HR- or L&D Manager: You are not a firefighter, even if your workday feels like it

David Buirs | Leadership & Executive Coach

Summary: This article addresses HR managers dealing with high operational pressure due to inexperienced first-time leaders. It explores the psychological transition from specialist to manager and the necessity of personal leadership as a foundation. The content highlights the 7:1 ROI of management training to reduce turnover and absenteeism and improve engagement and retention.

You open your inbox and there is the first sick report of the day again. Followed by a message from a frustrated employee who “needs to talk” about their manager. You know exactly what is happening. That one talented specialist who was promoted six months ago is stuck. He is working harder than ever, but his team is falling apart. For these experts, targeted management training for new managers is crucial to make the leap from content to impact.


Searching for the right course

New managers often lack a clear compass in the beginning. They fall back on their intuition or on how they were once managed themselves, which is not always the best blueprint for their current team. Sometimes they are overconfident and steamroll over people with a tunnel vision on results. Others withdraw and become too detached out of fear of making mistakes. You see them searching: one day too task-oriented and authoritarian, the next day too soft because they do not want to lose the connection. These fluctuations in style cause a restlessness that lands directly on your desk.


Why HR often needs to “clean up the mess”

It is a classic pattern for which you pay the price. A good technical expert is pushed into a leadership role without hesitation. The result? A manager who micromanages because he does not dare to let go of the wheel. And who gets to conduct the difficult conversations, manage the absenteeism, and handle the exit interviews when talent leaves? You.

This constant patching up eats your calendar. You simply do not get to the strategic work you were actually hired for. You are busy all day closing holes in the culture caused by faltering leadership. Targeted management training for new managers prevents HR from remaining the organization’s cleanup crew.


Stop the bleeding with personal leadership

Real leadership is not a list of skills you simply check off. It starts with the courage to look in the mirror. We must return to the foundation: Personal Leadership. Only when a manager understands why he holds on to that control so convulsively or why he avoids that confrontation does something change on the shop floor. Without that psychological depth, any management training remains a case of mopping with the tap open.


The calculation your Board understands

Let’s be honest: you also have to sell this internally. The cost of high employee turnover in teams is enormous, but the solution pays for itself twice over. Figures show that every dollar you put into decent leadership development yields an average of 7 dollars in value.

That means less absenteeism, lower recruitment costs, and above all: a team that runs independently again. It gives you the space to be that strategic partner again instead of the permanent crisis manager. A good investment in leadership coaching or management training for new managers is therefore not a cost, but pure profit for the peace in your organization.

Schedule a free introduction call here to discuss the possibilities for your context.

Performance review tips for managers

David Buirs - Leadership Coach & Management Trainer

Performance review tips for managers: how to run a conversation that actually works

David Buirs is a leadership coach in the Amsterdam region. This article gives concrete performance review tips for managers. You will learn how to run a review without surprises, with a clear yardstick built on KPIs, OKRs, development goals and behavior, and how to fully understand decisions from your own manager before passing them on to your team.

You stare at the calendar. Next Friday, three o'clock. The conversation you'd rather push to next quarter. You know this team member isn't performing. And you also know you've let it slide for months.

Welcome to the performance review as most managers (new or experienced) run it. Once a year, badly prepared, no clear yardstick, with the quiet hope that it won't be too painful.

Why most performance reviews barely move the needle

Gallup studied how employees worldwide experience their performance reviews. The findings are sobering. Only 21% say their review motivates them to do better work. Only 2% of CHROs in the Fortune 500 believe their own performance management system is effective. And about a third of all reviews actually make performance worse, not better. You can read the Gallup research here.

These numbers point to a system that keeps falling into the same trap.

The cause is almost always identical. The review comes too late, is too vague, and feels to the employee like an opinion rather than an account of facts. The manager has said little throughout the year. At year-end, twenty minutes have to cover what should have been discussed months earlier.

For you as a manager, this is good news. If you do it differently, you stand out. Your people benefit. And your own manager notices.

No surprises. Not a single one.

The most important rule: a good performance review contains no new information.

If your team member hears for the first time that they are falling short on something they had no idea about, you have failed. Because you saved something for November that should have been raised in March. That isn't fair. And it doesn't work.

