speaking about leadership at public event.
Fear is still thereโbut itโs no longer in charge.
What you resist, persists.
This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my life.
For years, when feelings of anger, sadness, and fear came up, I tried to push them away, hoping they’d vanish. I’d look for distractions. Instead, they lingered on, sometimes for decades.
What actually works, is very counter-intuitive: embrace those emotions.
Feel them fully. Observe the physical expressions of the emotion in your body. Pay attention to the tightness in your chest, the constriction in your throat, the sting in your heart, the knot in your belly. Donโt try to change them. Just feel them, or better: welcome them.
๐ช๐ต๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ธ?
Emotions are signals from our subconscious. Once we truly feel them, theyโve served their purpose and can disappear. But resisting them activates different areas of our brain (our fight-flight-freeze system), keeping those emotions alive and kicking.
Embracing them doesnโt make deeply ingrained emotions disappear overnight, but itโs an essential part of letting them go.
It’s exactly the opposite of what 95% of us are doing, but itโs incredibly freeing, and it works.
For instance, if you’re about to present something to a big group and feel a rush of anxiety, our usual thought is: “Ugh, I wish I didn’t feel so anxious!”.
Next time, try this: pause, focus on the physical sensations, and allow yourself to feel the anxiety without trying to push it away. “I feel nervous, my chest feels tight, and that’s okay.”
Notice the tightness in your chest or the butterflies in your stomach. By acknowledging and feeling these sensations, you can reduce their power over you.
Take a moment today. Sit with whatever emotion is present. Feel it without judgment or negativity.
It can be tricky at first, but it’s definitely worth it.
Have you ever tried this method? What did it do for you?
I’d love to hear.
โ Note: this is notns a solution to complex emotional issues or traumas, nor is it a substitute for therapy, when needed.
Designing Your Future
What if you could design your future with the precision of an architect?
Not just think about it, but actually see it laid out in front of you, in full color, with images that inspire and motivate you every day.
Thatโs where a vision board comes inโa powerful tool that helps you map out your future, both personally and professionally.
Start simple. Use an app like OneNote or any image editor.
Now, think big.
What does your ideal life look like? Where do you see yourself living? Whatโs your dream job? How do you want to feel at work? What does your perfect workday involve?
Imagine a photo of a beautiful beach if you dream of more travel, or a portrait of someone who you admire. Maybe youโre striving for more balance, so you include a picture of a peaceful landscape. Or perhaps youโre focused on creativity and growthโfind an image that sparks that energy.
Donโt forget to include the people who matter most to you. Add in personal goals, like a place youโve always wanted to visit or a hobby youโve been meaning to explore. Even symbols, like a lion for courage or a compass for direction, can serve as powerful reminders of the qualities you want to embody.
Bring all these elements together in one space, and keep it where you can see it every day.
As you continue to look at your vision board, it begins to work on your mind. Youโll find yourself more focused on what truly matters, more driven to turn these dreams into reality. Itโs like giving your subconscious a roadmap to your future.
Start creating yours today and see where it leads.
If you could put one thing on your vision board right now, what would it be?
A Zen story With a Profound Lesson
Ever heard the Zen koan about the fish seller?
A koan is a short story to invoke insight. I wasnโt sure to share it, as itโs quite abstract, but because I love it, Iโm doing it anyway.
It goes like this:
“Banzan was walking through the market when he overheard a conversation between a fish seller and his customer.
The customer asked for the best piece of fish.
The seller replied, ‘All my pieces of fish are the best I have.’
Upon hearing this, Banzan was enlightened.”
Ok, that seller is either a genius, of desperately needs a marketing course. But whatโs the point here actually?
Itโs this: what if we saw every experience, every moment, as the best we have?
You might be thinking, โYeah right, how is that aweful performance review the best moment I have?โ
Itโs not about the situation, itโs about how we ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ the situation.
When you approach a meeting thinking, “I hate this,” you’re already creating stress. For yourself.
You canโt control this initial spark of stress or negativity, thatโs just your mind doing its thing.
But the moment you become aware of if, you have a choice to go along with that story, or not.
Usually, we go along with the mindโs story, and start having an internal conversation with ourselves about how this or that is terrible.
The result? It creates tension and drain your energy.
Instead, consider this approach:
โ
Before the meeting, take a moment to breathe and set an intention.
Think, “What can I gain from this meeting?”
โ
Realize: ๐ฌ๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ธ๐ฎ๐. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ.
โ
During the meeting, engage actively. Focus on understanding and connecting with the other, and contributing your best.
โ
After the meeting, find one positive takeaway, even if itโs small.
This shift in mindset doesnโt make the meeting (or situation) perfect, but it reduces the stress and helps you find value in the experience.
Even in our toughest moments, our bodies perform miracles. Billions of cells are working every second to keep us alive and functioning. This perspective can be incredibly empowering.
For managers, judging and resisting saps your energy.
Accepting each moment as it is can recharge your leadership and give you the clarity to inspire your team.
This doesnโt mean you canโt try to improve situations, or your life. To grow, learn. But when done from a state of accepting every moment as it is, without resistance, is so much more powerful.
So, what caused this major shift in Banzan after hearing that conversation?
He realized that his tendency to think โI donโt want this, I want thatโ was making him miserable.
And the lesson from the sellerโs perspective: everything we do is the best in that moment. Big tasks or small, they all matter.
Try seeing each moment as perfect.
I know from experience: it’s not easy, but the better you get at this, the happier you’ll be.
<3
Dealing With Difficult Colleagues
Some colleagues challenge our patience.
They might be self-centered, poor listeners, unreliable, or drenched in negativity.
Youโve tried to sidestep them. But then came the promotion to manager.
Now you have to face them head-on.
Motivating them feels like dragging an anchor through the mud.
And when they donโt change, their behavior begins to cast shadows over your teamโs morale and results.
<<๐๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ>>
What if their difficult behavior is not a wall, but a riddle to be solved?
What if their egocentrism and unreliability are scars from years of disappointment?
What if their negativity is a cry of deep concern for the team or companyโs direction?
Framing them as merely difficult hardens your heart and colours every interaction.
It becomes you versus them. Trust evaporates, resistance rises.
You end up trying to prove them wrong, hoping theyโll change.
But that battle is always lost.
This doesnโt mean tolerating bad behavior. Negativity is contagious and can spread like an oil spill.
As a leader, boundaries are essential. But before setting them, use Curiosity and Compassion.
Listen with genuine curiosity, without judgment. Take their concerns serious, and if they are valid, address them. Communicate on what youโve done.
If what they want is not something you can do, explain why, clearly and calmly.
No one wants to be forced to change.
Everyone wants to be heard and understood.