Tag: feedback

How to Handle Criticism at Work

How to handle criticism at work… It’s a question I often get. My reply: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹 𝗶𝘁?

Two people hear the same sentence from their boss. One feels judged. The other feels motivated. The words are identical. The reaction isn’t. Why?

Because the label, criticism or feedback, can’t be found in the words. It’s created in the mind of the receiver.

This is where the real power lies. You decide how much weight to give feedback. Some of it will be clumsy. Some will be unfair. Some will be pure gold. If you can sort, not absorb everything, you win. To take what serves you, and let the rest pass.

We often forget no one is perfect. Not you, not me, not the person giving feedback. We’re all trying our best, often imperfectly. Holding onto the illusion that you should look flawless makes feedback feel like a personal attack. Drop the illusion, and feedback becomes easier to hear.

Because in the end, the leaders who grow are not the ones who protect their image. They’re the ones who keep asking, “What can I learn here?” Over time, that choice changes everything.

Of course, this change doesn’t happen overnight. Curiosity is a muscle, and muscles strengthen slowly. So here’s an invitation: over the next five months, practice trading a little defensiveness for a little more curiosity each time feedback comes your way.

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟬 – 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲: “I don’t think that’s accurate.”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟭 – 𝟴𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟮𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I don’t really agree with that… but can you give me an example?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟮 – 𝟲𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟰𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That feels off to me. What do you see that makes you say it?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟯 – 𝟰𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟲𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “It’s hard to hear, though I think there may be truth in it. Can you tell me more?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟰 – 𝟮𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟴𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “I hadn’t thought of it that way. What else are you noticing?”
𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝟱 – 𝟬% 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 / 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: “That’s helpful. What’s one thing I could do differently next time?”

So…how to handle criticism at work? With curiosity.

Five months of practice might feel small now, but in five years, it could be the reason your career looks entirely different.

How to Handle Performance Reviews Without Losing Trust as a New Manager

Clammy hands. Lead in your shoes. A conversation you don’t want to have.

You feel your team member has been underperforming this year. You’ve been struggling with what to tell him. The rating you’re giving him means no salary increase. You know he disagrees and that the conversation might escalate.

You prepare for an unpleasant experience. Hoping for the best.

<<pause here>>

Performance reviews. Still used in many companies, and about as fun as getting a root canal.

But they don’t have to be.

What can help you make these conversations easier?

𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀.

Without these, it’s hard to fairly assess their performance, and explain your decision.

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿.

There should be no surprises during a performance review conversation. It should be a high-level summary of all performance related conversations that year. Most of us postpone feedback because we fear confrontation. The reason? The incorrect assumption that giving feedback is a negative thing. It’s not. Giving constructive feedback is an essential part of your work, and necessary for your team to grow.

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱.

As a manager, some decisions, like who gets which raise or promotion, will piss of certain people. That’s why it’s so important to act with clarity and integrity, setting clear goals, and being able to explain your decisions.

People might get emotional, even angry. That’s okay. When that happens, give them some space to either vent or let it out. During heated moments, pause talking about the topic itself, address the emotions calmy, and continue with the topic when things have settled down.

Even if you do all these things, you still might have to deliver bad news (like no raises due to budget cuts). The better you can explain your team why, the easier the conversation. And the better you understand your management’s reasoning, the better you can pass on the message. Don’t be afraid to ask your manager all the questions you need in order to do this.

When done well, performance reviews mean your team knows what success looks like, how to get there, and how they’ll be rewarded.

performance review

Feedback and Growth: What Most Professionals Get Wrong

Picture this moment we’ve all had…

You just finished a big client presentation.
The energy in the room was great. People were nodding. You’re feeling proud.

Then someone leans in and says,
“Hey… you’ve got toilet paper stuck to your shoe.”

Your smile drops.
And suddenly, you don’t feel so confident anymore.

You start judging the person who told you.
You think about how they’re always late.
How their own work isn’t perfect.
And for days, you stay annoyed—not about the paper, but about them pointing it out.

Sounds silly, right?
Of course you’d want to know.
You’d fix it, maybe laugh, and move on.

But when someone points out something more personal?
That’s when it gets hard.

“You talk over people.”
“Your follow-through isn’t great.”
“You seem disconnected in meetings.”

