Struggling with tough conversations as a new manager? You’re not aloneโover 90% of your peers feel the same.
I’ve certainly been there. Feeling anxious before feedback sessions or dreading delivering bad news.
So what turns your regular chat into a difficult conversation?
1) ๐ข๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ถ๐ฒ๐๐ย โก โฌ 2) The ๐ผ๐๐๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ โ 3) ๐๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ run high ๐จ
Ironically, the more important the conversation, the harder it is to handle it well.
To guide you, Iโve created these slides for you. The information comes from a book I love: ๐๐ณ๐ถ๐ค๐ช๐ข๐ญ ๐๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด.
With over 4 million copies sold, itโs a game-changer for leaders.
It helped me tremendously in my career. I hope it can help you too.
If you want to discuss specific situations that you find challenging, do reach out, I’d love to help.
Our greatest fear? Not nuclear apocalypse or robot overlords, but something ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ญ๐บ horrifying: surviving two hours phone-free.
So, challenge accepted โ last Sunday I ventured into the unknown at a Digital Detox event organized by The Offline Club in Amsterdam – kudos to Ilya Kneppelhout for hosting it.
The rules were simple: surrender your phone at the door and engage in some old school, wholesome activities like reading, face-to-face conversations, board games or even (๐ฑ) writing.
No scrolling, no notifications, and no social media. The effects? I came out feeling recharged and connected.
The truth is, we’re all phone addicts. Look around any bus or trainโevery face is lit up by the glow of a screen, lost in a digital world, starving for genuine connection but endlessly scrolling social media.
We need our phones and itโs hard to live without social media โ Iโm writing this on a social platform โ but most of us feel weโve become ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ dependent on them.
Itโs a tough battle: apps are designed to be addictive, success being measured in time spent on the app. A 2023 University of Michigan study even shows teens get an average 240 (!) phone notifications every day.
The impact on your brain? Increased stress, anxiety, and less ability to focus โ both at work and in our private lives.
What can you do? – Turn off notifications – Set time-limits on apps – When in conversation, keep phones from the table – Create phone-free rooms (bedroom) or moments (lunch, dinner) – Use the grayscale mode on your phone (for iPhone โ Settings โ Accessibility โ Display Text & Size โ Color Filters)
After I came home I discovered I forgot something: my phone, which was still in the box. To me, thatโs a successful event. ๐
This week, I’m committing to one hour daily of digital silence. ๐ต
With AI increasingly handling technical tasks, the spotlight is on human skills โ those essential, automation-resistant qualities that enrich our work interactions.
Think empathy, compassion, intuition, and leadership; they’re not just nice to have, they’re crucial for your career success.
Recent insights from 650 L&D and HR leaders confirm this trend, placing human skills on the second highest priority on the L&D agenda, just after business skills. As AI transforms technical work, the human touch grows in importance.
Particularly for leaders, strong human skills are becoming indispensable. (โ๐๐ฐ๐ง๐ต ๐ด๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ดโ? – 2023 called, they want you back).
Case in point: “Manager effectiveness”, which is includes human skills like leadership and adaptability, is now the #1 concern for HR leaders worldwide (๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ: ๐๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข ๐๐ฐ๐ฃ ๐๐ฌ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ด ๐๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต 2024). This indicates a growing emphasis on these competencies in modern management.
If you’re ready to develop these skills but unsure where to start, consider Active Listening, a foundational element of true connection and communication.
Transitioning from listening to analyze to listening to understand was a personal gamechanger for me. ๐ก
This key skill strongly supports workplace communication and relationships. There are plenty of resources, including many free YouTube videos, to help you get started.
Enhancing these human skills in 2024 and beyond will not only keep us relevant, but also amplify our impact in an AI-driven professional world.
At the beginning of this new year, take a moment to consider: which human skill do you want to strengthen in 2024? Your choice could significantly shape your professional path.
Having explored the value of showing appreciation in our professional lives, I’m curious to hear about your experiences. Did it bring a new energy to your work interactions?
Today Iโd love to share some insights with you around how gratitude can benefit you in your personal life.
Feeling grateful has been scientifically proven to trigger positive changes in your brain. It boosts the production of serotonin and dopamine โ the neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of happiness and well-being.
At the same time, it lowers cortisol levels, effectively reducing stress.
An easy way to embed gratitude in your life, is to start a gratitude journal. Each day, take a moment to write down three things you’re grateful for. These could be simple joys, friends or loved ones, or the beauty in everyday moments.
Or, integrate gratitude into a daily ritual, like sipping your morning coffee, to reflect on who or what brings positivity into your life.
Personally, I try to include the often-overlooked miracles in my gratitude practice. Our ability to see the sunrise, hear music, or simply the fact of being alive today are extraordinary gifts. Recognizing these aspects can bring a deeper sense of appreciation and joy to your life.
I encourage you to try a two-minute daily practice for the next two weeks, and to avoid negative thoughts or words during those 2 minutes. Research shows this leads to the biggest results. Observe how this small commitment can lead to a noticeable shift in your stress levels and overall happiness.
It’s not just skills or hard workโit’s the climate of trust they operate in, where making mistakes is not a fireable offense but a growth opportunity.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending an eye-opening workshop by Gabriele Galassi, organized by the inspiring the D2 collective.
The topic: psychological safety at work.
A standout insight?
Googleโs research shows that top teams succeed not because they are smarter, but because there is more psychological safety.
Safer to speak up, challenge norms, make mistakes, report errors and give each other tough feedback.
