Author: davidbuirs.com

Managing people you don’t like

David Buirs Management Trainer

How to Increase Employee Engagement?

Are you responsible for the happiness of your people?

You want to build a culture of engagement—
but urgent stuff keeps winning:

💥 Engagement pulse scores trending down
💥 Back-to-back vacancies in the same team
💥 A new HR tool rollout stealing all your time

Here’s the strategic move:
Invest in leadership.

Because most of these problems?
They start with managers who were never set up to lead well.

Now look at this chart 👇
Only 21% of employees are engaged globally.
But in best-practice organisations? That’s 70%.

What’s the difference?

It starts with leaders.
Managers who know how to have hard conversations.
Who drive performance and make people feel seen, safe and motivated.

Leadership development isn’t just an L&D initiative—
it’s a fire prevention system for HR. Curious what this could look like in your company?
DM me and let’s map it out.

How Important is Productivity in Leadership?

I had a coaching session recently that brought back something personal.
I used to lead with one priority: get things done. Task-first. No small talk. Just results.

“Blue/Red” on DISC, if you know it.
Back then, I saw work as a series of checklists. What mattered was getting through them as efficiently as possible.
But that mindset, left unchecked, costs more than it gives.

Because one day, I asked myself:
If I do this for 40 years—just execute, just produce—what’s left at the end?
A clean inbox?
We spend most of our waking life at work. If we don’t build relationships there—if we don’t create meaning—what are we really doing?

I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about squeezing every drop of output from your day.
It’s about being kind. Honest. Doing work that matters.

No one follows a checklist. They follow someone they believe in.
If you’re stuck in a perpetual “just get it done” mode, take a breath.
Then ask: what actually matters?

Kindness or Pleasing?

You helped, smiled, nodded… and walked away annoyed.
We’ve all done it.

When we please, we’re often hoping for something in return. Approval, respect, appreciation.
But when that return doesn’t come, we’re left feeling used, bitter, or just plain tired.

That’s because pleasing isn’t kindness.
It’s a quiet transaction, disguised as niceness.
And when it fails, the emotional cost is yours alone.

Kindness, by contrast, is clean. It gives without expectation, and feels lighter, not heavier.

In leadership, the difference isn’t academic.
One builds trust. The other erodes it silently.

Have you caught yourself doing the second, when you meant the first?

When Do You Become Too Self-critical?

“I’m just holding myself to a high standard.”
Are you?
Or are you just being harsh?

There’s a subtle trap many high performers fall into—especially new managers:

Mistaking self-criticism for motivation.

We think:
☑ “If I don’t push myself, I’ll get lazy.”
☑ “That wasn’t good enough—I should’ve done better.”
☑ “I need to be tough on myself, or I won’t improve.”

But neuroscience and psychology tell a different story.

🔬 Studies show that self-compassion, not self-judgment, leads to higher resilience, motivation, and long-term growth.

It’s not about going easy on yourself.
It’s about not tearing yourself down.

Here’s what helps me reframe:

“I did my best with the resources I had at that moment. Now, what can I learn for next time?”

That mindset still drives improvement—but without the emotional bruising.

Leadership is already tough. You don’t have to lead yourself with a whip.

anxiety Leadership Management

What if your biggest sign of worth isn’t your car, title, or the number on your pay check?

David Buirs | Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

What if it’s your personality?

What if we worried more about living a life always trying to fit in, instead of worrying about person X’s opinion on our slide deck?
What if we lay awake at night because we failed to make everyone in our team feel heard, not because we missed our (still important) quarterly objectives?
What if we feared going through life always wearing a mask, instead of being judged by people who don’t know us well?

What if we swapped some Instagram scrolling for a few pages of a thought-provoking book?
What if some of the time we spend in the gym, at the hairdresser, or shopping for clothes went into strengthening our character?

This idea runs through Nietzsche’s work (minus Instagram, the gym, and the hairdresser 😉):
Creating the self—your character—as a work of art.
Not to gain acceptance or respect from others.
Not modelled on how you think others want to see you.
But in the way you want to. Your unique personal style.