And just like that, your brain kicks in:
Who are they to say that?
They don’t know what I’m dealing with.
Look who’s talking.

I’ve done it too.
Getting defensive instead of listening.
Focusing on who said it instead of what they said.

And here’s what I’ve learned:
When feedback feels personal, it can trigger something deeper.
It touches the part of us that worries we’re not good enough.
So we push it away.
But that reaction is what keeps us stuck.

It holds us back from growing.
From getting promoted.
From seeing the things everyone else already sees.

Here’s what helped me:

1️⃣ Pause. Don’t react right away.
2️⃣ Ask: “Is there a bit of truth in this?”
3️⃣ Write it down. Look at it again tomorrow with fresh eyes.

You don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback.
But if you never take a moment to really hear it,
you might miss the one thing that could help you move forward.

A controversial take on giving feedback..

Sometimes, not giving feedback is selfish.

We avoid it for two main reasons:

We want to be liked.
We fear confrontation.

Both are natural, but they’re also self-centered.

By holding back, we deny the other person a chance to grow. We think we’re sparing them, but really, we’re protecting ourselves.

I used to do this all the time early in my career. I withheld feedback, afraid of being disliked, or gave it only to boost my team’s performance, which ultimately served my interests. Neither approach worked.

Here’s what I’ve learned: feedback, when done right, is an act of care.

Give it regularly. Make it constructive—something they can actually use to improve.

Consider both dimensions:

Rational: Be specific. Give it promptly. Offer clear suggestions for improvement.
Emotional: Come from a place of genuine care. Don’t see the person as a problem to be fixed, but as someone worth investing in.

When feedback is both clear and compassionate, people will be more open to it.

It’s normal for it to feel awkward, especially when you’re new to leadership.

But if you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not leading.

Try it out, and let me know how it goes.

Leadership

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

This might be controversial, but here’s something we need to talk about…

Social media is flooded with leadership quotes. We like them, we share them, and we think, “Gosh, when will my manager finally get this?” 🙄

But how often do we take a hard look at our own leadership?

Here’s the irony – most managers are on LinkedIn daily, yet many teams are still struggling.

It’s easy to scroll through content and believe the advice is for others. But true leadership starts with self-examination.

Are we actively seeking out feedback, especially when it’s tough to hear? Do we confront our own shortcomings?

Next time you come across a leadership quote, challenge yourself: Am I living up to this standard with my team?

If yes – how can you actually verify if this is true?

Keep the Dunning-Kruger effect in mind – people who objectively score among the bottom 0-25% on a particular skill rate themselves in the 50-75% bracket.

Unconscious incompetence is quite common.

❗ If you believe you’re doing great, but your team is consistently difficult or disengaged, it might be a sign to reevaluate your approach.

Here’s the truth – the leaders who practice honest self-reflection grow the fastest. They get promoted faster, score better on performance reviews, and lead happier teams.

Let’s not just scroll through inspirational quotes. Let’s live them.

Imagine the impact you could have by truly applying these principles.

Reflect deeply, lead with authenticity, and watch your team – and yourself – flourish. 💪

Leadership Leadership Leadership Management Management Management self-development

How To Have Difficult Conversations As Manager?

Struggling with tough conversations as a new manager? You’re not alone—over 90% of your peers feel the same.

I’ve certainly been there. Feeling anxious before feedback sessions or dreading delivering bad news.

So what turns your regular chat into a difficult conversation?

1) 𝗢𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 ➡ ⬅
2) The 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 ❗
3) 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 run high 😨

Ironically, the more important the conversation, the harder it is to handle it well.

To guide you, I’ve created these slides for you. The information comes from a book I love: 𝘊𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.

With over 4 million copies sold, it’s a game-changer for leaders.

It helped me tremendously in my career. I hope it can help you too.

If you want to discuss specific situations that you find challenging, do reach out, I’d love to help.

See -Free Downloads- for the PDF file.

crucial conversations difficult conversations Management

Tag: feedback

How to Handle Criticism at Work

How to Handle Performance Reviews Without Losing Trust as a New Manager

Feedback and Growth: What Most Professionals Get Wrong

A controversial take on giving feedback..

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

How To Have Difficult Conversations As Manager?

info@davidbuirs.com

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