How to Influence Without Authority as an Early-Career Manager

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

This article guides new managers on how to influence without authority as an early-career manager. It covers practical strategies like tuning into WIIFM, building relationships before needing them, and asking questions instead of making demands. The text emphasizes moving beyond formal titles to achieve organizational impact through psychological insight.

You need Marketing to prioritize your feature. You need your team member to actually follow through on that task. You need Engineering to fix that bug.

Having a title doesn’t mean people automatically do what you ask. Not even your own team.

Your team can ignore your advice. Other departments definitely will. When you ask for help, you get “we’ll see what we can do” which means “probably not.”

This is one of the hardest parts of being a new manager: getting things done through influence, not authority. It is often the first hurdle we tackle in leadership coaching.

Why Authority Doesn’t Work

Sure, your team technically reports to you. But if you lead by just pulling rank, you lose.

People do the minimum when you force them. They get creative when you inspire them.

And for everyone outside your team? You have zero authority. They have their own priorities, managers, and deadlines.

Most starting managers try what worked before: being helpful, working hard, hoping people notice. That’s not enough anymore. Standard management training often skips this political reality, but you must learn to navigate it.+1

1. Tune Into Radio WIIFM

Everyone is listening to the same station: WIIFM. What’s In It For Me.

When you ask for help, they’re thinking: “How does this help me? What do I lose if I say yes?”

Most new managers pitch what they need. “I need you to review this by Friday.” “Can you prioritize our request?” “Can you take this on?”

That’s all about you. Not them.

Figure out what they care about and frame your request around that.

  • To your team member: “This project will give you exposure to leadership.” (Not “I need you to do this”).
  • To Marketing: “This feature will give you a customer story for the Q2 campaign.”
  • To Engineering: “Fixing this bug will cut support tickets by 30%. That means fewer interruptions for your team.”

People don’t care about your problems. Show them how helping you solves theirs.

2. Build Relationships Before You Need Them

What doesn’t work: ignoring someone for three months, then showing up when you need something.

This applies to your own team too. If you only talk to people in one-on-ones or when you need something, you’re transactional. They feel it.

Invest in relationships when you don’t need anything. Coffee chats. Quick check-ins. Asking about their projects or what they’re learning.

This feels inefficient when you’re already overwhelmed. But when you actually need something, you’re not a stranger making a demand. You’re someone they know and want to help.

3. Make Other People Look Good

Want people to help you? Help them first.

Make them look good to the people who matter to them.

  • Give your team member credit publicly when they nail something.
  • Loop in their boss on wins from other departments.
  • Make their life easier (“I’ll write the first draft, you just review”).

When you make someone else successful, they remember.

Starting managers often feel like they need to prove themselves, so they grab credit. That’s short-term thinking. Your currency is relationships. Spend it making others look good.

4. Ask Questions Instead of Making Requests

You don’t have real authority. Even with your team. So stop trying to use authority you don’t have.

To your team: Instead of: “You need to do X.” Try: “What would it take to get X done this week?”

To other departments: Instead of: “Can you prioritize this?” Try: “What would it take to move this up?”

Instead of: “We need this by Friday.” Try: “Friday is our ideal timeline. What’s realistic on your end?”

Questions get you information. You learn about constraints you didn’t know about. And they create buy-in. When someone helps solve the problem, they own the solution.

Even with your own team, questions work better than orders. “How do you think we should approach this?” gets more commitment than “Here’s what we’re doing.”

5. Connect Everything to the Bigger Mission

People tune out when you talk about your project’s timeline. They pay attention when you talk about what actually matters.

Connect what you need to what the company cares about.

To your team: Instead of: “We need to hit this deadline.” Try: “Leadership is watching this project. Delivering on time shows we can execute.”

To other departments: Instead of: “We need to launch this feature next quarter.” Try: “Leadership wants to break into enterprise. This feature is what enterprise customers keep asking for.”

People want to work on things that matter. Show them why your thing matters. This works on your team and outside of it.

Start Here

Pick one person you need something from this month (could be on your team or outside it). Before you ask:

  1. Figure out what they care about.
  2. Frame your request in terms of what helps them.
  3. Connect it to a bigger company goal.
  4. Ask questions to understand their constraints.

Learning how to influence without authority as an early-career manager takes practice. But the managers who figure this out get things done with their team and across the company, even when nobody has to listen to them.

Interested or curious? Let’s chat! Plan your free introduction here. Zero obligation.

Dealing with Unrealistic Expectations as a First-Time Manager (When You’re Still Learning the Job)

David Buirs | Leadership Expert

This article addresses the overwhelming pressure of dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager. It helps new leaders distinguish between unfair demands and their own learning curves. Practical scripts for managing up and negotiating priorities are provided.

