Category: Leadership

Location Spotting For Shape Your Future – A Unique Leadership Experience

Just another day at the office—cruising through the forest in a golf cart! 🌲😄

I’m teaming up with Anouk Benders – MindBenders on a project that’s close to both of our hearts.

Our goal is to help ambitious leaders create a positive future, and we’re developing something we believe will do just that.

Last week, we visited the location where it’s all going to happen—March 21-23, 2025.

After exploring, I can honestly say we’ve found the perfect spot.

We’re excited to see this vision come to life and can’t wait to share more with you soon!

Stay tuned for updates—exciting things are on the way!

Leadership Retreat Shape Your Future

Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy

Do you feel like you need to be available at all hours to lead effectively?

Many emerging leaders believe this, but it’s a misconception.

Always being “on” drains your energy, leaving you with little capacity for the strategic thinking needed to truly lead.

Effective leaders understand the importance of setting boundaries. It’s not about always being present; it’s about being present at the right moments.

Your energy and focus are your greatest assets—don’t waste them on every minor distraction.

And always having the answer ready creates dependencies, lowers your team’s sense of ownership and problem-solving skills.

Step back.

Focus on the bigger picture.

That’s how you lead with impact.

What you resist, persists.

This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my life.

For years, when feelings of anger, sadness, and fear came up, I tried to push them away, hoping they’d vanish. I’d look for distractions. Instead, they lingered on, sometimes for decades.

What actually works, is very counter-intuitive: embrace those emotions.

Feel them fully. Observe the physical expressions of the emotion in your body. Pay attention to the tightness in your chest, the constriction in your throat, the sting in your heart, the knot in your belly. Don’t try to change them. Just feel them, or better: welcome them.

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸?

Emotions are signals from our subconscious. Once we truly feel them, they’ve served their purpose and can disappear. But resisting them activates different areas of our brain (our fight-flight-freeze system), keeping those emotions alive and kicking.

Embracing them doesn’t make deeply ingrained emotions disappear overnight, but it’s an essential part of letting them go.

It’s exactly the opposite of what 95% of us are doing, but it’s incredibly freeing, and it works.

For instance, if you’re about to present something to a big group and feel a rush of anxiety, our usual thought is: “Ugh, I wish I didn’t feel so anxious!”.

Next time, try this: pause, focus on the physical sensations, and allow yourself to feel the anxiety without trying to push it away. “I feel nervous, my chest feels tight, and that’s okay.”

Notice the tightness in your chest or the butterflies in your stomach. By acknowledging and feeling these sensations, you can reduce their power over you.

Take a moment today. Sit with whatever emotion is present. Feel it without judgment or negativity.

It can be tricky at first, but it’s definitely worth it.

Have you ever tried this method? What did it do for you?

I’d love to hear.

❗ Note: this is notns a solution to complex emotional issues or traumas, nor is it a substitute for therapy, when needed.

emotions Stress

A Zen story With a Profound Lesson

Ever heard the Zen koan about the fish seller?

A koan is a short story to invoke insight. I wasn’t sure to share it, as it’s quite abstract, but because I love it, I’m doing it anyway.

It goes like this:

“Banzan was walking through the market when he overheard a conversation between a fish seller and his customer.

The customer asked for the best piece of fish.

The seller replied, ‘All my pieces of fish are the best I have.’

Upon hearing this, Banzan was enlightened.”

Ok, that seller is either a genius, of desperately needs a marketing course. But what’s the point here actually?

It’s this: what if we saw every experience, every moment, as the best we have?

You might be thinking, “Yeah right, how is that aweful performance review the best moment I have?”

It’s not about the situation, it’s about how we 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 the situation.

When you approach a meeting thinking, “I hate this,” you’re already creating stress. For yourself.

You can’t control this initial spark of stress or negativity, that’s just your mind doing its thing.

But the moment you become aware of if, you have a choice to go along with that story, or not.

Usually, we go along with the mind’s story, and start having an internal conversation with ourselves about how this or that is terrible.

The result? It creates tension and drain your energy.

Instead, consider this approach:

✅ Before the meeting, take a moment to breathe and set an intention.
Think, “What can I gain from this meeting?”

✅ Realize: 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲.
✅ During the meeting, engage actively. Focus on understanding and connecting with the other, and contributing your best.
✅ After the meeting, find one positive takeaway, even if it’s small.

This shift in mindset doesn’t make the meeting (or situation) perfect, but it reduces the stress and helps you find value in the experience.