The review is a summary of a year. What you discuss should already be familiar from at least four or five 1:1 conversations earlier. The official meeting puts it in writing. Nothing more.

This requires regular check-ins from you, short notes throughout the year, and the courage to address small things in the moment. Not waiting until they grow into something big.

Know exactly what you're evaluating on

This is where many managers get stuck. They evaluate on gut feel. No clear yardstick. Which makes every conversation feel arbitrary.

My advice: build your evaluation framework on at least four components.

KPIs. KPI stands for Key Performance Indicator. A measurable number that shows whether a goal is being met. Think revenue, conversion, delivery time, customer satisfaction. Non-negotiable. Known at the start of the year, visible all year long.

OKRs. OKR stands for Objectives and Key Results. An ambitious objective tied to two to four measurable key results that show whether you have achieved it. OKRs go beyond business as usual. They define where the team is trying to grow.

Self-defined development goals. Let your team member formulate one challenging development goal themselves. Something personal. Improving a difficult conversation skill, building a new area of expertise, daring to present to senior leadership. The condition: it has to be genuinely challenging. Otherwise people write down something they would have done anyway. And then your job doesn't stop there. Coach them throughout the year to actually reach that goal. Bring it back into your 1:1s. Ask how it's going. Make space for them to practice and reflect.

How someone behaves. How they collaborate. Whether they show up in line with company values. Someone who delivers 100% of her results but consistently belittles colleagues should not get a strong review. Results without behavior is half a review.

With these four corners in place, your team member knows exactly what you're looking at. And what they can influence themselves.

Talk to HR before the year starts

An important nuance: in most companies, you can't fully define these criteria yourself. Especially around company values, behavioral criteria, and formal rating scales, much is set centrally. That's HR's territory.

So talk to HR before the year begins. Which criteria are fixed by the organization? What freedom do you have to set your own emphasis, for example on KPIs or development goals for your team? How do company values weigh into the final review?

If HR is leaving this loose or vague, don't wait. Take the initiative. Suggest a conversation. Ask where the clarity can be sharpened. That's the kind of preparation a leader who takes their team seriously brings to the table.

For senior leaders this matters double. As an executive, you partly shape how well manager reviews work across the entire organization. Your voice belongs in that conversation. Coaching for senior leaders helps to run these conversations sharply at the leadership level.

Be honest about what good work means

Here it gets uncomfortable. Because managers often don't dare to say this out loud.

Hard work is an investment. And investments don't always pay off.

If someone has worked themselves to the bone all year and the results aren't there, you can express appreciation for the effort. But the review itself shouldn't be skewed by it. Results count. Otherwise you simultaneously devalue the contribution of someone who did deliver.

This is hard because empathy tells us that effort deserves recognition. That's true. But effort and result are two separate variables. You can tell someone they worked hard and that the outcome wasn't enough. That's clarity. Empathy and clarity don't cancel each other out.

Ditch the feedback sandwich

The classic feedback sandwich works like this: say something nice, wrap criticism in the middle, end with something nice. The idea is to soften the pill. In practice, it gets two things wrong at once.

People who overestimate themselves only hear the positive. The criticism slides right past them. People who are insecure only register the negative. The appreciation, they don't believe.

So you end up with two kinds of employees who do nothing with your conversation.

A better approach: separate your messages. Give explicit, standalone praise for what's going well. Give explicit, standalone feedback on what needs to improve. Treat them as two separate conversations within one session. No wrapping. No transition phrases to soften the message.

People feel taken more seriously by clarity than by tidiness.

Understand what you're passing on

This may be the least mentioned, but most important point for you as a manager.

Jocko Willink, former Navy SEAL and author of Extreme Ownership, writes about a principle he calls Leading Up the Chain of Command. The idea: before you pass a decision from above to your team, it's your job to fully understand that decision yourself.

Translate that to performance reviews. Your manager hands you guidelines for the review cycle. Or a salary increase budget that's tight. Or a new set of criteria. Many managers take it and pass it on. With a shrug when their team member asks why.

That's a failure of leadership.

Before you pass anything along, ask your own manager questions. Understand the reasoning. Ask critical questions from a place of curiosity. Make sure you can defend the decision as if it were your own. Because the moment you pass it on, it is yours.