Three months into your first management role, you are drowning.

Your boss wants results yesterday. Your team needs help. You are still figuring out what good management even looks like. And somewhere in there, you are supposed to be doing your actual job too.

Nobody told you it would feel like learning to swim while someone is yelling at you to win the race. Dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager is often the first real crisis you face.

You’re Not Behind, You’re Just New

Here is what most starting leaders don’t hear enough: this feeling is normal.

You got promoted because you were good at your old job. Now you have a completely different job. Where being helpful doesn’t mean doing the work yourself. Where your success depends on other people’s performance.

And while you are still figuring out this new role, your boss is expecting you to deliver like you have been doing this for years.

The Impossible Position

Early-career managers get squeezed from both sides.

Your team needs you present and helpful. They have questions. They need decisions. They are watching to see if you are actually going to be a good manager.

Your boss needs results. They want progress, good news, proof that promoting you was the right call. Often, companies skip essential in-company management training, assuming you will just “figure it out.”

And you? You are just trying to figure out what a one-on-one should look like. How to give feedback. Whether you should be in all these meetings. Nobody is giving you space to learn. Everyone assumes you already know.

Is It Unrealistic or Are You Learning?

Sometimes you can’t tell if the expectations are actually unrealistic or if you are just overwhelmed because everything is new.

It might be unrealistic if:

  • You don’t have the resources other teams get.
  • The timeline doesn’t account for dependencies outside your control.
  • Your team is understaffed or missing key skills.
  • You are being asked to fix problems that existed before you got here.

It might be a learning curve if:

  • Other managers at your level are hitting similar targets.
  • You are spending a lot of time on things that don’t move the needle.
  • You haven’t asked for help or clarification on priorities.
  • You are trying to do everything yourself instead of delegating.

Both can be true at the same time. The expectations can be aggressive AND you can still be learning.

How to Talk to Your Boss

This is the conversation new managers avoid. You don’t want to admit you are struggling. You don’t want to look like you are making excuses.

But staying silent doesn’t help either. Start with what you are learning, not what you are failing at.

The Script: “I want to talk about priorities. I’m three months in and learning a ton about what it takes to manage well. I also want to make sure I’m focused on what matters most to you. Can we talk about what success looks like for me this quarter?”

You are not saying “this is too hard.” You are saying “I want to do this well, help me understand what that means.”

Then get specific about constraints: “Right now I’m juggling [list 3-4 big things]. If the priority is X, I want to make sure I have what I need to deliver. That might mean pushing Y back or getting support on Z. What makes sense?”

You are showing you understand tradeoffs. You are managing up, not complaining.

What to Negotiate (And What to Just Do)

Pick your battles when dealing with unrealistic expectations as a first-time manager.

Don’t negotiate on:

  • Learning the basics of your job.
  • Being present for your team.
  • Delivering on commitments you have made.
  • Working hard.

Do negotiate on:

  • Timelines that don’t account for reality.
  • Taking on new projects when you are already stretched.
  • Doing work that should be delegated.
  • Meetings that don’t need you.

When the Problem Is Actually You

Sometimes the expectations aren’t unrealistic. You are just not managing well yet.

Signs this might be the case:

  • You are constantly busy but nothing important is getting done.
  • You are doing work your team should be doing.
  • You haven’t delegated anything significant.
  • You are avoiding hard conversations.

If this sounds familiar, the answer isn’t to push back on expectations. Get better at managing. This is where leadership coaching becomes essential. You need to learn to delegate and have those uncomfortable conversations.

This is hard to admit. But it is fixable.

You’re Learning a New Job

You are not doing your old job poorly. You are learning a completely new one.

That takes time. It takes mistakes. It takes asking for help even when it feels uncomfortable.

The managers who make it through this phase aren’t the ones who never struggled. They are the ones who figured out how to ask for what they needed and keep learning even when it was hard.

Start Here

This week:

  1. Write down what you think your boss expects from you.
  2. Schedule a conversation to confirm you are right.
  3. Identify one thing you need (clarity, resources, time) and ask for it.

You aren’t supposed to have it all figured out yet. You are supposed to be figuring it out.

Schedule a free introduction call. Just to see if there’s a click and where you might need help.

Twenty years of experience vs. your new role: The Veteran Wall

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Detailed guide for starting managers facing the “Veteran Wall” of giving feedback to senior employees. Explains the application of DISC colors to mitigate status-threat responses. Positions personal leadership and internal validation as the core for effective feedback.

You sit in the meeting room. Your palms are sweating. Across from you sits the person who built this department. They have twenty years on the clock. You have six months in your seat. You need to tell them their behavior is toxic. The silence feels heavy. You feel like an imposter.

