If I’d ask you: ‘did you ever have a bad manager?’, the answer is likely to be “yes!”.
Maybe followed by: “And I’ve also had a great one.” The likely difference? Selfawareness for those managers.
The difference in impact between the two is huge.
What’s strange is how few managers see themselves as “bad,” even if the people around them do. If bad managers are so common, why do so few managers see themselves that way?
Because of this strange paradox: often the more people need to improve, the less they are aware of that. It’s not denial, but a lack of self-awareness.
If you don’t reflect, you don’t notice. And if you don’t notice, you don’t improve.
Meanwhile, leaders with strong self-reflection tend to do the opposite. They see their gaps and actively work on them. That’s why teams experience them as better managers over time.
So how do you find out what people really think of you? Not easy. People rarely tell the truth to your face, especially if you’re higher up.
Anonymous employee engagement surveys can shed some light. But there’s a better and simpler way. Ask several people, including your direct reports, peers and manager: “What’s the one thing I should work on?”
Listen. Find the pattern or theme among the feedback. Create a plan. Measure progress.
I’ve seen managers transform just by working on one repeated piece of feedback. Within months, their teams went from frustrated to regaining their trust.
With time, such a plan can flip the narrative: from being the boss people talk about behind their back, to the one people are grateful for.
→ What feedback during your time as manager has shaped your leadership the most?
Want to become better at leadership? Selfawareness for managers is the key. And it can be improved. Interested? Plan a free intake at www.davidbuirs.com/contact.
Managing people you don’t like
David Buirs Management Trainer
Continue readingHow to Increase Employee Engagement?
Are you responsible for the happiness of your people?
You want to build a culture of engagement—
but urgent stuff keeps winning:
💥 Engagement pulse scores trending down
💥 Back-to-back vacancies in the same team
💥 A new HR tool rollout stealing all your time
Here’s the strategic move:
Invest in leadership.
Because most of these problems?
They start with managers who were never set up to lead well.
Now look at this chart 👇
Only 21% of employees are engaged globally.
But in best-practice organisations? That’s 70%.
What’s the difference?
It starts with leaders.
Managers who know how to have hard conversations.
Who drive performance and make people feel seen, safe and motivated.
Leadership development isn’t just an L&D initiative—
it’s a fire prevention system for HR. Curious what this could look like in your company?
DM me and let’s map it out.
How Important is Productivity in Leadership?
I had a coaching session recently that brought back something personal.
I used to lead with one priority: get things done. Task-first. No small talk. Just results.
“Blue/Red” on DISC, if you know it.
Back then, I saw work as a series of checklists. What mattered was getting through them as efficiently as possible.
But that mindset, left unchecked, costs more than it gives.
Because one day, I asked myself:
If I do this for 40 years—just execute, just produce—what’s left at the end?
A clean inbox?
We spend most of our waking life at work. If we don’t build relationships there—if we don’t create meaning—what are we really doing?
I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about squeezing every drop of output from your day.
It’s about being kind. Honest. Doing work that matters.
No one follows a checklist. They follow someone they believe in.
If you’re stuck in a perpetual “just get it done” mode, take a breath.
Then ask: what actually matters?
When Do You Become Too Self-critical?
“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?
There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:
Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.
We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”
But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.
🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.
It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.
Here’s what helps me reframe:
“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”
That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.
Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.
What if your biggest sign of worth isn’t your car, title, or the number on your pay check?
What if it’s your personality?
What if we worried more about living a life always trying to fit in, instead of worrying about person X’s opinion on our slide deck?
What if we lay awake at night because we failed to make everyone in our team feel heard, not because we missed our (still important) quarterly objectives?
What if we feared going through life always wearing a mask, instead of being judged by people who don’t know us well?
What if we swapped some Instagram scrolling for a few pages of a thought-provoking book?
What if some of the time we spend in the gym, at the hairdresser, or shopping for clothes went into strengthening our character?
This idea runs through Nietzsche’s work (minus Instagram, the gym, and the hairdresser 😉):
Creating the self—your character—as a work of art.
Not to gain acceptance or respect from others.
Not modelled on how you think others want to see you.
But in the way you want to. Your unique personal style.
Not style as in how you dress, but the deepest expression of your values, commitments, and way of being.
This process takes reflection, courage, and the willingness to face challenges.
Less worrying about people’s opinions. More following your passions and self-expression.
Less uniformity and mediocrity. More uniqueness and creativity.
More life-affirmation, humour, and courage. Less playing safe.
But what about my numbers and KPIs?
I believe this path often turns you into someone others want to follow.
And then your KPIs tend to follow too.
Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior as a Manager
It was the sigh for me.