This does two things. Your people get a real explanation, not a bureaucratic one. And you grow as a leader. You learn to lead up to your manager, not only down to your team.

Prepare like it matters

Preparation for a performance review doesn't start the week before. It starts eleven months earlier.

Keep a simple log per team member. Nothing elaborate. Short notes. A strong performance here, a missed deadline there, a great moment in a meeting, a conversation that didn't quite land.

By year-end you'll have dozens of concrete points. That's what gives a review substance. No vague impressions. No recency bias. No gut.

For the conversation itself: write down your three main messages. What does your team member need to know when they walk out of the room? Start there. End there. Everything in between is filling.

For organizations that want their entire management team to get structurally better at this, a leadership development program offers the structure that fits.

A final thought

A performance review is, at its core, a form of care. You're telling someone where they stand. What's going well. What needs to improve. How they can grow.

Avoiding the discomfort feels kind. In practice you leave someone with more uncertainty than they had before the conversation. Real care is clarity.

Want to get structurally better at this as a leader? Leadership coaching helps you not only survive these conversations but use them as moments of growth. Plan a free introduction via contact. No sales. Just a good conversation.

Time management for new managers: Escape the urgency trap

 

This article provides a strategic framework for time management for new managers, focusing on the shift from reactive firefighting to proactive leadership. It explains how to use the Important vs Urgent Matrix to delegate effectively and reduce operational stress. The guide emphasizes that personal leadership is the foundation of long-term managerial success

 

Time management for new managers: Escape the urgency trap

The promotion felt like a reward, but the reality feels like a trap. You spent years becoming an expert in your field, only to find that your expertise is now the very thing keeping you stuck in the office at 7:00 PM. You are drowning in a sea of “quick questions” and urgent emails while your own strategic work gathers dust. This is the core challenge of time management for new managers: distinguishing between being busy and being effective.

From expert to firefighter

Most managers are addicted to the “urgent”. It provides an immediate dopamine hit to solve a problem or answer a crisis. We call this “putting out fires management”. You feel necessary, but you are actually stagnant. By constantly reacting, you neglect the Personal Leadership required to build a self-sustaining team. You are not leading; you are just the most stressed person in the room. The effect driving this is called the Mere Urgency effect, a bias us humans have to focus on things that are urgent rather than important.

 

Using the Matrix to reclaim your day

To master time management for new managers, you must look at your tasks through the lens of the Important vs Urgent Matrix. Most managers live in the bottom-left quadrant—tasks that need to get done, but not necessarily by you. This is the “Delegate” zone.

By categorizing your work, you identify what truly contributes to your long-term success. It forces you to schedule the work that matters and eliminate the noise that masquerades as an emergency. It is a tool for clarity in a world of role ambiguity.
 

Efficiency as a byproduct of Personal Leadership

Real leadership is the art of becoming obsolete in the daily operations so you can focus on the growth of the team. If you are still “doing” instead of “leading,” you are stealing development opportunities from your team. Effective time management is not about doing more; it is about doing less, better. Here are 3 tips to help you:

  • Kill the notifications: It takes 23 minutes to regain deep focus after a distraction.

  • The 60-minute block: Schedule one hour of “uninterruptible” time daily for strategic thinking.

  • The “No” Audit: If a task doesn’t require your specific leadership level, it belongs on someone else’s desk.

Investing just 2 hours a month in leadership coaching provides the external perspective needed to stop being a firefighter and start being a leader.

Schedule a free introduction call here to discuss the possibilities for your specific situation.

 

Why you freeze during tough conversations.

Leadership & Executive Coach | David Buirs

This article analyzes the physical stress response managers experience during difficult conversations. It provides practical self-regulation techniques based on neuroscience to reduce tension. The content establishes Personal Leadership as the foundation for effective communication.

You are standing at the door of the meeting room. You’ve rehearsed the script in your head three times, yet your chest feels tight and your breathing is shallow. You are about to deliver a confrontational message, and your body is in survival mode.

This isn’t a lack of preparation; it’s a biological reflex. Your system perceives social conflict as a physical threat. The urge to tense your muscles and shut down mentally is a defense mechanism that might protect you from pain, but it also isolates you from your team.