The “Veteran Wall” is the invisible barrier of seniority. It is built from years of service and institutional knowledge. Most new managers try to climb it with politeness. This fails every time. You cannot “nice” your way into respect.


Experience is not a shield

You are the manager for a reason. Tenure does not grant immunity from feedback. High turnover often starts with one untouchable expert. Your team looks at you. They want to see if you have a spine.

Do not hide behind your job title. That is corporate theater. Speak to the person. Address the behavior directly. When an expert is allowed to underperform, the culture rots. Your high-performers will leave first. They are waiting for you to lead.


‘Coloring along’ with DISC

The DISC model helps you build a real connection. Everyone communicates through a specific color preference. A Red personality wants the bottom line fast. They respect strength and brevity. Do not apologize for the feedback.

Yellow types need to feel heard. They fear social exclusion. Frame the feedback as a way to reconnect with the team.

Green seeks safety and a steady pace. They hate sudden change. Use a calm tone and offer clear steps forward.

Blue demands facts and logic. Show them the data. Prove why the current behavior fails.

Speak their language to lower their guard. This is about removing friction. It has nothing to do with manipulation. It is about recognizing the human on the other side.


The trap of seeking validation

Many young leaders suffer from “approval addiction”. You want the veteran to like you. You want them to say you are doing a good job. This is a dangerous trap.

If you need their validation, you cannot lead them. Neuroscience shows that status threats trigger a fight-or-flight response. When you challenge a senior expert, you trigger this response. They will push back. Your job is to stay grounded. Do not take their defense personally.


Personal leadership as the foundation

Real leadership coaching starts with looking in the mirror. Stop seeking validation from the senior experts. Your authority comes from your internal values.

Acknowledge the tension. Tell them you respect their history. Then tell them why the current path fails. This is how you build a real connection. True leadership is being the same person regardless of who is in front of you.

Schedule a free introduction call to discuss the possibilities for your situation here.

The Help-Trap: Your Good Intentions Might be What’s Exhausting You

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Summary: This article explores the “Help-Trap,” where leaders inadvertently hinder their team’s growth by providing all the answers. It explains how shifting focus to increasing team ownership and resourcefulness reduces manager burnout and builds long-term capability. By prioritizing independent thinking over short-term popularity, managers can transform from an “answering machine” into a catalyst for growth.

Many managers have some sense of what success looks like: generating output X or hitting a growth percentage Y. But they are often confused as to how to actually achieve that. They channel their energy towards short-term solutions and struggle with their team’s dramatically low sense of accountability and ownership.

When the team comes to them with a problem, the manager gives the answer. Problem solved. These are good intentions, but they are channeled incorrectly. It is short-term thinking. Well-intended, but ineffective long-term. Our ego’s love it though. I’ve been there many times. Nothing beats giving a smart answer and feeling useful.

The Thinking Manager

But this newsletter is for the Next Level Manager (NLM), the type of manager that works intentionally. They don’t just “do” management; they think deeply about what effective leadership actually is and how to help their team achieve their long-term goals.

They realize that in order to achieve those business goals, the development of their team’s capabilities is critical. Because they are the people that have to deliver those results. Help them become 20% more capable, and results can increase by 20%.

Strategies for Increasing Team Ownership

An essential driver behind that process is the amount of ownership and resourcefulness a team possesses. This is a dynamic metric, not a static one. You have influence over it. If you make increasing team ownership your objective, you will approach questions from your team differently.

This requires sacrifice. You might have to disappoint your team. You might even have to leave them hanging. You have to accept short-term hits to your popularity because you need to move away from giving them the answers to every question they bring you.

Avoiding the Dependency Cycle

Every time you offer an answer, you create a little more dependency. They see you as a little bit more important, and you are slowly setting yourself up for long-term failure. This is the Help-Trap. I have been on both sides: the trapper’s side and the trapée’s side. Both feel good short-term, but keep you stuck long-term. The more answers you give, the more questions will come your way, and the busier you will be. Many leaders who burn out are caught in this trap.

With the rise of AI, individual knowledge becomes less valuable. If you cling to being the person with all the answers, your position devalues over time. Instead, become a catalyst for your team’s learning. Instead of giving the answer, express your trust in their capabilities to find it themselves: “I know what you’re capable of, I’ve seen you do it before. See what solutions you can come up with.”

Practical Steps Toward Resourcefulness

It is important to distinguish between questions your team cannot know or solve on their own (budget, leave dates, etc.) and questions they can solve (internal conflicts, client problems). As we all use AI more, we are becoming worse at creative thinking. This makes this an uphill battle, but it is one worth fighting. Tell your team: “Anytime you come to me with a problem, tell me what solutions you have already considered.”