That long, dramatic exhale in the middle of our meeting—the kind that doesn’t need words to say:
“Let’s not pretend we like each other, and finish this meeting asap.”
The kind that makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward.
And what did I do?
I smiled.
Nodded.
Acted like all was well.
This was early in my leadership career, and back then, my go-to strategy for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior was… well, 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲.
I didn’t want to make it worse.
Didn’t want to seem harsh or overly “bossy.”
I wanted to keep the relationship strong.
But here’s what I’ve learned since:
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.
Because the more I ignored it, the more it showed up.
And the more I stayed silent, the harder it became to speak up.
Today, I handle it differently.
I say something like:
“Hey—I sensed a bit of tension in our last conversation. Can we talk about it?”
Curious.
Calm.
Clear.
It’s not about calling someone 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
It’s about calling them 𝘪𝘯.
Because leadership isn’t about being liked at all costs.
It’s about creating relationships rooted in respect—and the kind of honesty that actually builds trust.
The Power of Your Expectations
How much do you really believe in your team’s potential?
The expectations you set for them could be the difference between success and stagnation.
The Pygmalion Effect shows us that when you expect your team to succeed, they’re more likely to do so.
But the Golem Effect tells us the opposite:
If you expect little, your team may underperform—whether you intend that or not.
I wish I knew about these effects a few years ago, as they’re very real.
Your beliefs can either limit or amplify your team’s growth.
High expectations encourage initiative, creativity, and responsibility.
Low expectations breed hesitation and a lack of engagement.
To maximize your team’s potential, focus on the power of your belief in them.
Challenge yourself:
Are you empowering your team through trust and high expectations?
Or are you holding them back with doubt?
🔺Are you looking for an incompany management training? I’d love to discuss this further!
How To Stop Negativity From Spreading In Your Team
Negativity spreads fast.
One complaint turns into a group venting session.
One frustration becomes the team’s mood.
I’ve seen it happen. And as a manager, it can make you feel powerless.
Especially when the frustration is about things outside your control—like salaries, company policies, or strategic decisions made higher up.
You don’t want to silence people. They have the right to voice concerns.
At the same time, research shows that some ways of dealing with negativity—like avoidance, suppression, or manipulation—only make things worse. Instead of resolving tension, these approaches allow negativity to fester or resurface in unproductive ways.
So, how do you manage it?
1. Acknowledge, but don’t amplify
Let people vent, but don’t fuel the fire.
“I hear you. This is frustrating. What do you think we can do within our control?”
Redirect the conversation toward action.
2. Reframe the narrative
Negativity thrives in a vacuum. If people lack context, they assume the worst.
As a manager, you can help reframe the situation:
“I get why this feels unfair, but here’s the bigger picture…”
This is called reappraisal—shifting how we interpret a situation. Studies show that once a new perspective spreads among 25-40% of a group, the rest will likely adopt it too.
3. Set the emotional tone
Your team will take cues from you. Stay calm, steady, and constructive.
Negativity isn’t the enemy. But letting it take over is.
Strong leaders don’t ignore emotions. They help teams process them—without getting stuck.
Managing Former Peers as a New Leader
“We’re still cool, right?”
That unspoken question lingers the moment you go from peer to boss.
Yesterday, you were part of the inside jokes, the venting sessions, the after-work drinks.
Today, you’re the one approving time off, giving feedback, making tough calls.
And suddenly… things feel different.
The casual banter gets more careful.
The invites to lunch slow down.
Some teammates hold back—like they’re not sure if you’re still their friend or their boss.
That shift can feel isolating.
No one tells you how lonely leadership can be.
You can’t lead if you’re too busy trying to be liked.
A lot of new managers hesitate to set boundaries.
They soften feedback.
They avoid tough calls.
But trying to keep everyone comfortable?
That’s exactly what makes things weird.
The fix? Be clear. Be fair. Be human.
Acknowledge the shift.
Have an open conversation: “I know this is a transition for all of us. I’ll always be upfront with you.”
Set expectations early.
Create clarity—what stays the same, what will be different, and how you’ll lead.
Be consistent.
No overcorrecting. No playing favorites. Just fairness across the board.
When it seems like you have to pick between leadership and friendship, remember your real job is to guide the team. Strong relationships help, but focusing too hard on popularity pulls you away from your responsibilities.
Support matters in leadership, but so does accountability. Making tough decisions, setting boundaries, and using your authority come with the territory. Friendliness is fine, as long as it doesn’t undermine fairness or progress.
People don’t need a boss chasing popularity; they need someone they can respect. Real respect grows from clarity, fairness, and consistency—every day.
Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it?