Not style as in how you dress, but the deepest expression of your values, commitments, and way of being.

This process takes reflection, courage, and the willingness to face challenges.
Less worrying about people’s opinions. More following your passions and self-expression.
Less uniformity and mediocrity. More uniqueness and creativity.
More life-affirmation, humour, and courage. Less playing safe.

But what about my numbers and KPIs?
I believe this path often turns you into someone others want to follow.
And then your KPIs tend to follow too.

How to Up-Manage Well

Not all rising leaders are the loudest or most experienced ones.

Some are just quietly doing something most people overlook:

They think like owners—and that includes how they manage up.

It’s not just about leading your team.
It’s about supporting your manager too:
→ Keeping them informed
→ Flagging issues early
→ Helping them avoid surprises

Because when you practice up-management well,
you earn freedom.
You stop getting micromanaged.
You get pulled into real decisions.
You start getting seen differently—like someone who gets the bigger picture.

A few ways to start:
✅ Keep a shared doc with live updates—they’ll never have to chase
✅ Ask: “What could I do this week to make your job easier?”
✅ Offer a possible fix with every issue—even a rough one is better than none

How to Make Meetings More Effective?

It’s 13:58.
You’ve just spent 58 minutes nodding, bouncing ideas, feeling like “𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.”

Then someone says:
“𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭’𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 — 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭”

𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸.
𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.
You stare at your screen, slightly dazed, mildly irritated, already bracing for the next one.
And it hits you:
𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴?
Who’s doing what? By when?

We’ve all been there many times.

It wasn’t really a meeting.
It was a conversation with a calendar invite.
And conversations — without clarity — don’t drive results.

Here’s the fix:

📌 In the last 3 minutes, ask:

𝙒𝙝𝙤 is doing something?
𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 exactly are they doing?
𝘽𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 will it be done?

Then start your next meeting by checking in on those three.

When meetings end with 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽,
you’ll need fewer of them — and get more done.

And the holy grail?
You might even get to say the sexiest line in corporate life:
“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺.”

You don’t even have to be the host.
Just say:
“𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯?”

Try it once. Your future self will thank you.

meetings

Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior as a Manager

It was the sigh for me.

That long, dramatic exhale in the middle of our meeting—the kind that doesn’t need words to say:

“Let’s not pretend we like each other, and finish this meeting asap.”
The kind that makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward.

And what did I do?
I smiled.
Nodded.
Acted like all was well.

This was early in my leadership career, and back then, my go-to strategy for dealing with passive-aggressive behavior was… well, 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲.

I didn’t want to make it worse.
Didn’t want to seem harsh or overly “bossy.”
I wanted to keep the relationship strong.

But here’s what I’ve learned since:
𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.

Because the more I ignored it, the more it showed up.
And the more I stayed silent, the harder it became to speak up.

Today, I handle it differently.

I say something like:
“Hey—I sensed a bit of tension in our last conversation. Can we talk about it?”

Curious.
Calm.
Clear.

It’s not about calling someone 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
It’s about calling them 𝘪𝘯.

Because leadership isn’t about being liked at all costs.
It’s about creating relationships rooted in respect—and the kind of honesty that actually builds trust.

conflicts at work passive-agressive

The Power of Your Expectations

How much do you really believe in your team’s potential?

The expectations you set for them could be the difference between success and stagnation.

The Pygmalion Effect shows us that when you expect your team to succeed, they’re more likely to do so.

But the Golem Effect tells us the opposite:
If you expect little, your team may underperform—whether you intend that or not.

I wish I knew about these effects a few years ago, as they’re very real.

Your beliefs can either limit or amplify your team’s growth.

High expectations encourage initiative, creativity, and responsibility.
Low expectations breed hesitation and a lack of engagement.

To maximize your team’s potential, focus on the power of your belief in them.

Challenge yourself:
Are you empowering your team through trust and high expectations?
Or are you holding them back with doubt?

🔺Are you looking for an incompany management training? I’d love to discuss this further!

performance management