Personal Leadership starts with your own biology

Real leadership requires the courage to stay open when everything in you wants to armor up. We call this Personal Leadership. When you close your heart to protect yourself, you don’t just block the tension—you block the connection needed to achieve a result. You become a transmitter instead of a partner.

The key to less tension during difficult conversations lies in recognizing this physical constriction. The moment you feel your chest tighten, force yourself to release that tension. Relax your shoulders. Slow your breath. This is not a vague exercise; it is pure neuroscience to pull your brain out of ‘fight-or-flight’ mode.

The power of grounded confrontation

If you remain open, you unconsciously compel the other person to do the same. People sense whether you are speaking from fear or authority. By not suppressing the tension, but physically relaxing into it, you create space for an honest dialogue. You will notice team resistance decreases as soon as you stop building walls.

Whether it’s a performance review or correcting a senior expert, you don’t have to eliminate the fear. You only need to learn how to stay present with it without cramping up. That is the difference between a manager putting out fires and a leader who transforms.

Do you want to dive deeper into your own patterns? During a leadership coaching trajectory, we look together at what is still holding you back from facing confrontation with total composure.

Schedule a free introduction call here to discuss the possibilities for your context.

Self-confidence as a leader: Quiet the balcony critics

David Buirs Leadership Coach

Summary: This article deconstructs the internal critic through the Muppet metaphor and positions mindfulness as an essential cognitive discipline for professional success. It provides a concrete framework to eliminate reactive thinking and restore self-confidence as a leader by establishing conscious distance from negative thought patterns.

What’s the connection between The Muppets and leadership? This isn’t a joke. It’s a diagnostic tool for your brain.

Remember Waldorf and Statler, the two critics in the balcony? They are the perfect metaphor for your mind. They sit there, judging every decision you make, every email you send, and every conflict you avoid.

Evolutionarily, this makes sense. Your brain is a radar scanning for danger. In the past, it was tigers. Today, it’s a negative performance review or a team member who doesn’t take you seriously. This constant scanning erodes your self-confidence as a leader.

The hard truth You cannot silence these critics. They are hard-wired into your biology. But you can change your relationship with them.

Meditation as a cognitive tool Meditation is not about “zen” or “relaxing.” It is about stepping out of that balcony. It is the ability to watch those grumpy guys rant from a distance without letting them grab the steering wheel. Realizing you don’t have to reply to their negativity is the ultimate competitive advantage.

Since I started a daily practice two years ago, my focus has sharpened. The noise decreased. My decision-making became cleaner.

How to start (The no-nonsense method):

  1. Set a timer: Start with 5 or 10 minutes. No excuses.
  2. Posture: Sit comfortably. Close your eyes.
  3. The Breath: Use your breath as an anchor.
  4. Labeling: Thoughts will interrupt. You cannot stop them. Imagine Waldorf and Statler shouting. Label them as “thoughts” and do not engage.
  5. Return: Every time you get distracted, go back to the breath. That is one “rep” for your brain.

Why this matters for your ROI Regular practice increases the grey matter in your brain. It enhances cognitive function. In plain English: it makes you sharper, more resilient, and less prone to stress-driven mistakes. It is a fundamental part of Personal Leadership.

Thinking is a tool. Use it when you need it, then put it away. Don’t let the puppets run the show.

Ready to regain your edge? Give it a go. Or schedule an honest conversation about impact with me.

Check out my Leadership Coaching page, or schedule a free introduction here.

How do you feel more appreciated at work

Leadership & Executive Coach | David Buirs

How do you feel more appreciated at work?

David Buirs is a leadership coach in the Amsterdam region. This article explores how to feel more appreciated at work and what you can put in motion yourself when appreciation is missing. You will read why this feeling affects so many people, what research shows, and get a practical ten-day exercise to start a culture of appreciation in your own environment.

You drive home after a long week. You've finished a tough project. Nobody noticed. Or they did notice, but said nothing. You don't know which of the two it was, and honestly you don't know which is worse.

This feeling shows up for many people at some point in their careers. Not only junior employees. Senior leaders and directors with decades of experience know it too. The need to feel that your work matters doesn't disappear once you get a title.