To make this practical, the NLM facilitates monthly sessions where team members show the rest of the group the process they followed to find a creative solution. The focus is not on the actual solution; it is on the steps they took to get there. During these sessions, use public recognition for the team members who showed the most resourcefulness. By highlighting someone who solved a problem without waiting for an answer, you signal to the rest of the team that you value independent thinking over simply “checking in.”

Investing in Long-term Impact

Think of it this way: if they are lost in the forest, do you give them direct instructions to get out? Or do you teach them to read a map and use a compass? I’ll zoom in on the process, and importance, of teaching new skills to your team, in a future edition of this newsletter. How to teach them to ‘read a compass’. But before we get there, we must let go of the tendency to give our team all the answers.

This shift is a vital part of leadership coaching. The leaders I work with transform their definitions of success, in ways that helps them, and their careers.

If you are ready to stop being the “answering machine” and start building a high-ownership team, schedule your free introduction call to discuss the possibilities for your specific situation.

How to Feel More Appreciated at Work: Leading by Example

Leadership coaching Amsterdam | David Buirs

Statistics show that two out of three professionals do not always feel appreciated at work. Feeling valued is a fundamental human need; a lack of it leads to demotivation and the feeling of being unseen. While you cannot force others to show gratitude, you can influence the culture of your team. If you are wondering how to feel more appreciated at work, the answer often lies in taking the initiative yourself.

The Reciprocity of Appreciation

Appreciation is not a one-way street. In my experience as a leadership coach, I often see that the most respected managers are those who actively recognize the value in others. Showing gratitude is as fulfilling as receiving it. It strengthens professional relationships and builds a foundation of trust.

By leading with appreciation, you set a standard. When you make it a habit to acknowledge the contributions of your peers or direct reports, you create an environment where recognition becomes the norm rather than the exception.

A Practical Challenge for Leaders

Gratitude does not always have to be spontaneous to be effective. What matters is that it is genuine. I challenge you to express sincere appreciation to three colleagues over the next ten days. This could be a manager, a direct report, or a peer from a different department.

To help you identify these moments of value, consider the following questions:

  1. Exceeding Expectations: Who recently went above and beyond their role to support you? How did their contribution impact your workload or stress levels?
  2. Character Traits: Which colleague possesses a positive trait, such as patience or analytical sharpness, that you value? Share why you appreciate that specific quality.
  3. Culture and Impact: Who has made a positive impact on the team culture lately? What was the tangible result of their attitude?
  4. Growth and Advice: Who offered valuable insights that helped you progress on a project? Acknowledge how their advice contributed to the final result.

Taking Control of Your Professional Environment

Waiting for appreciation can lead to frustration and a sense of powerlessness. Taking the lead in recognizing others is a form of personal leadership. It shifts the focus from what you are lacking to what you can contribute to the professional climate.

If you find that despite your efforts, the lack of recognition is structural, it might be time to look at your leadership style or the dynamics within your team. My management training programs are designed to help new managers navigate these exact challenges, moving from pleasing behavior to authentic and impactful leadership.

The more you integrate appreciation into your daily routine, the more likely it is to return to you. It is a strategic way to build a culture where everyone feels seen and motivated.

Want experienced support in your journey to become a better leader? Let’s talk. Schedule your free introduction here.

Kindness or Pleasing?

You helped, smiled, nodded… and walked away annoyed.
We’ve all done it.

When we please, we’re often hoping for something in return. Approval, respect, appreciation.
But when that return doesn’t come, we’re left feeling used, bitter, or just plain tired.

That’s because pleasing isn’t kindness.
It’s a quiet transaction, disguised as niceness.
And when it fails, the emotional cost is yours alone.

Kindness, by contrast, is clean. It gives without expectation, and feels lighter, not heavier.

In leadership, the difference isn’t academic.
One builds trust. The other erodes it silently.

Have you caught yourself doing the second, when you meant the first?

How to Up-Manage Well

Not all rising leaders are the loudest or most experienced ones.

Some are just quietly doing something most people overlook:

They think like owners—and that includes how they manage up.

It’s not just about leading your team.
It’s about supporting your manager too:
→ Keeping them informed
→ Flagging issues early
→ Helping them avoid surprises

Because when you practice up-management well,
you earn freedom.
You stop getting micromanaged.
You get pulled into real decisions.
You start getting seen differently—like someone who gets the bigger picture.

A few ways to start:
✅ Keep a shared doc with live updates—they’ll never have to chase
✅ Ask: “What could I do this week to make your job easier?”
✅ Offer a possible fix with every issue—even a rough one is better than none