Even in our toughest moments, our bodies perform miracles. Billions of cells are working every second to keep us alive and functioning. This perspective can be incredibly empowering.

For managers, judging and resisting saps your energy.

Accepting each moment as it is can recharge your leadership and give you the clarity to inspire your team.

This doesn’t mean you can’t try to improve situations, or your life. To grow, learn. But when done from a state of accepting every moment as it is, without resistance, is so much more powerful.

So, what caused this major shift in Banzan after hearing that conversation?

He realized that his tendency to think “I don’t want this, I want that” was making him miserable.

And the lesson from the seller’s perspective: everything we do is the best in that moment. Big tasks or small, they all matter.

Try seeing each moment as perfect.

I know from experience: it’s not easy, but the better you get at this, the happier you’ll be.

happiness Leadership Leadership zen

Dealing With Difficult Colleagues

Some colleagues challenge our patience.

They might be self-centered, poor listeners, unreliable, or drenched in negativity.

You’ve tried to sidestep them. But then came the promotion to manager.

Now you have to face them head-on.

Motivating them feels like dragging an anchor through the mud.

And when they don’t change, their behavior begins to cast shadows over your team’s morale and results.

<<𝗖𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲>>

What if their difficult behavior is not a wall, but a riddle to be solved?

What if their egocentrism and unreliability are scars from years of disappointment?

What if their negativity is a cry of deep concern for the team or company’s direction?

Framing them as merely difficult hardens your heart and colours every interaction.

It becomes you versus them. Trust evaporates, resistance rises.

You end up trying to prove them wrong, hoping they’ll change.

But that battle is always lost.

This doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior. Negativity is contagious and can spread like an oil spill.

As a leader, boundaries are essential. But before setting them, use Curiosity and Compassion.

Listen with genuine curiosity, without judgment. Take their concerns serious, and if they are valid, address them. Communicate on what you’ve done.

If what they want is not something you can do, explain why, clearly and calmly.

No one wants to be forced to change.

Everyone wants to be heard and understood.

difficult colleagues negativity

One Year After Leaving My Corporate Career

This week marks exactly one year after my last working day of a decade-long career, leading teams.

And the beginning of a new adventure.

So much has happened since!

I completed my Co-Active coach training, started my own business, and found my ikigai in leadership development coaching.

(If your Japanese is a bit rusty – ikigai is about doing that which you love, are good at, and that the world needs.)

The most rewarding part of leadership development is that it works like an amplifier.

A leader’s growth naturally extends to their team. Their success and well-being inspire those around them, creating a ripple effect of positive change.

I feel more alive, fulfilled, and happy than ever.

The positive feedback and support from many of you has meant the world to me.

Special shoutout to Frederike Driesse and Jasper Brand at The Talent Institute in Amsterdam for their trust, as they were my first B2B client. The Talent Institute creates inspiring development programs for talents in design, innovation, and marketing. Worth checking out.

And as someone who’s slightly introverted, I’ve discovered a surprising love for networking and connecting with new people.

It’s not all roses and sunshine though. (What?! 😜)

Challenges like financial uncertainty, no-shows, and missing regular colleague interactions are real.

But for me, it’s definitely worth it.

A key goal the past half year was to post valuable content for you weekly.

I’m now heading off for a 10-day silent retreat, so next week will be my first break from posting.

I look forward to returning with fresh clarity and inspiration for the coming year.

And there’s a very exciting project on the horizon – more details soon.

Huge thanks to all of you for your continued support!

❤️🙏

Honesty, Curiosity and Self-Reflection

This might be controversial, but here’s something we need to talk about…

Social media is flooded with leadership quotes. We like them, we share them, and we think, “Gosh, when will my manager finally get this?” 🙄

But how often do we take a hard look at our own leadership?

Here’s the irony – most managers are on LinkedIn daily, yet many teams are still struggling.

It’s easy to scroll through content and believe the advice is for others. But true leadership starts with self-examination.

Are we actively seeking out feedback, especially when it’s tough to hear? Do we confront our own shortcomings?

Next time you come across a leadership quote, challenge yourself: Am I living up to this standard with my team?

If yes – how can you actually verify if this is true?

Keep the Dunning-Kruger effect in mind – people who objectively score among the bottom 0-25% on a particular skill rate themselves in the 50-75% bracket.

Unconscious incompetence is quite common.

❗ If you believe you’re doing great, but your team is consistently difficult or disengaged, it might be a sign to reevaluate your approach.

Here’s the truth – the leaders who practice honest self-reflection grow the fastest. They get promoted faster, score better on performance reviews, and lead happier teams.