The question isn't whether you're allowed to feel this. You are, and it's deeply normal and human. The question is what you're going to do with it.

What the research shows

Research by O.C. Tanner found that 79% of people who quit their jobs cite lack of appreciation as the main reason for leaving.

That's a striking number. Not pay, not career progression, not conflict with the boss. The biggest reason people leave is that their work stayed invisible.

It says something about the nature of work. We don't only work for money or for goals, we always work in the presence of others. And when appreciation from those others stays absent for what we do, the work feels hollow, even when we're paid well for it.

Why this runs deeper than a compliment

The need to be seen is wired into us. We're social animals. Dependent on each other. Loneliness is even more harmful than a smoking habit, that's how essential connection is for us.

A large part of how we form our sense of self-worth comes from the responses we get from the people around us. When that response stays absent, we start doubting our work, even when we know rationally that we're doing well.

That's why the absence of recognition lands so hard. It rarely comes down to a missing gift or formal bonus. It comes down to the quiet confirmation that you're there, and that what you do is registering somewhere.

Why waiting backfires

The obvious reaction is to wait until others notice. That sounds reasonable. Good work deserves recognition, and you shouldn't have to chase it.

But waiting has a cost. The longer it goes on, the more you start framing your own work around what's missing. Every effort gets weighed against the recognition that didn't come, and slowly that wears down your motivation.

Waiting also changes how you show up around others. People can feel it when someone is quietly keeping score. Relationships get stiffer, more guarded. The exact opposite of where you wanted to go.

Your feeling isn't weird or wrong. The way out, though, is rarely more waiting.

The reciprocity of seeing

Something I keep seeing confirmed in my work as a leadership coach: the people most respected in their teams are often the ones who most actively express appreciation themselves.

That's not coincidence. When you genuinely see what others do, you train your own eye for it. You start noticing more sharply what's going well around you, and you build a feel for the qualities of the people near you. At the same time you create a field where it becomes more normal to recognize each other.

Taking the lead here is a form of personal leadership. You move the focus away from what you lack toward what you contribute. In practice, appreciation often comes back your way too, not as a transaction, but as a natural consequence of a changed pattern.

A ten-day challenge

If you want to try this seriously, here's a concrete exercise. Over the next ten days, express genuine appreciation to three different colleagues. Someone above you, someone below you, someone next to you. The spread matters.

Sincerity is non-negotiable. Spontaneity isn't. A few targeted questions usually get you there:

Who recently went beyond what was strictly required for you? What load came off your shoulders because of it?

Which colleague has a quality you genuinely value? Patience, sharp analysis, the ability to bring calm to tense meetings. Name what it is and why it matters to you.

Who has improved the atmosphere in the team lately? What concrete result came out of that?

Who gave you advice that made a real difference? Acknowledge that the advice landed.

If you can't say it in the moment, write it down. Send a message. Bring it up in your next 1:1. The format matters less than actually saying it.

If you're a manager

For managers and leaders there's an extra layer of responsibility. Your appreciation carries more weight than a peer's, simply because of how hierarchy works. People watch what you notice and what you let slide.

A common trap: you think something, but you don't say it. The thought passes, the work moves on, and the employee hears nothing. For you it's an unspoken compliment. For them it's silence.

Make it a habit. Not a weekly checkbox round, but a natural reflex. When you see something that lands, say it. And say it specifically. "Good job" is thin. "I thought the way you handled that client conversation was strong, especially when you pushed back on the budget question" lands differently.

As AI takes over more technical tasks, the human part of work becomes more valuable. Genuinely seeing what others do may be one of the most human acts available in a work setting. It's something that sets you apart as a leader.

When appreciation stays structurally absent

Sometimes you do all this and little changes. You give, you invest, you pay attention. Nothing comes back, and the culture doesn't move with you.

Then there's a different conversation. Something is stuck in the broader dynamic. Maybe leadership is closed off or focused mostly on what's wrong. Maybe the company culture doesn't fit what you care about. Maybe you're in a place that no longer fits you.

Those aren't questions a single blog post can resolve. They are questions worth taking seriously when you notice your influence isn't landing anywhere. Looking critically at your own leadership style, or at the environment you work in, is part of that.