A few more learnings from yesterday I want to share with you:
๐ Having a great variation of nationalities on a team promotes psychological safety.
๐ Team cohesion is another strong predictor of performance. Teams where members are willing and able to establish strong relationships, to listen and feel empathy for each other and to give and take feedback, perform better than regular teams.
๐ In the workplace, we start overvaluing tasks over relationships. Starting the day with a relationship-building exercise over a task-oriented meeting, can have surprisingly beneficial results.
๐ A characteristic of high-performing teams is that members speak roughly in equal measure, keeping contributions short and sweet.
Improving psychological safety and team cohesion is one of the topics I work on with my ambitious leadership development clients.
Do you want to boost your teamโs performance too?
Too hard or too soft? It’s not a pillow questionโit’s about leadership style.
An effective leader knows how to combine assertiveness with empathy.
Assertiveness doesn’t mean being harsh; it’s about finding the right balance between passivity and aggression.
Empathy isn’t about just accepting everything – it’s about truly understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings.
A 2500-year-old practice I’ve grown to love for increasing empathy and compassion is ‘Metta’, or ‘loving-kindness’ meditation.
I was skeptical at first, but integrating it into my routine increased my empathy and changed how I connect with others.
How to practice ‘๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฎ’?
๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฎ ๐ค๐๐ถ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ผ๐: Sit comfortably, close your eyes.
๐ฉ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐: Start by picturing your best friend. Wish them health, happiness, and well-being. Connect with these feelings.
๐๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ฒ: Gradually move to someone neutral, like a helpful store clerk, and then to someone you have difficulties with or don’t like.
๐ช๐ถ๐๐ต ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐ช๐ฒ๐น๐น: Remember, this isnโt just for them; itโs for enhancing your own emotional powers.
By practicing these steps, you’re strengthening your empathy muscle by creating stronger neural pathways for compassion and empathy in your brain.
Interested in mastering both assertive and empathetic leadership?
Letโs chat about how these skills can transform your approach and help you lead more effectively.
Remember those 30-minute one-on-one meetings that felt more like a cozy chat than a productive meeting? We laughed, we talked, but often missed the key points.
It turns out, most managers, myself included, learned to conduct effective 1:1s more through slow experience than quick training.
Good 1:1s meet both the work and personal needs of your team.
Here’s how to make yours better:
1. ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ธ-๐ถ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น-๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ป๐ด: Be genuinely curious and caring about how your direct reports are doing. Example questions: “How did you feel this week?” “What was your best moment?” “How has your week been?”
2. ๐จ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐ผ๐ผ๐น ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ญ:๐ญ๐: Tools like Asana, Jira, or even Google Sheets are great to track your meetings. Both you and your team member should add updates and agenda points, and review those, before the meeting.
3. ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ฎ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐น๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ๐บ๐ฎ๐: Follow a set agenda. Cover open topics, action items, blockers, questions and successes. Save your valuable meeting time for discussion – you can share regular updates through the online tool.
4. ๐ฃ๐๐ป๐ฐ๐๐๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐: Starting on time and avoiding cancellations shows respect. It signals to your team you value their time.
5. ๐๐ผ๐น๐น๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฝ: If you promise to take an action, update your team on the progress. Itโs a great way to build trust. Ask the same from your team.
6. ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด: For leaders, information is gold. The leader that listens well has a big advantage. Listening also makes your team feel heard and cared about. (We all overestimate our ability to listen.)
7. ๐๐๐ธ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐น๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐พ๐๐ฒ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐: Encourage them to think and reflect about their week. Ask about highlights and challenges. Instead of giving your ideal solution right away, ask them what they think first. This supports growth and learning.
Using these tips, you can turn 1:1s from simple chats into powerful tools for growth and success.
“Thereโs never enough time in the day! What can I do about this?โ ๐ In our professional lives, urgent tasks and looming deadlines can leave us feeling stretched thin and stressed, draining our energy and creating anxiety.
This challenge echoes through the experiences of many professionals I’ve connected with recently. Especially in dynamic and high-pressure industries, the struggle to find time for what truly matters is real.
We prioritize the urgent over the important.
The price we pay? We neglect investing in ourselves. We constantly put out fires, and donโt get to doing those things that prevent fires from breaking out or prepare us best for future opportunities.
โถ Enter the Important vs Urgent (โEisenhowerโ) matrix, a game-changer for those shifting from a reactive to a strategic approach.
Saying no to or delegating urgent but not important tasks might feel counterintuitive initially, but frees up precious time for activities that actually move the needle for you โ whether itโs learning about new technologies, staying up to date on case law, or following that leadership, mindfulness or communication training.
The template below can help you reprioritize your time and energy. โก
And when you freed up that time, how can you be the most effective? Tip #1: Avoid distractions.
The constant need to respond immediately to messages and emails hijacks productivity and creates stress. Did you know it takes an average of 23 minutes to refocus after a distraction?
Scheduling uninterrupted time for your important work is a huge productivity booster. Here are 3 tips:
ยทย ย ย ย ย ย Try setting your OOO to โFocussed work time โ call for emergenciesโ for an hour daily, and turn off Teams. ๐คซ ยทย ย ย ย ย ย Use the ‘Pomodoro technique’ (named after a pomodoro kitchen timer): 25 minutes of focused work, 5-minute break, repeat 3-4 times. ๐ ยทย ย ย ย ย ย Turn your phone’s messaging notifications off and put it out of sight. ๐ต
Freeing up this time can make a big impact over time: freeing up 2 hours for important work per week translates to around 100 hours per year.ย
See ‘Free Downloads‘ for the Eisenhower Matrix PDF.