Let’s not just scroll through inspirational quotes. Let’s live them.

Imagine the impact you could have by truly applying these principles.

Reflect deeply, lead with authenticity, and watch your team – and yourself – flourish. 💪

feedback Leadership Management self-development

Admitting We Don’t Have All The Answers – Increasing Vulnerability In The Workplace

“I don’t know.”

“I really don’t know.”

How refreshing to admit this!

It’s something I wish I’d said more often in my career.

Do we need to be able to answer every question? Must we have an opinion on everything? Not necessarily.

Especially in leadership, there’s an expectation to respond to every query and attend every meeting.

Sometimes it’s because we feel responsible; other times, it’s because we fear appearing incapable.

But it’s okay not to know everything.

Acknowledging this doesn’t diminish your value.

If the question is important, you can admit you don’t have the answer yet, but you’ll try to find out.

Or, recognize that you might have other priorities demanding your energy.

Perhaps, the person asking could even discover the answer themselves.

Let’s show up with more vulnerability at work, and less need for perfection.

By doing so, we can redirect our time and energy towards what truly matters.

questions trust vulnerability

Great Leaders Are Great Communicators

Think of someone you know that communicates really well.

And someone that doesn’t.

What makes the difference?

Communication in leadership is like fine-tuning a musical instrument—it makes every performance better.

Especially for starting managers, getting this right from the beginning gives you a head start.

Here’s a challenge for you: 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵.

Need inspiration? Below you’ll find some ideas:

𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴
📌 Tip: Use reflective listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what the speaker has said to confirm understanding.

𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗔𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Before communicating, take a moment to organize your thoughts to ensure clarity and precision in your message.

𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘂𝗮𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Remember WIIFM – “What’s In It For Me”? – A thought that’s often on our minds (we are human, after all). If you can pro-actively address this in your communication, you’re more convincing.

𝗔𝗱𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
📌 Tip: Adjust your communication style to match the preferences of your audience—some may prefer directness, while others may need more context.

𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸
📌 Tip: Regularly ask for feedback on your communication style and effectiveness, showing you value continuous improvement.

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗵𝘆
📌 Tip: When giving instructions, starting meetings or sharing updates, always explain the context. You might see the bigger picture, but your audience might not.

𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀
📌 Tip: Ask open-ended questions that start with “what” or “how” to encourage detailed responses and deeper discussions.

Improving how you communicate can dramatically enhance your interactions and the impact you can make.

communicatie communication listening self-development

Why Your Next Promotion Might Be Your Last (Unless You’re Aware of This) 2/2

I always saw myself as a good listener. Until I realized I wasn’t…

Last week I wrote about 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲 – you keep getting promoted, until you hit the ceiling of your competence.

Then, the requirements of the role exceed your capabilities and you stop being promoted.

For competence, think about things like your ability to think strategically, your emotional intelligence, your leadership skills, your communication skills, or your ability to analyse complex problems.

Competence is not set in stone – you can increase it.

But here, we’re faced with an invisible enemy – the 𝗗𝘂𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴-𝗞𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁.

It’s a cognitive bias that makes people with low ability in a specific area, overestimate their ability in that area. It’s unconscious incompetence.

In many experiments, Dunning and Kruger’s observed that people who objectively score among the lowest 25%, rate themselves to be in the 50-75% range.

A practical example: many people who believe they are good listeners, in fact aren’t.

For me, the realization came when I truly listened to feedback. And then explored the topic of what listening is about, and how to become good at it.

Let’s tie last week’s post and this topic together:

• You keep getting promoted in organizations, until you hit your level of competence (𝗣𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲).
• To keep getting promoted, increase your level of competence.
• For those skills we need to increase our competence for, we overestimate our ability (𝗗𝘂𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴-𝗞𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁).
• This prevents us from putting in the effort to improve, which keeps our level of competence, and our career, where it is.

What can you do?

• Take assessments on particular skills required for your role.
• Ask for 360-feedback from your colleagues (anonymous or not). Be open to criticism.
• Question your beliefs about what you know and what you don’t yet know.
• Keep learning.

There is no need to become insecure and doubtful about your abilities. But realize information is power.

And, a few weeks after International Women’s Day, for managers and organisations, I also want to call out the 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝗹𝗮 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲. It describes how many women in organisations work below their level of competence. Using objective data can help us counter this

So, identify the skills critical for your role and the next. Use data and feedback for an honest assessment, and then, take action.

Your future-you will thank you for it.

career Duning-Kruger Paula Principle