A final thought

Appreciation isn't a luxury. It's how people experience that their work matters. Waiting for someone else to see it can slowly wear on you. Setting it in motion yourself gives you back some of that agency.

One caution: don't do it to get something back. People sense the difference between sincere recognition and strategic recognition within ten seconds. Do it because you genuinely think it's deserved. What you get back will come, or it won't, and either way you're fine.

Want to look at this in your own situation? Coaching for managers helps you see patterns like this more clearly and put them in motion. For senior leaders, executive coaching offers a deeper layer. And for organizations that want to build a culture of appreciation more structurally, a leadership development program offers the framework where this can land.

Plan a free introduction via contact. No sales. Just a good conversation.

AI and Leadership – How do Managers Prepare for the Future?

AI and Leadership event

AI sometimes reminds me of the game peek-a-boo. Every time you open your eyes, it has moved closer, and much faster than you think.

As a leadership coach and trainer, I’m very interested in AI and its implications for leadership. That’s why I attended the D2 collective’s “Leading the Next Generation of Work” event at the Prosus office this week, listening to senior leaders from companies like Microsoft and Prosus. Again, I’m amazed by how fast things are moving.

Especially around the role of agents: pieces of software you can program using natural language through tools like ChatGPT or Gemini. They execute tasks and work autonomously.

For example, you can say: “When a customer emails about a refund, pull up the customer data, decide whether to approve it based on these criteria. If approved, initiate the refund and reply with a confirmation”.

Without human intervention. Some companies have up to 30,000 different agents. Whatever one learns, others pick up immediately. The speed of learning is tremendous.

In the coming years, most of us will be managing agents. This sounds either amazing or dystopian, depending on your perspective. But the predictions go further: many of us will be managed by an AI agent. We also expect the first billion-dollar company run by a single human, assisted by agents, within the next few years.

This will significantly impact the job market. Technical knowledge on an individual level will become less valuable and companies will likely need fewer employees. We are already seeing this trend.

As agents take on more and more tasks, a human will need to be accountable for the outcome. Job descriptions will shift from a focus on tasks to a focus on accountability.

The traditional role of middle management has been to relay information from the floor to leadership. AI can do this more efficiently, making traditional middle management either obsolete or frees them to focus on coaching and support.

In general, I expect companies to need fewer managers. Because typical managerial tasks can be automated, time is freed up for leadership work like coaching.

My advice to all managers: start developing those human skills now.

We are not powerless. Certain skills will become increasingly relevant to staying valuable in the job market:

• Judgment and critical thinking: A human remains responsible for the outcome. AI can make mistakes.

• Curiosity: Having powerful AI without knowing asking the right questions is like owning a Ferrari you cannot drive. “Garbage in, garbage out” still applies.

• Emotional intelligence: As technical work is automated, what remains are interpersonal tasks like coaching, communication, and brainstorming.

How to start? If you’re not using AI yet, start practicing with LLMs like ChatGPT or Gemini. If you already do, practice creating better prompts or try building your first agent for a simple task.

In my leadership coaching and management training, I help my clients to stay relevant over the coming years.

Interested? Let’s talk. Schedule your free introduction here.

The Mindset Shift That Transforms Leadership: Moving Beyond Criticism

David Buirs - Leadership- & Executive Coach

“That’s not gonna work, because…”

I used to say that often. Made me feel good. Like I was the one who caught what others didn’t.

I did it even with the teams I was leading.

Lots of self-reflection and feedback later, I saw what I was actually doing: trying to sound smart. Point out the flaw, drop criticism, walk away. No real contribution. It led me to a leadership mindset shift.

Spotting risks is still important. Some people lean too optimistic, and having someone who notices the weak spots keeps things balanced. But without ideas for what will work, you’re not helping anyone move forward. Guiltyyyyy.

Now I try to pause and ask myself:
“What part of this could actually work?”
“How can we tweak the part that doesn’t work, so that it does?”

It shifts the whole dynamic of the conversation. More challenging, but also much more rewarding. Moves problems forward, builds more ownership within the teams you lead.

Less I, more We.

Ready for your leadership mindset shift? Schedule a free introduction call here: https://davidbuirs.com/contact/ and let’s chat.